A Letter To My Soulmate

To My Soulmate,

How many people can say that? They have truly found their soulmate? I am blessed and highly favored for God has brought my soulmate to me, and at such a younger and tender age. But a wise person once time told, "true love doesn't care about age nor time". What you and I have, people will search their whole lives for and may never get close to obtaining, touching, or even feeling just a small spark of! God truly blessed me when He brought you into my life. You have helped me to grow and mature in more ways you know. I thank God for you being in my life constantly. And I continously ask Him to continue to bless us and to keep our faith in this relationship, and to keep giving us courage, strength, and hope to endure both our relationship and our friendship.

You are my best friend. You've always been there when I needed you. I know if I don't have anyone else, I have you in my corner when I feel like the world is against me. You help me to restore my faith in humanity and most importantly, God.

You keep me humble and help me to know that there is more to life than all that appears to glitter and glisten. You have taught me what it means to make plans, have goals, to build, to give back and care for the community. You have taught and shown me how to really and truly make sacrifices. I thank you for all of this and more. I also thank you for sticking with me through all of my MANY ((LOL)) rough patches and showing me/teaching me how to have patience.

You have taught and shown me what hard work really consists of. But I have also had the wonderful opportunity for you to show me how hard work really does pay off ((at least it does eventually LBS)).

I love you, appreciate you, and am gratfeul to have you as my life long partner during this adventure of live that I have yet to face because of all the reasons I previously mentioned, all of the reasons I will mention in the future, and for all of the reasons that won't be expressed. My teacher once told me, "where your treasure is, is where the heart will be". And both my treasure and heart lay in you Jonthan Dowdy.

I know sometimes I can be a handful, but you accept me and love me, flaws, problems, complications, and all. How blessed I am to have such a wonderful person just in my life. And everything that I mentioned is so very special and unique, because not only do I feel this way for you, but you feel the same as I do. And how do I know this? Because you show me in your words that you speak to me everyday and in your actions that you display to me constantly. This love is so special and rare because it's reciporal. Derwin told Melanie that you know when you know when you really and truly love someone and know that that person is the one, because you just do. You are my Derwin ((well without the cheating drama and babies on the side...THANK GOD! LBS)), my knight in shining armor. I thank God for bringing you to me because I was so lost without you.

All of this to say, I love you Jonathan. With all of my heart and very being. And I wouldn't have it any other way. I look foward to this journey of life with you as my partner, through sickeness and heath, richer and poorer, and til death do us part. You are truly my soulmate and my one in a million. I love you.

"Aint No Mountain High Enough Babbbyyy...."

"Listen, baby. Ain't no mountain high, ain't no vally low, ain't no river wide enough, baby. If you need me, call me...No matter where you are, no matter how far, just call my name I'll be there in a hurry. You don't have to worry cause baby...There ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough, ain't no river wide enough to keep me from getting to you."

And this is how I feel about my family. Esp my younger siblings. I am the oldest of 5, I have two younger brothers, James ((20)), Crisitan ((7)), and two younger sisters, Kishelle ((17)), and Kenae ((10)). I love all of my younger siblings. And if they ever need me for anything, no matter what it is, they know they can call me up and ask me and Imma break my neck to try to get it. I SUPER♥ them!

Now dont get me wrong, they WRECK MY NERVES SOMETHING SERIOUS! LBS ((Laughing But Serious)) but I wouldnt trade them from the wrong. James is my smoking gun, Kishelle is my chocolate drop, Kenae is my baby model, and Crisitan is my stanka man! Although times get rough, and we get into it, and we argue and fight, there are no other people I would rather be a big sister to. I take my job as their role model very seriously. I try my best to make them proud. Everytime I think about giving up on something, or just relaxing a little on some work, or not going to work, I think about how they need me and look up to me, and how they expect so much from me, so I keep pushing. Senior year is OD hard. Much harder than I imagined it to be...and sometimes I want to give up so bad, or slack off, but I think about how proud and excited my brothers and sisters will be when they come up here in May for that good ole graduation. And how by me pushing through the pain, encourages them to do the same. I want them to look at me, and be able to say and/or think, "Kenese did it, so I know I can." And believe me, James, Kishelle, Kenae and Cristian, you can! You guys can do anything that you put your mind to and trust and believe your big sister will always be by your side, encouraging and helping you to make it through. I love you guys....ALL of you!

