Black History Month

"I have a scar on my back I got when I was a slave...You have people out there with this scar on their brains..."

I waited until the last day of February to write about Black History month because I really wanted to see if the entire month would go by without anyone saying anything about our race's entire month, and it sadly, it did. I am so disappointed with our generation current state. They are so lazy and will settle for anything, even if it means compromising a piece of themselves for that. Throughout this entire month, I saw very little people even mention anything at all about Black History month. It was a trending topic on twitter for about a day and that was it. Did people forget that this is our heritage month? Did they forget all that we went through to get where we are? Why forget what our ancestors went through? Their pain, their struggle, their sacrifice, their embarrassment and humiliation? But most important, their achievements? Without our forefathers doing what they have done before our time, NO ONE would be in the state that they are in now! So why hasn't there by a celebration of some sort? A festival? A poetry speaking even?
My generation and the generation after me, sad to say, is just too damn complacent where we are. They figured because we have come this far, we have a black president, that we have arrived and that we can simply disregard everything that took place before our time, even though that is exactly what got us where we are today. THAT WOULD BE THE DUMBEST SHIT IVE HEARD IN A LONG ASS TIME!
You never should feel like we've come far enough, that we have done enough. Yes we have come a long way, but we still, in fact, have a long way to go! It saddens my heart when our youth, our Black community, lets the entire month of February just slip on by them without giving thanks of knowledge to all those before us. It saddens me. Sometimes I feel hopeful for our race but other times, times like this, when I see that we still have alot of work to do and no one is willingly to give a helping hand....I lose a little bit of faith in my heart. Where are our leaders of tv of this generation? Lil Wayne, Drake, Gucci, J. Cole, they are cool, they are nice artists....but leaders of the African American race, they are NOT.
As an entire race, we HAVE to do better. No, we MUST do better. If we disregard a month that is dedicated to us and we are African American, how do you feel the white counter parts will feel? Yes we took a giant step forward by having a (half) black president in office, but we also have taken ten small steps back by simply not celebrating our history, knowing our history, and acknowledging this month for what it is.
I am sadly disappointed.
Black people, four words: WE MUST DO BETTER.
If we want a better future for our youth, we have to make those changes and make it happen. We already know from our history that NOTHING is given to us! We have to demand it and fight for it. Why would things be any different now?

Leadership For America & The Global Community

Our Howard University Student Association (SGA) President, Bryan Smart , introducing President Barack Obama as he signs an executive order to strengthen the capacity of and increase access to Federal funding for the Nations Historically Black Colleges and Universities. February 26, 2010.

Some people think that HBCUs arent as creditable in education as our white counter parts. People feel like we aren't diverse enough. How can you go out and be diverse in other cultures, when you aren't aware of the diversity in your very own culture first? I have met and mingled with people in all forms of the Black race...Haitians, Africans in many forms, etc etc. Once I had a talk with an aunt of mine, who expressed that she feels like people just don't appreciate HBCU's anymore, they feel like there is no need for them. HBCU's were birthed because African Americans were denied education at White institutions. Once we were allowed to indulge in education with our white counter parts, HBCU's were still around to give African Americans a vital education about their history, along with the same education that white Americans were receiving all while being comfortable around other African Americans who wanted the same things that individual did....success, respect, and a good quality education.

Now that African Americans can get all of this, (expect for a vital and through education of our very own history) at White institutions today, people feel that there is no need for HBCUs. I am so glad that President Obama disagrees with these people! Last Friday, HBCU leader and student body president, Bryan Smart was given an opportunity to introduce President Obama as he signed the HBCU Initiative making more money and support from the federal government!

And I am so proud that I go to Howard University! I am so proud of my fellow student body, and president of Howard University Student Association (HUSA) Bryan. He is a great and intelligent individual with plans for progress for the black community. I am proud to have known, networked, and had a friend in Bryan. People like him and President Obama breathes a new hope of progress into the African American community.

Thank God Bryan Smart and President Obama doesn't feel the same way that modern people do about HBCUs. Howard University equals the Black Harvard. And although Howard has it problems, every school/college does, I am proud to say that I went here and will be an alumni of this great university.

Thank you Bryan and Barack for believing in HBCUs and keeping the hope and faith alive. Thank you!

Howard University, always at the... forefront of excellence. "Leadership for America and the Global Community!"

