Regret

Looking back, I regret doing some things that I have done in the past. There are some things I regret not doing when I had the chance. If I had a chance, there are some things I would do over altogether. I just live with these regrets and try and make things better as I continue on in this life of mine. But there are certainly some things I would change of my past, if I could........

If I Knew Than...

I hear the phrase, "If I knew than what I know now...."and this could not be anymore true for me right now.
Going through my senior year and trying to juggle everything else with my work for my classes, is a real struggle. I just received my lsat score back, and Im not as pleased as I thought I was going to be. At first I was thinking about doing Teach For America and putting law school on the back burner for two years. Teaching children was never in the plans for me, but it may very well be a back up plan. Teach For America will pay for law school and its entirety, and in return I will have to teach children in proverty for two years. My only problem is that I dont know if I want to put law school on the back burner for two years.
I really wish sometimes that I could go back in time and start all over again. Just be a freshmen at Howard Univeristy and do my undergrad experience all over again. I wish I knew as a freshmen, what I know now as a senior and maybe my senior year and this transition wouldnt be so difficult for me.
Now by all means, I am not complaining at all. I am very blessed to be in the position that I am with, with my struggles and all, but sometimes it gets to be too much.
As a told a peer earlier, I cant go back in time, I can only push forward. And I have to continue to push foward and I will do so. Just wish I knew back than what I know now.
"Back in the day when I was young, Im not a kid anymore, but some days I sit and wish I was a kid again"
Man aint that the truth!

Burning Bridges

Someone once told me the hardest thing in life is deciding which bridges to cross and which to burn. However, when you decide these things, you must keep in mind that the bridges you want to burn you don't need the people on the other side. Don't burn bridges if you know you can't swim. If you know you will need that person and/or that connections that that the person offers, than don't cut that person off completely...but keep them at a distance.
I regret cutting off some of the people that I have cut off but not because I feel like I will need them later on down the road. Just miss the friendships sometimes, but I realized that although we were friends for an amount of time, our lives were going in different directions and it was time to part, thus those bridges had to be burned. Jonathan's aunt always tells us that in order for two people to walk together, they must agree. When the people don't agree...that's when its time for the bridges to burn.
Burning bridges may be a good or bad thing, depends on how and why the bridges were burned. And you will see the results of whether it is in the long run. So choose your bridges wisely!

Mr. Houston

Now anyone that knows me, know that I love, love, LOVE....MUSIC! It is the soundtrack to my life! Music picks up where words stop! I like all types of music, country, pop, hip hop, r&b, all that good ish! But this blog will be about one artist in particular, Marques Houston.
I will not lie, I am not a die hard IMX or Marques Houston, I only have a couple of his songs on my Ipod, and they are the songs on the radio, like "Circle" ((classic by the way)), "Naked", "Because Of You" and "Sex With You"....however, I recently listened to his new album Mr. Houston and I cannot like, I have to admit that I love it!
However I am disappointed a bit. This album was not promoted nor marketed very well and as a result, this wonderful album will not get the credit that it truly deserves! Im disappointed because his album dropped in Sept of this year and I knew nothing about it! Didn't even hear a single from it! I found out that he had a new album because I saw it on the Wendy Williams show ((yes I watch that show, I have a love/hate relationship with it lol)). And I just found out that he had a video for his single "Date" which I really enjoy, and I knew nothing about! So I decided to give it a listen.....Mr. Houston, Mr. Houston....
I really, really like the flow and style of this album. I honestly enjoy all of the tracks, and some just speak to me personally. For example, his song, "Case of You"...he sings,
"Girl, I'm feeling like I'm coming down with a case of you.
Now it started in my head but it trickled down to my shoes.
I feel so weak, so hard to breathe.
But it seems to only happen when you leave, girl.
Ain't nobody ever had me feeling quite like you do.
I'm coming down with a case of you"
and that's exactly how I feel about My Godiva Baby ((Jonathan))...enough said! lol
But than there is his song, "Date"...he tells the girl he not trying no funny business, not trying to sleep with her, just trying to take her on a DATE and get to know her better as an individual...which I feel more guys need to be like. Our generation has gotten away from it's roots and has settled under this blanet of ignorance...and things arent the way they were suppose to be anymore....
Mr. Houston shows that there are some young men out there who have not forgotten how to treat a lady....and he lets you know he does in such songs are "Restaurant" and "Beautiful Woman". And he describes how he gets a rush of feelings for a certain girl in his song, "Excited". He also goes into detail over the fight that he has with himself over loving his ex even though he know he shouldnt because she's no good for him in his song, "Letter"...
I dont usually judge and grade albums, because that is an artist's creative outlet, but this album just took me by surpise. So much that I was moved to write about it! I love this album and MH has my support! This album def gets an A+ in my book! I encourage all to go out and get this album!

Scared Of Lonely

"I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely, I'm scared of lonely"
Too often do women feel like this. They are scared to be alone, well lonely. But alone does not always equal lonely. How can you expect someone to love you for who you are, if you don't know who you are in the first place. Why are you scared to be alone? Are you scared to be alone with your thoughts? You will be stuck with your flaws and short comings?
But here is the thing....EVERYONE HAS FLAWS AND NO ONE IS PERFECT! Even when it may seem like a certain someone is perfect, believe me, they are not. The grass is not greener on the other side, it's green where you water it. Yeah, the girl next door green may look green and healthy, but you dont know how much her water bill is and to what cost she has to go through in order to get it paid.
Some females are so afraid to be alone, with themselves, that they will settle for ANY man. He can be a HALF OF A BOY, not even a man, but they will keep him around because they are scared to grow old alone. Why? Don't you know by keeping this boy around you just may very well be blocking your blessing of allowing a real man to come into your life.
If the good is outweighing the bad, and I mean, really outweighing it, than you have to let that relationship go. God gives us signs that certain people are not for us, yet we see the signs and ignore them. Yeah, we sometimes choose to live in a selective reality. And we have to stop this because the only one that is getting hurt in the end, is us, well you in that case. There are so many girls ((some are friends, some are just girls I know, and some are girls that I dont even like, but Im not a hater and I give credit where credit is due)) that can do better and they dont. Simply because they are afraid to be single, because to them, single equals alone which equals lonely. Well if you enjoy the person that you are always with ((which is yourself)) you can never be lonely! And if you have great friends, you will never be lonely either!
I know sometimes you want more than yourself, and more than friends, but at what cost? Your health, your sanity, your pride, your image? What lengths will you go thru just to keep a boy? In the end, you will realize, that you were already alone in that relationship, so just cut the dead weight and free yourself for someone good to come along. Believe me sweetie, just like you got him, you can get someone else, and someone that is better. Please know your worth, because if you don't, you will sell yourself short every time!!!
"I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of be the only shadow I see along a wall"
But sometimes, one healthy shadow, is better than two sickly shadows....think about it....
would you rather be alone or play the role of the broken hearted girl?
Yeah you have a man, but he comes with all these problems, other girls, drama, baby mommies, kids ((other than yours)), no job, refuse to grow up, and just cant seem to be faithful.
The only reason I feel I can speak on this subject is because I been there, done that, got the t shirt and will not be going on that road trip again. And if I can do it, I know these other girls can. You never know how strong you have to be untl being strong is the only choice you have....
but that's a choice that you have to make on your end....
To be alone or play the role of the broken hearted girl over and over again?
I am blessed to say that I'm not longer in that situation where I have to pick between those two....but when I was....
I picked to be alone