"Fish Dont Fry In Da Kitchen...."

I recently had a conversation at work with my manangers and other co-workers about love and relationships etc, etc, clearly.....there was so much to the conversation that it will be split into two parts. This first part would be on the way to a man's heart.

Now one of my co-workers, named Aisha, is 32, and happily married with two sons ((by her husband)). And as she was leaving, she was telling me and my other co-workers what she was going to cook for her husbands and boys the following day, which happened to be a thursday. My manager was like, "you doing all of that on a weekday". And Aisha replied, "why yes. That's the real way to a man's heart, thru his stomach." And now I have to disagree.

I am happily engaged and soon to be married and I don't cook. Sure I know how to do simple things, like tacos, hamburgers, and skillet dinners, but not turkey, chicken, mashed potatoes, cornbread....real "soul food, sunday dinner type ish". So does that mean that Jonathan doesnt really love me because I dont know how to throw down in the kitchen? And I expressed to Aisha and my managers that I am just to busy to cook. LSAT, school, doin homework, studying, actually working for them ((lol)) and being in a relationship ((because that takes works too, but that's another blog for another day lol)). I make simple things that can be whipped up real fast, in like 20 minutes or less. And with the career path that I have chosen to follow, my crazy life will be bumped up to hetic! And I dont see where learning how to cook and do all that other house-wife type ish will fit in!

I believe that saying still may have some value to it, but it is more old fashioned than anything. That was during those days when women were expected to take care of the children, the house, and cook and clean all day. Not to say that there is anything wrong with being a house wife because I dont want to offend anyone, but times have changed very much since those days. Women want careers just like men do. Women aim and strive to be doctors, nurses, presidents and CEOs of companies, real estate agents, and lawyers! And men want women who are just as driven, focused, and ambitious as they are. Jonathan is not with me because of what I can do in the kitchen, nor in the bedroom, but because we can build a foundation together to make a better future for the both of us. The majority of men know their own way around the kitchen now a days! They arent strangers to the skillet! lol

I know it may be nice to come home to a nice cooked dinner and massage and hot bath, but to tell the truth, most days Jonathan may make it home before me. And some days he may not. We will deal with it when we get there. So the question still remains, "to learn to cook or not?". And for the moment, I would have to say to not. Not at least until the children get here, and than, with the combined income of me and Jonathan, we can always hire someone to cook for us ;)

They Need A Hero....

"They looking for..... a hero....I guess that makes me.... a hero"

My hero is my father! Why yes, I am and will forver be Daddy's Little Girl! I love my Daddy!

He is my everything and my all. Although he is remarried and doesnt live with my mom and us anymore, he has still always be there for both me and my siblings whenever we needed him. I can talk to my Dad about anything and everything and I do. He has such a calming soul and demeanor. When my Dad gives advice, I listen and take it to heart, because I know that he has my best interest at heart, and that when he speaks he doesnt judge.

When I take a male to meet my father, I look for his opinion. He knows how to tell if someone really loves me or just using me. My father loves Jonathan and approves of him. And that makes my heart smile. I love sitting back and just watching those two laugh, talk, and joke. They go play basketball together, but I dont do sports so they do that without me! lol

Some girls look for a "hero" in the males that they choose to date or get involved with. No me. I have a hero in my father. So when I look for a male to get involved, I look for similiar characteristics that they need to have that my father has. They have to be loyal, understanding, open minded, willingly to communicate and work things out, not judgemental and just have unconditional love for me!

