Active Love

Three years ago today, Jonathan and I began dating. I would have never thought that we would have made it this far to be honest. 

Eight days ago, Jonathan got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. 

I said yes. 

To some it was a surprise and to some it was not. 

The fact is, I said yes. 

And I do NOT regret my decision. 

And I don't regret my decision because I am actively choosing to be happy and to be in love. 

I have been loving from the side lines. Not getting back into the game. Going though the motions and just cheering from the sidelines. Being at the "game" because I was supposed to.

And I'm not going to lie, the main reason I was on the side line and not in the game, is because I got distracted. I couldn't be in the game because I knew I wasn't giving it my all. 

Now I am. 

I am putting myself back in the game. I am actively making moving towards happiness and love. And I have a great player on my team, so I know with time, hard work and dedication, I will make it to the championship (hell I already got the ring lol)

Someone once told me that falling in love was the easy part, it's the relationship and the staying in love and actually liking a person and wanting to be around a person is the hard part. I'm rolling up my sleeves and preparing myself for the long haul. 

I heard something tonight that stuck with me, 

"I chose to stay with him because of all the things he had done right instead of leaving for the one thing he did wrong. I chose to forgive"

I'm forgiving. 

I'm being happy. 

I'm falling in love. 

Actively this time. 

A More Mature Christmas

Up until, Idk....about 9 hours ago, I wasn't really in a Christmas spirit mood this year. I felt like it was just another day for me. Nothing special. I wasn't really expecting anything from anyone other than maybe Jonathan. I didn't feel as cherry or jolly as I did in the previous years.
However as I was wrapping gifts and I started downloading Christmas songs, I slowly got into that holly jolly mood.
It was than I realized that this year, I wasn't excited and looking forward to getting gifts. If I got something that was fine but if I didn't that was okay as well. I was more looking forward to giving gifts this year.
I couldn't wait to see the look on the faces on the people who I was getting gifts for. As I wrapped the gifts I could just picture the expressions of joy that I would receive once people opened the gifts I got them, and THAT'S what put me in the mood for Christmas.
Christmas is in three days and I honestly am filled with anticipation of giving away gifts! I worked hard and put thought and effort into these gifts and Im sure they will be appreciated.
Another thing I'm looking forward to...is listening to Christmas music with my siblings and my roommate while making gingerbread houses or cookies and drinking egg nog on Christmas eve. This is something my Mom started like my junior year of college and we just stuck to it and I'm actually looking forward to it!

I am looking forward to spending time with my family, Jonathan and his family and just being around those I love and care for and those that love and care for me.
I guess, this is a more mature Christmas...an adult Christmas. After all, this is my first Christmas with me being out on my own and not living with my Mom and siblings.
Anywhooo, Im excited!
And it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!
Yaaayyyyy!!!!



Merry Christmas everyone! And in case I don't post again until Jan 2012, have a Happy New Year as well!

Naw...Seriously Though....

If you find that one special person, who really loves you and put up with yout bull shit...and I mean that good bull shit...shit that makes you stop and be like why am I even doing this? Why am I acting like this? Type bull shit...keep them!

If you find that special someone who completes your life like a missing puzzle piece that you wasnt even aware was missing until they showed up...keep them!

If you find that one who truly loves you flaws and all,

Knows the good, bad, ugly and SUPER ugly sides of you

That someone who hoards your secrets better than you can yourself

Someone who literally loves your filthy draws...keep them!

Lyfe Jennings said it best, "when you find somebody good, hold on to them"


Naw seriously...hold on and DONT let go!

Lost Ones

The fact that there is just soooo much truth to this song tho is just.....

Isnt It Funny...

I wont even begin to address the fact that I am writing this blog....from work....on a Sunday...and that I am paid salary which means this over time I've been putting in lately....yeah, won't go there....

Anyways,

Isn't it funny how you want someone so bad, than a in a matter of days, you don't?
You can go from sleeping next to someone every night, to the point of which, if that person isn't there by your side, you toss and turn all night.
Isn't it funny how you jump every time the phone rings with a phone call or a text, and you are hoping, wishing, praying that it's that special someone you've been waiting for to reach out to you all day, to barely noticing that you haven't made contact with that very same person all day?
It's just so funny to me how feelings can be so temporary at times.
How you can have this passion burning in you for someone and within a matter of mere days or weeks, that fire has been put out....forever.
But of course there are things that take place that causes feelings to change...

But I just think all the time,

I liked you a while ago,

I loved you, needed you, yearned you a couple months ago,

I was fighting for your attention a couple weeks ago,



now


I go days without a phone call or a text from you,







And I'm fine.



Ain't...that...funny?!

Which Is Harder.....

Which is harder....
Being a woman and having a good man after a bad one....
Or being a good man and being with a woman after she has dealt with a bad man?


Or are both equally just as hard?

Im A Fool, Such A Fool

I have been listening to this song on repeat for a while now. I'm addicted to it. Maybe because Jonathan used to play it so much and sing it to me. Now I love it! Go figure! But I love it, and I love Cee Lo. He's an amazing, crazy talented artist and his last album Lady Killer was awesome (purchase it sap sap!) Well, enjoy it! Thank me later!




"So rare they swear that you just don't exist..."