and take a look at me now......

It Couldve Been Me!!!!

" It could've been ME, with no clothes or shoes and no food to eat, It could've been me without your love Lord tell me where would I be....I just can't thank you enough no matter how hard I try, Jesus I realize it could've been ME"
What is the true meaning of Thanksgiving? To give thanks right! Some people often take the things that they have in their life for granted, and I will not lie, I am one of those people. I complain and nag alot about what's wrong in my life and don't take the time to acknowledge all the good as much as I should.
It is very true that I have problems, but it could def be much worst than what it is. I am blessed with good health, my sanity, friends, family, a fiance, a good education,a job, I don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from, I have shelter, good clothes, shoes, and even purses and accessories of all sorts. I will be blessed with the opportunity to go to law school in the fall and than after that blessed to be able to have a career in my choice of field.

I think now a days people are so focused on what they don't have and trying to get what they don't have, that they fail to see all of the good things that they already do have right in front of them. People fail to appreciate their current blessings. And that must stop before it is all taken away.
I originally was about to write on another topic but something moved me to write this one. It is 4am, I have to get up for work at 8am. There is no reason I should be up, because I'm def NOT doing any Black Friday shopping, too many people and I don't like crowds! Ugh! I am blessed to not have to go through that! But here I am writing this...they say if you want to hear the Lord laugh, tell HIM what YOUR plan is...I know the Lord is chucking at me right now than....
LBS ((Laughing But Serious))
I am also thankful for my struggles, trials and tribulations. For if I did not go through what I did in my past, I would not be where I am today. Like A. Keys said in her song Lesson Learned, "Life's perfect aint perfect if you don't know what the struggles for. Falling down aint falling down if you don't cry when you hit the floor. It's called the past, cause I'm getting pass and I aint nothing like I was before...you outta see me now. Yes I was burned but I called it a Lesson Learned"
Jeeeezzz I love that song!
Anywhooo lol....
The point is, be thankful for what you have and what you don't have. You have what you have for a reason and you also have what you do not have for a reason. Everything isn't for everybody, and God has a different plan for you. Be thankful for the blessings you had, the blessings you have now and for the blessings to come. When I pray, I thank God for the blessings I deserve and have earned and for those that I know I didn't deserve but he gave to me anyway! Now that is an awesome God right there!
I just thank the Lord, because it couldve been me! And I will try my best to make a conscious effort to not complain and nag so much because it could always be worst. And I will try my best to appreciate what I have in front of me. Can't make any promises, but I will put forth an effort to try! ;)
Happy Turkey Day of 2009!

Can You Help Me????

"My piece of bread only belongs to me when I know that everyone else has a share, and that no one starves while I eat." Which is how the world suppose to be. We, as human beings, and esp African Americans I feel, should always be willingly to help the next person, esp if you are in the condition in which you can help someone who you knows needs the help. But what if you don't even know that the next person needs help?

I had a recent convo with Jonathan, and we discussed the topic of help and African Americans. How us African Americans are so hesitant to ask for help, and why is that? We both came to a conclusion that it is two reasons that us Black folks are not so willingly to put out our hand and ask for help, one being our pride and the second being the fact that some of us are just not using to having the help available there for us.
African Americans, esp males, do not want to ask for help because we scared to be looked upon as weak. The pride always comes before the fall. Don't be afraid to ask someone for help if it is truly needed. Some men I know we will go sick or starve before they ask their fellow peer for some help. We all need someone to help us along this journey in life at one point of time in our lives. The pride can be a very nasty thing when it gets in the way of asking for help. It plays tricks on your mind and make you think that people will look at you in a different light when that is just not true. For example, if a man has no money and know that there will be no money coming in, and he has a child, he will steal, rob, and maybe kill before turning to a "friend" and just simply explaining the situation to him and asking for help. Now do not take advantage of a person and always ask them for something if you know you can get it on your own and you just don't want to, or if you are not helping yourself! You ask that friend for help, but you also ask that friend does he/she know anyone that is hiring or anyone that you can do some work for so that you can get some extra cash in your pockets. There is a difference between needing help and just being greedy and/or lazy!
The second reason being that us African Americans are just not used to having help there for us. If you went to any type of public school in a big city, just as Chicago, New York, Philly, etc etc, you may know this from experience. I can only speak on behalf of Chicago Public School systems and no one else because that this the only public school system I have been in, but those teachers do not care to really help you out. The teachers pick their "favorites" and try to help those people out along the way, and if you aren't one of them, than you are S.O.L. For example, I had a teacher in high school, who gave me nothing above a C in her class! I would go to her and try to ask her could she help me to see what she was expecting from me or what better I could do, and she never had any time for me after school. But one of her suppose to be "star" students, always got As and Bs and she always made time for them! As a result I had to find help else where....but some people aren't as fortunate as I am to be able to have the resources to go elsewhere to get help. For some students, these public school teachers are all they have. And it may be sad and unfortunate and not the teacher's fault, but the fact of the matter, is that it's our reality. I know friends and family members who were simply passed along...so now they are grown but only reading and operating educational wise at a 3rd or 4Th grade level. So these people prolly figure what's the point of asking for help if they are always being told no. This is a sad and dim reality for some people and I am so sorry that they have been dealt that deck of cards for their lifetime.
It's always hard to ask for help, no matter who you are...but sometimes, you just have to swallow your pride and ask, because you just may get what you were looking and/or asking for.