I know no one will ever love me like my Dad does, but there is some close competition! Family means alot to me, both sides. And although my Mom does for me also, and she drives me ccccrrrraaaazzzzzyyyy ((seriously, you dont know the half of it! smh :o)) I still love her with my very being, BUT I am a Daddy's Girl to the fullest. I love my Dad and although I love Jonathan dearly, my father is the main man that is the true love of my life. I dont know where I would be or the woman that I would have developed into if he wasn't in my life. The thought of him not being there is scary and Im glad I never have had to experience that feeling. I love you Dad!

"Words can't express my boundless gratitude for you

I appreciate what you do

You've given me such security

No matter what mistakes I know you're there for me

You cure my disappointments and you heal my pain

You understand my fears and you protected me

Treasure every extraordinary memory and that's why…

I want my unborn son to be like my daddy

I want my husband to be like my daddy

There is no one else like my daddy

And I thank you for loving me

Even if my man broke my heart today

No matter how much pain I'm in I will be okay

Cause I got a man in my life that can't be replaced

For this love is unconditional it won't go away

I know I'm lucky

Know it ain't easy

For men who take care of their responsibilities

Love is overwhelming
Lord why did you pick me

Can't stop my tears from falling

I love you so much daddy"

Turn Your Stupid WAAAYYY DDDOOWWNNN...

An old friend used to tell me all the time that common sense aint so common now a days...and boy was she right!

The girls these days are sooooo utterly dumb that it makes me gag and throw up in my mouth! Jeez! You have been dealing with the SAME person for ALL this time and during all this time there has been NO SIGNS OF CHANGE! Yet and still, you try to "work things" out anyways.

YOU CANT WORK OUT STUPIDITY!

At first, watching this vast display of ignorance was funny, now its just distrubing! I worry about our future! These females will be mothers one day! Lord I pray they dont pass their stupidity down!

You are not in love and he doesnt love you! And he has been showing you this from the VERY BEGINNING! HE HASNT CHANGED! What you are doing is wallowing in density! How could one person contain so much dumbness, I do not know!

JUST STOP PLEASE!

I WANT TO SCREAM!

STOP FALLING FOR ALL THE BULLSHIT AND LIES!

Love yourself enough to know when someone else really and truly loves you and wants to be with just you!

A good male friend once told me that if a man really wants a woman, he WONT PLAY NO GAMES WITH HER! And that's the way its suppose to be! There wont be other individuals involved, and he wont let other factors dedicate ya'll personal relationship! If all of that is still going on than maybe he is not mature enough to be in a relationship right now. Realize that and let it go!

Jeezzzzzzz.......There are good men left out there, but you have to turn your stupid and goofy down to find them! Ugh!

Im disgusisted! Im going to bed!

I Think I Love Her...I KNOW I Love Her!!!!

"Whenever I'm down, I call on you my friend, a helping hand you lend, in my time of need. So I'm, I'm calling you now. Just to make it through, what else can I do? Don't you hear my plea? Cause friends may come and friends may go. But you should know that, I have your back, it's automatic. So call me when you need a friend, cause I'm your sister. And always for ya and I....don't know where I ever be without you, from the beginning to the end. You've always been here right beside me, so I'll call you my best friend. Through the good times and the bad ones, whether I lose or if I win. I know one thing that never changes and that's you as my best friend"

I dont really bang with alot of females like that. So with that being said, I may have a few females that I call friends but not really. I tend to use the term "friends" loosely. But this pass summer and year, I have come to find out who my REAL friends are. And the list is mighty short.

This pass summer and year I have had lost "friends" for numerous reasons. Boys being one, someone lying on me ((UGH! IF YOU WERE REALLY MY FRIEND THAN YOU WOULD KNOW ME AND BE ABLE TO TELL WHEN SOMEONE IS NOT SPEAKING THE TRUTH ABOUT ME....UGH! ANYWAYS....)), for them lying, for her not being there when I needed her to be...the bottom line, there is always one person that I know I will ALWAYS be able to count on being ther for ((well besides my family and Jonathan lol)) and that is Pavielle Danae Randolph.