Rambling Thoughts

At times, I find myself having just random thoughts in my mind. Sometimes I stress over things, esp things I cant control and I have to remind my thoughts to slow down from racing at 360 per hour to a normal speed. Sometimes I lay in my bed, trying to fall asleep, restless, tossing and turning, and EVERYTHING runs through my brain. And it goes a little something like this:
What if I don't do well in law school?
Maybe I should take a year off before going to law school.
Maybe I am too hard on my mother.
Maybe I am too soft on my father.
Maybe I don't show my grandmother enough love and appreciation.
I wonder what Jonathan is dreaming about.
I wonder if Pavielle is sleep.
I swear the worst feeling in the world is a broken heart.
Why aren't I friends with some of my friends anymore, was it something I did?
Why are girls these days so stupid? I mean I know I been stupid in love before, but if you know you need to get out of the situation because it's bad for you, why are you staying? You are creating problems for yourself at this point.
How will Jonathan and I wedding be?
I know I will cry at the alter.
Tears are coming to my eyes now thinking about us getting married.
How will Jonathan and I first apartment be.
What will life be life after law school and I have passed the bar.
When will Jonathan and I be ready for a child.
How painful is labor....can I go through it more than once?
Dear God, thank you for waking Jonathan up this morning, me up this morning, both sides of my family and Jonathan's family. Thank you for waking us all up in our right mind and in good health. Thank you for getting us throughout the day and protecting us all from dangers and harm both seen and unseen.
Please Lord keep me on the straight path and following in your footsteps.
Please take all ill feelings, hatred, and jealousy from my heart, I am trying everyday to be more humble.
Thank you for bringing Jonathan into my life for he is truly a great blessing. Please continue to us give us strength, endurance, faith, and hope for these next three months while I'm here at Howard and for the rest our lives together.
Amen.
Is Jonathan too good to be true?
I really love that man with all my heart.
What if he hadn't come into my life. Would I still be with my ex.
Does Jonathan ever think about his ex?
How am I going to get this paper done tomorrow? Why did I wait this late to start.
Ugh I wish this sem was over already.
Wait, no I don't, because I will miss my friends.
I will miss Howard, not the problems.
Why cant I sleep.
I want some noodles, but I love the way my dad makes them for me. His taste the best because he makes them with love and I can swear I can taste it.
I wish Jonathan was here to make me a cheeseburger and some fries, just like how he used to in the summer.
I need to start working out but I'm lazy and don't really have the dedication to do such a thing.
I like not working, but not really depending on Jonathan for everything.
I cant wait til we are married.
I want to go home. I wish I was home and in bed with him right now.
I wish we had USA, I want to watch Law and Order.
I cant go to sleep watching Snapped because than it will sink into my dreams.
I wonder what couples at Howard are going to do once they both graduate and they aren't from the same place.
I wonder is anyone up and on twitter? How about fb?
Why aren't I sleep yet?
I really wish girls today wouldn't be so stupid.
I hate Rihanna song Rude Boy...but I love her song Stupid In Love...go figure
I need to download new music for my Ipod
I love music, it soothes my soul.
I wish I didn't have this one tat sometimes, but you leave and learn.
I have to remind Jonathan to pay my phone bill.
I wonder what people are going to get me as graduation gifts.
People want love and relationships but don't want the work that is required that comes with it, than they don't really want it.
I wish I had someone to talk to at 3am. I could call Jonathan but he has to get up for work at 6:30am and that wouldn't be fair to him.
Why haven't I heard anything about the HUH ball? Bison ball? I need to know so Jonathan can come up here and escort me to the ball.
I want to watch Ray, too bad Jonathan has it.
This school year went by fast. Matter of fact, these last four years flew by.
I want some lemon cake.
And a milkshake.
Why didn't I go out tonight? But clubbin and partying is so overrated.
I want me and Jonathan to go on a cruise this summer....maybe for our one year anniversary? But how we would top each year after that?
Why do I love that man?
Why didn't we start dating sooner?
I wonder when we will have our first child.
I wonder how my single friends with kids and not with their baby daddy feel about me and Jonathan relationship.
I wonder who be writing in my formspring.
I wonder who by looking at my fb page.
I wonder who be reading my blogs.
I know I have stalkers, I feel almost honored, but than again, they are being in my business.
Sometimes I wish I was a kid again.
Why was I in such a rush to grow up?
Being an adult sucks sometimes.
I wonder what Cristian is doing...is Huda sleep....Kenae sleep? My mom on the phone? James in the room with some girl?
I wish I had all the seasons of Nip/Tuck right now.
I love The Game...I really wish BET would start a new season already!
What if I'm not ready for law school?