And Her Name Is....Me....

I am soooo rude! lol...I realized that I have started this blog and I have been writing for a couple months now, but I didn't formally introduce myself. First off and for most, I really don't feel like I need an introduction, but I will give one this time and this time only. My name is Kenese Clay, soon to be Kenese Dowdy. My friends and family and other "associates" call me Pippi, like Pippi Longstockings the cartoon character. I got that name from a friend in high school and it has just stuck with me.
I am the oldest of five, and I love all my siblings. I am a senior at the prestigious Howard University in Washington, DC....yeah I go to the BLACK HARVARD! lol...
I love both my parents dearly, but I am a die hard Daddy's girl. I love my grandmother just as much as I love my mother.
I have been blessed to find my soul mate at the young age of 20.
I have one very best friend/sister, Pavielle. I have alot of other close friends, but not that many.
I have a god daughter, who I love and adore dearly, Zaria.
I don't hang with females like that, they are too catty and petty and will fuck you over faster than a male will sometimes.
I am a naturally mean person, and I have a major attitude and mouth problem. I say what I feel and most of the time without thinking and without hesitation.
Once you get on my bad side, it's really, really REALLY difficult to get back on my good side. But on the other side of that, if I consider you a "friend" or even someone I am cool with, I will ride with you to the fullest. I am one of those people, who you would rather have on your side than against you. I can ruin people's lives, yes I have the power to do so.
Once I've made up my mind that I no longer want to be bothered with a person, that's it for that person. I am a very stubborn individual.
I am a very intelligent individual as well. I will be attending law school next year. I plan to be making ALOT of money before I turn 26. I am very passionate about criminal law.
I am very determined and passionate. Once I set my mind to accomplish something, I do it, no matter how long it takes me. Thats true dedication.
If I am good at something, believe me, you will know.
My three fav things, besides Jonathan of course, lol...are music, books, and boots. You can never go wrong with any of those things.
Four things I am good at/enjoy doing are taking pictures ((LOVE DOING THAT!)), arguing, texting, and ignoring people.
Four things I hate the most would be stupid stalkers ((I wouldnt know you were silently stalking me if you didnt make a status about it, or write it on a mutual friend's wall....goofy!)),liars, phony people, and odd numbers!
I learn something new every day, and I try to act like a role model and a woman more and more everyday....although it works out better for me on some days than others lol
I am a workaholic...I like having my own money and I like getting gifts for people and doing nice things for those I love....
And last but not least, I love to laugh. Laughing is my favorite!
So that's me....in a nutshell.
Now back to my regularly scheduled blogs.... :)

ps - One more thing...if you don't like what I write, STOP READING IT AND STAY THE F OFF OF MY DAMN PAGE! IT'S REALLY JUST THAT SIMPLE!
AND IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH SOMETHING THAT I WRITE, DIRECT IT TO ME! PLEASE AND THANK YOU!.....................................................................................
Now back to the regular blogging

You Want To Be Like Those Girls In The Movies....

I recently came across this video on someone else's blog and I couldn't help but to indulge myself and watch it, and I loved it! It explains why the wedding ring goes on the fourth finger of the hand and it is so true. Now before watching this video, let me explain something. I have heard alot of buzz about some people I know getting married within the next couple years. That's fine. Congrats!
Believe me, falling in love is the easy part.People often think that marriage is like the love stories and movies....not the case! You have to work to actually stay in love, and that's where people usually go wrong! Both parties have to be willingly to work to stay in the relationship, stay in love, stay committed and faithful, and be willingly to make the necessary sacrifices in order for the relationship to grow.
Marriage is not just like a relationship, in which you can walk away, or just say it's over, or go sleep with someone else because you are mad at your spouse! It does not work that way! Feelings are temporary, so do not act on an impulse and than be stuck with permanent consequences.
And please don't marry someone because you want to "keep them". That's just like the age old theory that if you have a baby by someone, that you will keep them. If a person really wants to stay, nothing can make them leave. And if a person really wants to leave, nothing can make them stay. The sooner people realize this, the better. For those who are actually ready for marriage and have what it takes to make a marriage work ((not a relationship)) congrats and kudos to you! And I wish you and yours nothing but well wishes and happiness. For those of you who know you are NOT ready for marriage, and that you are just in love with the idea of marriage and having a husband, you need to chill out and wait until you are ready. Because if you do something and you are not ready, it will show in your actions and your marriage will fail. You will both cheat, he will cheat, or you will cheat, or some type of abuse will go on, or you will end up with a divorce. Marriage is a big step, so only take it when YOU KNOW YOU ARE READY AND NOT A MOMENT BEFORE THAT!
Please really listen to the message behind this video, and take into account the meaning behind it. Enjoy! ((And thanks B. Lanier, I stole it from your blog lol))