We have been best friends since 1999. That's a long time right?! I KNOW! We have been best friends since like the 6th, trrruuueeee story! And I love this girl like OD! She has been there with me through EVERYTHING! She has seen me at my very best and at my very worst!There are some things that ONLY SHE knows and I know that she will take that ish to the GRAVE with her if I ask her to! I can never disown her, she knows waaayyy too much! Everytime I needed her, she has never hesitated to be there. She has surpassed the friendship level, and I now consider her a sister. If she needs a kindey, liver, or lung, she knows Im in the hosptial signing my organs away for her! Yep, it's that deep!

Good friends are very hard to come by in this lifetime. And if you have a special one, who accepts you flaws and all, willingly to put up with your BS ((like they are your spouse NO HOMO lol)) and still be there through thick and thin at the drop of a dime, you better keep em! Cause you aren't going to find too many more like that in this lifetime! I have found my true friend/sister/soul sister for this lifetime and I dont need another. Sorry that position in my life is taken, get to the back of the line and fill out another application for another position cause she got this ish on lock! lol

With all that being said, I just want her to know that I love her dearly! Although I may act like a selfish, controlling brat, that's just the way I am, but she knows it and I love her!!! That's my "baby love, my baby love, I need ya, oh how I need ya love" lol ((MAJOR INNY))

Yep, that's my best friend and I'm proud to have her by my side!

"You are my best friend. You been right there through thick and thin. You are my best friend. Gotten me through places I been. You are my best friend. Through our situations, you've been an inspiration. My best friend, you're still here, and I love you"

The Glass Ceiling

Definition:
An invisible upper limit in corporations and other organizations, above which it is difficult or impossible for women and/or minorities to rise in the ranks.
It is glass because it's not usually a visible barrier, and a woman may not be aware of its existence until she "hits" the barrier. In other words, it's not an explicit practice. The term was popularized in the 1980s.
I have never worked so hard in my life than I am currently right now. I'm working like a Hebrew slave now, so that I can enjoy the fruits of this labor later. Of course I go to school full time, which is hard in and of itself since I am a senior, and Im pre-law, so I have to focus on passing these classes and study for the LSAT. Oh and by the way, the LSAT is THE hardest grad school admissions test there is. Harder than any entrance exam to get into any medical school or any other grad school for that matter. Yeah, Im def aiming to crack that glass ceiling.
Sometimes I feel like I have all these invisible barriers working against me. As soon as I crack one ceiling, there is another one there. Being an African-American woman graduting from a HBCU, even if it is one of the TOP schools in the country, people will still question if I am qualified for a position even though I am able to look at the decription of the job and see that I may be OVER qualified! But I am working hard, getting things done!
On top of staying focused on my classes, and preparing for the LSAT, I also work about 30 hours a week! Yes I am grinding! I am working so many hours, to save money now, for plans that I have post gradution, dont worry, I will enlighten you guys with those plans later on down the line ;). So you can only IMAGINE how tired I am and be some days! I be exhausted! But I know it will all pay off in the end. Besides, I am no stranger to hard work, so I welcome it and the challanges that come with the territory. These are all problems that driven, African American women encounter when trying to crack and shatter that glass ceiling. So although at time I feel like I may be alone, I know really Im not. I have God by my side and support from Jonathan and friends and family and I know that they are hundreds, maybe thousands of women who are not only leaving a trail for me to follow, but who are also walking along side me and I cant wait to meet them!
First stop, Howard Univeristy graduation, second stop law school graduation, after that, the possibilite are endless, and the sky will be the limit because I cant let a silly glass ceiling stop me! I have to break ALL barriers!
I can see the end at the beginning, so Im not racing, Im just spriting.