Than the panic attacks start and I have to control myself, calm down and convince myself to slow down my breathing.....
and that's usually when I turn on the tv, to Cartoon Network and the thoughts slow down and I drift off to LaLa Land.....

My Brain Has Already Graduated!!!!

With less than 11 weeks left to graduation, I am trying my hardest to push through. This is so funny and ironic to me....I sailed through my first three and a half years here at Howard....and I kept rushing graduation to come along, and here I am so close to the deadline and I feel like I'm getting flat lined!

I can not focus on anything! There are so many rambling thoughts in my mind that I cant even seem to organize them....and I am a very organized person! I know it may seem like I'm fine to the outsiders, but I'm going crazy in my mind. It is 5am right now, and I am suppose to be working on a 24 page midterm that is due tomorrow, I have a test later on today in one class and a brief homework assignment due in another!

I wont even begin to mention what I have missed in my Creative Writing Poetry class! I went home for V day, and I was only suppose to stay for the weekend....I ended up staying a week and half. And I could blame Jonathan, but he's not the problem. Taking a week off from classes wasn't the problem either because I actually got some work done at home....I cant even pin point the problem actually....

All that I know is that I am tired of school! I am so over it! Like a friend said today on twitter, "my mind has graduated already". This is truly how I feel. As my friend Joel would say, I have a oh so bad case of Senioritis...and it is slowly killing me!

The days are moving so fast, they are all such a blur! Sometimes I feel like I am so behind in my life!

I was excited before hand about going to law school in the fall but I seriously have been thinking lately about taking a year off. I have been in school from pre-school straight up to my college career. To be in school from the age of four up to twenty one is a very long time. I think I may need a break because I def do not want to enter law school with this type of attitude....If I do, I feel like I would be setting myself up for failure....

If I do take a year, I have to be sure that I don't get comfortable and one year turns into three, which turns in six and before I know it, I'm approaching fifty years old and I never made it to law school.

This is a very tough decision. But I have been praying on it, and I am leaning toward the Lord for guidance....

As soon as I make the decision, I'm sure I will feel better because right now I just feel like I'm under a lot of pressure....

Hopefully things will get better.

Scratch that, I KNOW things will get better....they always get better in time.

Dear Lord,

I'm not praying to you or begging you for a lighter load, just a stronger back. I know you brought me this far and you wouldn't leave me here right now to fend for myself. I know you are by my side even when I feel you are not and that I am at my very lowest, you are there....and when I stop seeing two sets of foot prints in the sand...I know it is not because you left my side, but because you carried me for a while....

Sincerely

Kenese

Closer To My Dreams

"Yea...I remember me and, me and D used to talk about this stuff all the time, like what its gon be like when you get close to your dreams. I aint know much then, but i could probly tell you a lil somethin now"

We are in now in the month of Feb, and I graduate in May. I have less than three months here at HU...we dont count the month of May and we have alot of days out of school this sem and we have spring break...which is how there is less than three months left.
And I have been ranting and raving about how Im so ready to graduate, and leave Howard and get home to Jonathan, that I forgot about what I would be leaving behind! Which is my friends here at HU. I have a lot of people that I hang with and chill with, all from different states, and it dawned on me today ((dont know why it took so long really lol))...that after this year, I may very well never see these awesome people again in my life! Sure I will see some if I come back to HU for homecomings and to visit and whatnot, and some I will even invite to like my wedding and stuff...but the majority of these people that I share classrooms with, I wont see again. And this does saddens me a bit.
I like being able to access these people and call them up and they meet me on campus or we have a nice convo in a class. I will truly miss these things. And this year I am and have gotten close to some amazing people so far and I dont want to leave them! I swear these past four years have really passed me by! I was so focused on moving forward that I forgot to enjoy the present and the precious moments that I have now.
I have had some good times here at Howard and some bad times, and also some good memories and I will miss it all. Now I see how those seniors felt when they werent quite ready to leave and face the real world. I wish I could take HU and all of my friends and people whose company I enjoy back with me to Chicago, but I cant. Besides, where would all those people stay? Not with me and Jonathan! He would have a fit! LOL
I sure will miss my times at Howard and esp the people I shared those times with. I will be at every reunion and try to make as many trips back to DC and to other places to visit people as much as my schedule ((and Jonathan)) will allow me. Time dont go back, it goes forward, cant run from the pain go towards it. I wish I would have slowed down these past years and really enjoy HU and got all that I should have gotten from it...but I cant dwell on the past. Can only enjoy the time that I have here now, and I plan on doing so from here on out.
Although May 8, 2010 is rapidly approaching and I am getting closer to my dreams, this is a bittersweet feeling for me.
"Bittersweet, you're going to be the death of me, I dont want you, but I need you, I love you and hate you at the very same time"...and this is def how I feel about my relationship with Howard!