I Don't Need A Lighter Load, But A Stronger Back Will Do Just Fine

As the year slowly progesses, I start to feel the pressures of senior year more and more every day. A project due in this class, a paper due in that class, this law school application due, a personal statement for that application, go to work, LSAT prep...UUGGGHHH!!!!
Sometimes I joke with my friends that maybe I should have just gotten pregnant in high school and just stopped after I got my high school diploma, or just dropped out altogether! I joke but sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like had I taken that route. I look at some of my friends and it seems that they are have a fairly simple, stress free life, whereas Im freakin out on a daily basis. Although this may be true of them now, that doesn't mean that it will be like that later or that it was even like that leading up to this point in their life.
People give you a glimpse into their lives, but you see what they want you to see. Who knows how hard someone had to struggle to get to that stress free, happy moment in their life? I dont, and neither do you.
All this to say that I really hope ALL of this hard work that I am putting in for all endevaors that I am trying to pursue pays off in the end. I am working my ass off for some things right now and I will be working even harder in the near future. I pray to God to continue to give me strength, hope, and faith in Him so that I can endure all that is to come. All the while all of this is going on, I have to keep reminding myself that it is almost over. I graudate in 7 months. It may seem far away, but its really not. This semester is damn near over. Its nov already! After Thanksgiving break, the semester is a wrap! Students come back for like 2 weeks, take final exams, and than it's home for christmas break.
Jeeezzzzz I cant wait to it's over and I am walking across that stage and I am enjoying all of the fruits of my hard labor....all that, to do it all over again in law school! lol
The madness never ends I see! "Lord please be with me. Im not praying for a lighter load, but a stronger back for I know that you wouldn't be too much on me that I couldnt bear." Now.....BRING ON THE CHALLANGES! NO SLEEP TIL MAY! LBS ((LAUGHING BUT SERIOUS))

A Letter To My Soulmate

To My Soulmate,

How many people can say that? They have truly found their soulmate? I am blessed and highly favored for God has brought my soulmate to me, and at such a younger and tender age. But a wise person once time told, "true love doesn't care about age nor time". What you and I have, people will search their whole lives for and may never get close to obtaining, touching, or even feeling just a small spark of! God truly blessed me when He brought you into my life. You have helped me to grow and mature in more ways you know. I thank God for you being in my life constantly. And I continously ask Him to continue to bless us and to keep our faith in this relationship, and to keep giving us courage, strength, and hope to endure both our relationship and our friendship.

You are my best friend. You've always been there when I needed you. I know if I don't have anyone else, I have you in my corner when I feel like the world is against me. You help me to restore my faith in humanity and most importantly, God.

You keep me humble and help me to know that there is more to life than all that appears to glitter and glisten. You have taught me what it means to make plans, have goals, to build, to give back and care for the community. You have taught and shown me how to really and truly make sacrifices. I thank you for all of this and more. I also thank you for sticking with me through all of my MANY ((LOL)) rough patches and showing me/teaching me how to have patience.

You have taught and shown me what hard work really consists of. But I have also had the wonderful opportunity for you to show me how hard work really does pay off ((at least it does eventually LBS)).

I love you, appreciate you, and am gratfeul to have you as my life long partner during this adventure of live that I have yet to face because of all the reasons I previously mentioned, all of the reasons I will mention in the future, and for all of the reasons that won't be expressed. My teacher once told me, "where your treasure is, is where the heart will be". And both my treasure and heart lay in you Jonthan Dowdy.

I know sometimes I can be a handful, but you accept me and love me, flaws, problems, complications, and all. How blessed I am to have such a wonderful person just in my life. And everything that I mentioned is so very special and unique, because not only do I feel this way for you, but you feel the same as I do. And how do I know this? Because you show me in your words that you speak to me everyday and in your actions that you display to me constantly. This love is so special and rare because it's reciporal. Derwin told Melanie that you know when you know when you really and truly love someone and know that that person is the one, because you just do. You are my Derwin ((well without the cheating drama and babies on the side...THANK GOD! LBS)), my knight in shining armor. I thank God for bringing you to me because I was so lost without you.

All of this to say, I love you Jonathan. With all of my heart and very being. And I wouldn't have it any other way. I look foward to this journey of life with you as my partner, through sickeness and heath, richer and poorer, and til death do us part. You are truly my soulmate and my one in a million. I love you.

"Aint No Mountain High Enough Babbbyyy...."

"Listen, baby. Ain't no mountain high, ain't no vally low, ain't no river wide enough, baby. If you need me, call me...No matter where you are, no matter how far, just call my name I'll be there in a hurry. You don't have to worry cause baby...There ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough, ain't no river wide enough to keep me from getting to you."

And this is how I feel about my family. Esp my younger siblings. I am the oldest of 5, I have two younger brothers, James ((20)), Crisitan ((7)), and two younger sisters, Kishelle ((17)), and Kenae ((10)). I love all of my younger siblings. And if they ever need me for anything, no matter what it is, they know they can call me up and ask me and Imma break my neck to try to get it. I SUPER♥ them!

Now dont get me wrong, they WRECK MY NERVES SOMETHING SERIOUS! LBS ((Laughing But Serious)) but I wouldnt trade them from the wrong. James is my smoking gun, Kishelle is my chocolate drop, Kenae is my baby model, and Crisitan is my stanka man! Although times get rough, and we get into it, and we argue and fight, there are no other people I would rather be a big sister to. I take my job as their role model very seriously. I try my best to make them proud. Everytime I think about giving up on something, or just relaxing a little on some work, or not going to work, I think about how they need me and look up to me, and how they expect so much from me, so I keep pushing. Senior year is OD hard. Much harder than I imagined it to be...and sometimes I want to give up so bad, or slack off, but I think about how proud and excited my brothers and sisters will be when they come up here in May for that good ole graduation. And how by me pushing through the pain, encourages them to do the same. I want them to look at me, and be able to say and/or think, "Kenese did it, so I know I can." And believe me, James, Kishelle, Kenae and Cristian, you can! You guys can do anything that you put your mind to and trust and believe your big sister will always be by your side, encouraging and helping you to make it through. I love you guys....ALL of you!

"Fish Dont Fry In Da Kitchen...."

I recently had a conversation at work with my manangers and other co-workers about love and relationships etc, etc, clearly.....there was so much to the conversation that it will be split into two parts. This first part would be on the way to a man's heart.

Now one of my co-workers, named Aisha, is 32, and happily married with two sons ((by her husband)). And as she was leaving, she was telling me and my other co-workers what she was going to cook for her husbands and boys the following day, which happened to be a thursday. My manager was like, "you doing all of that on a weekday". And Aisha replied, "why yes. That's the real way to a man's heart, thru his stomach." And now I have to disagree.

I am happily engaged and soon to be married and I don't cook. Sure I know how to do simple things, like tacos, hamburgers, and skillet dinners, but not turkey, chicken, mashed potatoes, cornbread....real "soul food, sunday dinner type ish". So does that mean that Jonathan doesnt really love me because I dont know how to throw down in the kitchen? And I expressed to Aisha and my managers that I am just to busy to cook. LSAT, school, doin homework, studying, actually working for them ((lol)) and being in a relationship ((because that takes works too, but that's another blog for another day lol)). I make simple things that can be whipped up real fast, in like 20 minutes or less. And with the career path that I have chosen to follow, my crazy life will be bumped up to hetic! And I dont see where learning how to cook and do all that other house-wife type ish will fit in!

I believe that saying still may have some value to it, but it is more old fashioned than anything. That was during those days when women were expected to take care of the children, the house, and cook and clean all day. Not to say that there is anything wrong with being a house wife because I dont want to offend anyone, but times have changed very much since those days. Women want careers just like men do. Women aim and strive to be doctors, nurses, presidents and CEOs of companies, real estate agents, and lawyers! And men want women who are just as driven, focused, and ambitious as they are. Jonathan is not with me because of what I can do in the kitchen, nor in the bedroom, but because we can build a foundation together to make a better future for the both of us. The majority of men know their own way around the kitchen now a days! They arent strangers to the skillet! lol

I know it may be nice to come home to a nice cooked dinner and massage and hot bath, but to tell the truth, most days Jonathan may make it home before me. And some days he may not. We will deal with it when we get there. So the question still remains, "to learn to cook or not?". And for the moment, I would have to say to not. Not at least until the children get here, and than, with the combined income of me and Jonathan, we can always hire someone to cook for us ;)

They Need A Hero....

"They looking for..... a hero....I guess that makes me.... a hero"

My hero is my father! Why yes, I am and will forver be Daddy's Little Girl! I love my Daddy!

He is my everything and my all. Although he is remarried and doesnt live with my mom and us anymore, he has still always be there for both me and my siblings whenever we needed him. I can talk to my Dad about anything and everything and I do. He has such a calming soul and demeanor. When my Dad gives advice, I listen and take it to heart, because I know that he has my best interest at heart, and that when he speaks he doesnt judge.

When I take a male to meet my father, I look for his opinion. He knows how to tell if someone really loves me or just using me. My father loves Jonathan and approves of him. And that makes my heart smile. I love sitting back and just watching those two laugh, talk, and joke. They go play basketball together, but I dont do sports so they do that without me! lol

Some girls look for a "hero" in the males that they choose to date or get involved with. No me. I have a hero in my father. So when I look for a male to get involved, I look for similiar characteristics that they need to have that my father has. They have to be loyal, understanding, open minded, willingly to communicate and work things out, not judgemental and just have unconditional love for me!

I know no one will ever love me like my Dad does, but there is some close competition! Family means alot to me, both sides. And although my Mom does for me also, and she drives me ccccrrrraaaazzzzzyyyy ((seriously, you dont know the half of it! smh :o)) I still love her with my very being, BUT I am a Daddy's Girl to the fullest. I love my Dad and although I love Jonathan dearly, my father is the main man that is the true love of my life. I dont know where I would be or the woman that I would have developed into if he wasn't in my life. The thought of him not being there is scary and Im glad I never have had to experience that feeling. I love you Dad!

"Words can't express my boundless gratitude for you

I appreciate what you do

You've given me such security

No matter what mistakes I know you're there for me

You cure my disappointments and you heal my pain

You understand my fears and you protected me

Treasure every extraordinary memory and that's why…

I want my unborn son to be like my daddy

I want my husband to be like my daddy

There is no one else like my daddy

And I thank you for loving me

Even if my man broke my heart today

No matter how much pain I'm in I will be okay

Cause I got a man in my life that can't be replaced

For this love is unconditional it won't go away

I know I'm lucky

Know it ain't easy

For men who take care of their responsibilities

Love is overwhelming
Lord why did you pick me

Can't stop my tears from falling

I love you so much daddy"

Turn Your Stupid WAAAYYY DDDOOWWNNN...

An old friend used to tell me all the time that common sense aint so common now a days...and boy was she right!

The girls these days are sooooo utterly dumb that it makes me gag and throw up in my mouth! Jeez! You have been dealing with the SAME person for ALL this time and during all this time there has been NO SIGNS OF CHANGE! Yet and still, you try to "work things" out anyways.

YOU CANT WORK OUT STUPIDITY!

At first, watching this vast display of ignorance was funny, now its just distrubing! I worry about our future! These females will be mothers one day! Lord I pray they dont pass their stupidity down!

You are not in love and he doesnt love you! And he has been showing you this from the VERY BEGINNING! HE HASNT CHANGED! What you are doing is wallowing in density! How could one person contain so much dumbness, I do not know!

JUST STOP PLEASE!

I WANT TO SCREAM!

STOP FALLING FOR ALL THE BULLSHIT AND LIES!

Love yourself enough to know when someone else really and truly loves you and wants to be with just you!

A good male friend once told me that if a man really wants a woman, he WONT PLAY NO GAMES WITH HER! And that's the way its suppose to be! There wont be other individuals involved, and he wont let other factors dedicate ya'll personal relationship! If all of that is still going on than maybe he is not mature enough to be in a relationship right now. Realize that and let it go!

Jeezzzzzzz.......There are good men left out there, but you have to turn your stupid and goofy down to find them! Ugh!

Im disgusisted! Im going to bed!

I Think I Love Her...I KNOW I Love Her!!!!

"Whenever I'm down, I call on you my friend, a helping hand you lend, in my time of need. So I'm, I'm calling you now. Just to make it through, what else can I do? Don't you hear my plea? Cause friends may come and friends may go. But you should know that, I have your back, it's automatic. So call me when you need a friend, cause I'm your sister. And always for ya and I....don't know where I ever be without you, from the beginning to the end. You've always been here right beside me, so I'll call you my best friend. Through the good times and the bad ones, whether I lose or if I win. I know one thing that never changes and that's you as my best friend"

I dont really bang with alot of females like that. So with that being said, I may have a few females that I call friends but not really. I tend to use the term "friends" loosely. But this pass summer and year, I have come to find out who my REAL friends are. And the list is mighty short.