Snow Day! Snow Day!

The city of Washington, DC experienced a big snow storm over the weekend. The big blizzard of 2010 they are calling it. It is now Monday, it stopped snowing on Saturday! Why the hell aren't the streets plowed, salt put down, and public transportation running properly?! Grrrrrrr!!!! Now I don't mind the snow days, because classes got canceled today and tomorrow. But the problem with being snowed in in DC, is that you are really snowed in! Nothing is open! And the metro trains are only going to stops that are underground, which limits where you can go. Today I was waiting for a train for over an hour! This is unacceptable! Esp when it snowed over 48 hours ago! I feel like the snow is a problem here for one reason only, the officials of DC don't prepare for the snow! Instead of putting salt down, and getting the plow trucks out and people shoveling as soon as the snow stops, or even when it is coming down, people decide to raid and loot stores! I swear people in DC are acting like this is Y2K! Shheeessshhh!!!
I went into Target today and the shelves were completely empty! There wasn't even the basics like bread, eggs, and milk! It was all gone! This is sad, very sad!
Although I am from Chicago and we get snow frequently we haven't had this much snow in Chicago in a while. We got 22 inches over the weekend. We don't usually have snow days in Chicago, because as soon as the storm hits, the trucks are out plowing and salt is being thrown down. Schools are still open and people still report to work, snow does not stop nor slow anything down! Snow does NOT equal anthrax! Which is exactly how people in DC are acting right now!
My dear friend LaKendra, who also attends Howard and is also from Chicago put in best when she stated, "Dear D.C. seriously... This snow could have been gone, instead of fretting when you found out the storm was coming, you should have been preparing. Throw down some rock salt before the snow so it wont stick when it comes! Plow the roads after snow has landed! First it was how to run a country now its how to handle snow...Must we Chicagoans teach you everything?!"
And I agree!
Now DC, we gon give you one more chance to make this up to us! It's suppose to snow another 6 to 10 inches tomorrow night into Wednesday afternoon. The city knows this snow is coming, lets do something to prepare for it! Lets get the trucks rolling and the salt down as soon as the first flake falls! Now I really hope they are able to get things under control, because both I and some friends are mine have traveling plans this weekend, we have moves to make. It would sure be nice to be able to follow through with those. I will truly appreciate it Mother Nature, city of Washington, DC and last but not least God. Please make this happen!

Spoken Word Is the Auto-tone of Poetry....

"Spoken word is the auto-tone of poetry"....this is what one of my teachers told me. I am currently in a poetry class here at my last sem at HU. It's called Creative Writing Poetry. My teacher, Tony Medina is completely OD, but he's still cool and I like his teaching style ((sometimes lol)). He pushes us to write with imaginary and to make the words come alive. He also encourages us to read more books about poetry and the flow of it and the techniques behind it.
I used to write and perform spoken word my freshmen and sophomore years here at Howard, but because of my work schedule and heavy class schedule, I had to stop because I no longer had the time. But I do still appreciate good poetry when I come across it. I recently went to a public library here in DC, to get a book for another class, and I ended up picking up a book of love poems by Nikki Giovanni. And there are several poems in there that once I read, I immediately knew that was the way I felt about Jonathan....soooo....for a couple of blogs I will be posting poems by Nikki Giovanni and probably other poets throughout the sem as I continue on throughout the course...so just hang in there with me....here it goes!!!!!
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Love Is

Some people forget that love is
tucking you in and kissing you "Good night"
no matter how young or old you are

Some people don't remember that love is
listening and laughing and asking questions
no matter what your age

Few recognize that love is
commitment responsibility no fun at all
unless

Love is
You and me

_____________________________________________________________________________________
And I Have You

Rain has drops Sun as shine
Moon has beams That make you mine

Rivers have banks Sands for shores
Hearts have heartbeats That make me yours

Needles have eyes Though pins may prick
Elmer has glue To make things stick

Winter has Spring Stockings feet
Pepper has mint To make it sweet

Teachers have lessons Soup du jour
Lawyers sue bad folks Doctors cure

All and all this much is true
You have me And I have you

V Day!!!!