This pass summer and year I have had lost "friends" for numerous reasons. Boys being one, someone lying on me ((UGH! IF YOU WERE REALLY MY FRIEND THAN YOU WOULD KNOW ME AND BE ABLE TO TELL WHEN SOMEONE IS NOT SPEAKING THE TRUTH ABOUT ME....UGH! ANYWAYS....)), for them lying, for her not being there when I needed her to be...the bottom line, there is always one person that I know I will ALWAYS be able to count on being ther for ((well besides my family and Jonathan lol)) and that is Pavielle Danae Randolph.

We have been best friends since 1999. That's a long time right?! I KNOW! We have been best friends since like the 6th, trrruuueeee story! And I love this girl like OD! She has been there with me through EVERYTHING! She has seen me at my very best and at my very worst!There are some things that ONLY SHE knows and I know that she will take that ish to the GRAVE with her if I ask her to! I can never disown her, she knows waaayyy too much! Everytime I needed her, she has never hesitated to be there. She has surpassed the friendship level, and I now consider her a sister. If she needs a kindey, liver, or lung, she knows Im in the hosptial signing my organs away for her! Yep, it's that deep!

Good friends are very hard to come by in this lifetime. And if you have a special one, who accepts you flaws and all, willingly to put up with your BS ((like they are your spouse NO HOMO lol)) and still be there through thick and thin at the drop of a dime, you better keep em! Cause you aren't going to find too many more like that in this lifetime! I have found my true friend/sister/soul sister for this lifetime and I dont need another. Sorry that position in my life is taken, get to the back of the line and fill out another application for another position cause she got this ish on lock! lol

With all that being said, I just want her to know that I love her dearly! Although I may act like a selfish, controlling brat, that's just the way I am, but she knows it and I love her!!! That's my "baby love, my baby love, I need ya, oh how I need ya love" lol ((MAJOR INNY))

Yep, that's my best friend and I'm proud to have her by my side!

"You are my best friend. You been right there through thick and thin. You are my best friend. Gotten me through places I been. You are my best friend. Through our situations, you've been an inspiration. My best friend, you're still here, and I love you"

The Glass Ceiling

Definition:
An invisible upper limit in corporations and other organizations, above which it is difficult or impossible for women and/or minorities to rise in the ranks.
It is glass because it's not usually a visible barrier, and a woman may not be aware of its existence until she "hits" the barrier. In other words, it's not an explicit practice. The term was popularized in the 1980s.
I have never worked so hard in my life than I am currently right now. I'm working like a Hebrew slave now, so that I can enjoy the fruits of this labor later. Of course I go to school full time, which is hard in and of itself since I am a senior, and Im pre-law, so I have to focus on passing these classes and study for the LSAT. Oh and by the way, the LSAT is THE hardest grad school admissions test there is. Harder than any entrance exam to get into any medical school or any other grad school for that matter. Yeah, Im def aiming to crack that glass ceiling.
Sometimes I feel like I have all these invisible barriers working against me. As soon as I crack one ceiling, there is another one there. Being an African-American woman graduting from a HBCU, even if it is one of the TOP schools in the country, people will still question if I am qualified for a position even though I am able to look at the decription of the job and see that I may be OVER qualified! But I am working hard, getting things done!
On top of staying focused on my classes, and preparing for the LSAT, I also work about 30 hours a week! Yes I am grinding! I am working so many hours, to save money now, for plans that I have post gradution, dont worry, I will enlighten you guys with those plans later on down the line ;). So you can only IMAGINE how tired I am and be some days! I be exhausted! But I know it will all pay off in the end. Besides, I am no stranger to hard work, so I welcome it and the challanges that come with the territory. These are all problems that driven, African American women encounter when trying to crack and shatter that glass ceiling. So although at time I feel like I may be alone, I know really Im not. I have God by my side and support from Jonathan and friends and family and I know that they are hundreds, maybe thousands of women who are not only leaving a trail for me to follow, but who are also walking along side me and I cant wait to meet them!
First stop, Howard Univeristy graduation, second stop law school graduation, after that, the possibilite are endless, and the sky will be the limit because I cant let a silly glass ceiling stop me! I have to break ALL barriers!
I can see the end at the beginning, so Im not racing, Im just spriting.

Selective Realities....

My dad tells me all the time that people show you who you are in the beginning, its up to you to accept their ways or not. If you stick around in the relationship after they have showed you "themselves" than it is safe to assume that you accept their ways. And I agree with his theory whole-heartedly. Whether it be a romantic relationship or a friendship, a person will show you their ways in the beginning. And you can decide to respond to that situation accordingly by nipping that problem in the bud and cutting that person off and leaving them alone or you can be in denial and act like you didn't see the signs in the beginning, which is what I like to call a selective reality
For example, if you have a friend that borrows money all the time, no matter the amount, and never pays it back he/she has shown you them! Now you can decide to still be friends with that person and just not let them borrow money or you can end the friendship because this will cause a future problem, its really up to you. You see the problem and you can ignore it or respond accordinglying.
Same thing goes with a romantic relationship. A man or woman will show you who he/she is in the beginning and I will give an example for both a male and a female.
If a female doesn't take care of her children and is clubbing all the time, and you MET her in a club don't get mad when you have a baby by her and deem her an unfit parent! If the first time you came over to her crib and it wasn't clean and she didn't have no food in the kitchen, don't get mad and say that she is a messy board and that she doesn't take care of her business inside of the home. You already knew! Yet you still continue that relationship which mean you decided to have a selective reality and chose to stay with that person anyway despite her showing her flaws in the beginning.
Same thing goes for males. If you catch a male lying and cheating and not showing any signs of getting a job and getting his life together within the first couple months that you are seeing him, he is not going to change! A leopard doesn't change his spots! Which means that a person is not going to change anytime soon if they haven't changed by now. You knew he was a lying, cheating dog in the beginning of the relationship so don't be suprised when months or even years later he is still a lying, cheating dog. He showed you who he was but you decided to stay anyway. You chose your selective relaity. You stayed despsite that man showing you his flaws.
Now don't get me wrong. Some people do change, but very rarely. You can't change a person, that type of change has to come from within. A person can want to change for you but they still have to do it themselves. So don't be surprised or disappointed when a person ends the same way they started. They showed you who they were. You can decide to respond to them accordingly or take the option of being in a selective reality...which in other words is denial The choice is up to you!

"Tell Me Another Lie"......

Dont you hate it when people lie? Uuuggghhhh! That really gets under my skin, esp when I KNOW FOR A FACT that he/she is lying! What's the point in that? As my Godiva Baby say, "what's your angle?"

Why lie? Because YOU dont know how to handle the truth? Because the lie sounds better than the truth? Because you want the lie to be your truth? For amusement? To get out of a jam? Cuz you honestly dont know the truth? Or simply because you werent aware that the lie was a lie, and you were lead to believe that the lie was the truth?

Either way, I hate it when people lie! Why? Because the truth always comes out in the end! Just be real and up front from the very beginning. Trust me, I will respect you more for being 100% with me and Im sure alot of people feel this way!

I hate when females brag on their relationship when EVERYONE knows the TRUTH! Dont get me wrong, you can brag if you feel like you have every reason to! Meaning that your man is ONLY YOUR man, you dont share him with anyone else ((at least to YOUR knowlege you dont), he has some type of LEGAL income, and he takes care of you and treats you like the queen you deserved to be treated like. Dont brag on how good of a man you have, or how much you love your man and you ride or die for him when you KNOW that he dips and daps with other females! That's not bragging! That's broadcasting your stupdity! Don't brag that your man takes care of you when he doesnt have a job! Dont do that!

I hate when people brag and say they got money and they got their "own". STOP STUNTTIN! I KNOW YOU! You still live with your mother, in your same room that you have been living in since you were in like the 6th grade! As for the getting money part...lol...please! If you are really getting money you won't have to splash it all over myspace and facebook, taking stunna pictures and making stats about how you getting money....if you are really getting money, it will show!

And here's my fav top lie/thing to stunt about.....going back to school. That is NOT something to stunt! First off, that is something that you should have done in the FIRST PLACE! It is good that you are going back to school but DO NOT brag and stunt on facebook and myspace and put OTHER people down cuz they arent in school when you are at a COMMUNITY COLLEGE OR A TRADE SCHOOL! You are only ONE step above/ahead of them! Last week, YOU were in THEIR shoes! So stop! If you want the bragging rights and the right to stunt on somebody, go to a real college or four year university RIGHT after high school like you were suppose to, without the pit stops! Than you can brag, until than, continue to do your thing, and grind!

Although this is rather irritating at times, it is amusing and funny. And it's so funny because I KNOW THE TRUTH! I know that your man aint no good, hell EVERYONE DOES including YOU! I know that you still live at your mother's/grandmother's house or somewhere that you have a ROOM and dont pay ANY BILLS OR RENT! I know that you work a min wage paying job and that you live check to check! I know that you are going to somebody's "program" or community college. So stop acting like you are doin some EXTRAordinary when you are only ORDINARY...sorry kid, you're just average. So stop claiming the title of a five star chick when you are only really a one and half star....on your best days!

This Ish Is Sad....

I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF PAYING FOR PAST PEOPLE'S MISTAKES!!!!

I am paying for people's mistakes from my past and I hate it!

I am paying for mistakes that my exs made with my current relationship. I have trust issues and other personal issues going on. We are working thru them and I am so very blessed that Jonathan is working WITH me to work out these problems. He is my life long partner and I am so very happy that God brought him to me. He has been very understanding! But I am not! And Im tired! I want to confront my exs but there is no point! They have done what they did, and that is that...I cant turn back the hands of time, all I can do is try to fix the present so that I can have a successful future.

But its not just my exs. There are other people in my life who have done things in the past and I am currently having to deal with that shit now!

Friends and even family members have done things that I have to pay for and attend to now if I want to have any type of bright future. And the shit is pissing me off! These people knew what they were doing before they did it. They knew the shit was wrong. They knew that I was going to have to be the person who dealt with this shit when it hit the fan, AND NOT THEM and they did it any way!!!!! Friends and family my ass! This is what I get for being a kind hearted person and being too damn loyal!

Now I am out to protect myself and my future because it seems that I am the one person who cares about it the most! Which is so very sad. You would think that the people in your life want the very best for you, but I guess I am wrong!

From this point on, I will only being fixing mistakes that I made! And no one else! God I AM SO TIRED FOR PAYING FOR PAST PEOPLE'S MISTAKES!!!

"Dear Lord, protect me from my friends and family because I can handle my enemies. I mean who needs enemies with "friends and family" like mine!

Too Much Loyalty?

I am a mighty Leo...yep, King of the Jungle. And Leos are alot of things. Passionate, intelligent, sexy, stubborn and last but not least loyal. And that's the problem. I think that Leos are TOO DAMN LOYAL!!!

We are loyal to all people that betray us, family members, friends, spouses, coworkers, etc, etc. Loyalty can be a good thing but is there such a thing as too much loyalty?

And because these people who know us, know that we are loyal creatures, sometimes take our loyalty for granted. For example, a friend may continue to play on your feelings, stand you up, borrow money and dont return it, and is never there when you really need them to be, but yet and still, because you consider them a friend, you remain their friend, and your friend knows this. But this is something that you have to realize, you dont just become my friend because we work together, or went to school together, or have a common friend...oh no. We are friends because we have went through something and we have bonded on another level. So for the beginning of the relationship, it is alllll good. But than, things start to happen and the frienship slowly gets sour. And of course you want to cut this friend off, but you remember the good times, and you dont.

I am trying to break out of that habit. Just because we were friends once before does not mean I have to continue to be your friend. I broke this loyalty bond with my ex and now I am breaking it with friends and maybe even some family members. If they were really friends like they claim, or loved me like they claimed, they wouldnt stress and test my loyalty anyways!

Yes, us Leos tend to be loyal.... A LITTLE TOO DAMN LOYAL! But that buck stops here! Is there a such thing as too much loyalty? YES, THERE IS! And we all know that too much of a good thing is bad for you in the end.

Part Of the List....

"Our quiet time....your beautiful mind....They're a part of the list, of things that I miss.Things like your funny little laugh,the way you smile or the way we kiss.What I noticed is this:I come up with something new, every single time that I sit and reminisce..."