Valentine's Day is in a week and a half. A lot of people, esp females that I know, dislike the holiday. Is is because they don't have someone special to share it with? Bad V-Days in the past? I have been blessed to have not been presented with experiences that will cause me to have a bad lingering after math taste of me for V Day like some people I know. Even in the past, I've always had someone, even if I was single, do something for me on Valentine's Day. I have been blessed I know. I have never really had a bad V Day. But that's the past....no time to dwell on that.

This Valentine's Day, I believe, will mark the beginning of very special Valentine's Days here on out and years to come. Not because I know I'm getting something special, I don't even know if I will get anything at all this year lol, times are tight and I know this....but all of my Valentine's from here on out will be spent with Jonathan. I treasure all the time that I have with him. And to share a special holiday just for lovers with him, it special to me. So in all honesty, even if he just gives me a kiss and a hand made card, I will love it and appreciate it. The fact that I am sharing my time with him on that day, is special enough for me. That's how I know I truly love him...I don't care if I get a gift, he is my gift lol

Yeah I'm a sap and a sucker for love...all that good ish. But Jonathan made me this way, and I wouldn't have it any other way to tell you the truth.

I hope you guys and gals, find someone special to spend the holiday with. Even if it is not a significant other, spend it with a friend or even family members. What makes holidays in general so memorable, is the people you spend it with and the memories you acquire because of that time spend together.

Be safe and enjoy the holiday.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Adoption vs Abortion

"See everybody at the door ain't got a key. You on the outside looking in, now tell me what you see"
A friend of mine and I were watching the TV series Teen Mom. Teen Mom is basically a show that shows these young girls who have children at 16. They follow the girls and their lives from the time the girls are in their third trimester, give birth, and up until the child turns 1 year old. This season was a good one, in my opinion. There were four girls on there. Maci and her son, Bentley. Amber and her daughter Leah, Farrah and her daughter Sophia, and Catelynn and her daughter Carly. Although I could write on these four girls all day lol...this blog will be discussing Catelynn and Tyler (her boyfriend/baby's father) situation. Tyler and Catelynn gave their daughter Carly up for adoption. My friend and I were having a debate on adoption and abortion shorty after the show went off.
She felt as though Catelynn and Tyler should have kept their child, struggled with her, and raised her alone. I felt that the young couple made the correct decision. Both her and I felt that although abortion is your choice, we are both pro-life, so Catelynn not getting an abortion was a good thing in our opinion. Catelynn and Tyler were dirt poor, living in a tailor home, and lived with their parents. Tyler's Dad was married to Catelynn's Mom ((I don't even know why Tyler and Catelynn were dating and having sex than! Maybe they got bored and decided to do it, Idk lol...but anyways....)) It wasn't exactly the best environment to be raising a child. It could have been done....
But Catelynn and Tyler decided to find a perfect family for Carly, a couple that could give her everything that they could not give her....mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally and financially. Nor did they have a support system themselves. The only family they had were individual parents who were now married to each other, who did not support Catelynn and Tyler upon the disclosure of Catelynn's pregnancy. In fact, the parents moved out and Catelynn and Tyler were forced to try to find a way to make it on their own.
Adoption, in my opinion, when done right, is the most selfless act a mother could do for her child, esp when the act is done for the best for the children. Simply giving your child to a foster home or orphanage in my opinion is different from adoption. Adoption, to me, is when the biological parents set out to find a fit couple for their child. And a lot of adoptions are sometimes closed, but Catelynn and Tyler decided to keep theirs open. So they get pictures and updates about Carly ever three months or so.
I can't say what I will or wont do when faced with a situation like pregnancy when in a situation such as Catelynn and Carly's. Esp when I look at movies such as Pursuit of Happyness when Will Smith was living in a shelter with his son and sleeping on the floor in a public restroom in a train station. I can not even begin to image what to do, how to think, what to feel. But in a situation so bad, I would not want my child to be exposed to that struggle of me having nothing and living in a shelter.
Everyone isn't strong enough for adoption, abortion, or raising a child. Different people have different degrees of strength, and what they can and cannot take and/or sacrifice in their life. Watching that show taught me a humbling experience and here I was thinking I was just watching it to be entertained. It taught me to be thankful for my parents, grandparents, and their struggles to raise me and get me to where I am today and for their continuing support. Lord knows I could have been Carly, or one of the Carlys of the world, but I wasn't and I'm not.
I try harder now to not judge a person so quickly, esp if I don't have all of the facts and background behind their story, which you usually don't, because people disclose to you what they want you to know about them. Adoption or abortion, what would you do?