TRUE LIFE: I AM IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP....and sometimes it gets hard, so very hard. I be feeling like Ne-Yo in the song above, I will just sit for a period of time and just think and reminisce of all the good and bad times that we've been through. And I remember and yearn for his kiss, touch, his smile, the sparkle in this eyes when he look at me, his laugh...HIS EVERYTHING! I just miss him sooo much.

The only thing that keeps me going strong is that I KNOW in the end that Jonathan will be worth EVERY second of this slow form of toture that I feel like Im enduring at this time. I count down all the time when I will be able to get to see him again, talk to him again, feel his touch again, and of course, there's a count day to graduation ((8 months to go))!

This long distance is very difficult but I also feel like it is helping us grow and bond on a level that most couples dont experience. We have a very strong physical bond ((lol)) but this distance is making our communication and spiritual bond stronger. We pray together and ask God for guiadance and strength in our relationship because we cant do this without His help and that all things are only able through Him. Of course our communication gets stronger and deeper because that is all we have right now. All we can do is talk and text because are not able to see each other.

And of course we have problems like every other regular couple, but we talk about it with each other and than we come to a conclusion together. We feel like sometimes that this a test but we are overly confident that we will pass each and every thing that comes our way. We may struggle with it at first, I cant lie, we do struggle, but we struggle together. And that's why I feel like our bond is strong, because we are both from humble beginnings and we are struggling together to build this rock solid foundation. I feel that this next 8 months will bring alot of things our way but at the end, on May 8th when I walk across that stage and receive my degree from Howard University, he will be there and on the 10th we will be getting on a plane together and going back to Chicago together, hand in hand. But until than, all I can is reminisice.....

"I dreamed you now every night in my mind is where we meet and when I'm awake staring at pictures of you asleep.Touching your face,invading you space....They're a part of the list of things that I miss. Things like your funny little laugh, the way you smile or the way we kiss. What I noticed is this:I come up with something new, every single time that I sit and reminisce...."

My Inspiration

Someone asked me at work earlier this week what I was in school for. That's not unsual, I get that question all the time. So as usual I answered that I was pre-law. And of course the follow up question was what type of lawyer did I want to be. And of course I answered a criminal justice defense attorney. But than I was asked why that type of lawyer. There usually aren't any questions after the second one. And that made me think...
I've always wanted to be a lawyer, just the type of lawyer has changed. Since I've been about five years old I have always been interested in the law and the police and the way things work. And for the longest I've wanted to be a prosecutor. I wanted to help put the "bad guys" away. It wasn't until recently that I switched the type of lawyer that I want to be from a prosecutor to a defense attorney. And the question is why? And the answer is because ......my brother.
I have a brother that is a year younger than me, so that means he's 20 for all those that read my blog and don't know how old I am. And we have the same mother and father. Grew up in the same household. And somehow he lost his way a little. Around his junior year in high school he got into the streets and started gang banging and selling drugs. At this time I was on my way to college and my younger sister who is 17 now was the valedictorian of her 8th grade class. Where he got this thrill or need to be in the streets no one knew and no one knew where it came from. But long story short, he got arrested and got back on track. It took him a while but he did it, and I'm so happy and proud of him. Right now he is a freshmen majoring in Accounting at Alcorn State University in Mississippi.
And looking back and probing deep now, I realize that he is the reson I changed my mind. Because I know that every young man standing on the corner wasn't born a criminal and that he isn't necessarily a menace to society like the news and the media and the society itself wants you to think. Sometimes there are just some ppl who lose their way for a while, but they find their way back to that straight path. So I guess you can say my brother is my inspiration. And I'm glad that he is. I'm so proud of you lil bruh. You make me proud to be your big sister. I love you James! :)

We're At The Top...The Bottom is TOO Crowded...

I attend the great Howard University, located in Washington, DC....only one of the top HBCU's in the nation....ONLY!!!! lol

Now I can not lie....Howard has it's PROBLEMS....AND ALOT OF THEM! But I realize that I wouldnt give it up for anything. Im glad that I was {forced} lol to come here. I have learned so much here, both in and out of the classroom. It has helped to shape the person that I am today. It has taught me growth.

Howard has shown me how the real world operates. It has shaped me to know how to manuever, learn, and work the system in the corporate world. It has shown me that time waits on no one, and that you know what you have to do, so just do, or else you will have problems. So I guess with that being said, Howard doesnt really have all the problems, I contribute some also.

I get mad that the people in the fin aid department are NOT very friendly and that people often times give you the run around! Ugh! But either way, it's still all good.

There are many people who applied to Howard and did not get in...I am so glad that I am not one of those people. Howard is a great place to be and I wouldnt trade it for any other college. And I feel that I can say that now, in my senior year ((CLASS OF 2010 STAND UP! LOL)) because I've been here the whole four years at HU. And I've dealt with their BS every semester of every year. And even tho I am ready to go, I will miss it. I will miss the caring teachers, the ((sometimes)) helpful advisors, the fasion show that we call the yard, the over the top organizations...the end of the sem when it seems like everyone is in the library trying to study for the hardest class that sem, and most importantly the friends that I've made throughout my entire college career at Howard.

I've met many individuals who I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, will become very successful in this lifetime. And who will go on to become leaders for the global community. I mean, after all, Howard Univeristy does produce the greatest of all time ;)

So even with all of it's flaws and problems, Howard is still a great academic foundaton for one's future. I mean, we are at the top, because the bottom's too crowded....like Mr. West himself said, "you can ask big homie, man the time is so lonely"....and it is. Welcome to the best of the elite....Howard Univerisity :)

An Ode To My Chocolate Drop

She is the only chocolate that I love more than my Godiva Baby ((Jonathan))....it's my younger sister's Kishelle, who ever knows as Huda! She's 17 years right now and I love her dearly....but trust me, when she was younger, we had problems! When I was in high school, she was in middle school and she was a little trick! She used to tell on every damn thing! No, really! Everything I did she told my mama! When I did stuff in school, she told, I did stuff at home, she told!!!! But she's cool now. We have an understanding. A code....siblings stick together against the parents! lol...Now that we are older, and we are closer, I honestly dont know what I would do without her. She is one of my very best friends. There isnt anything that we cant discuss. She is always there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on or it's time to strap up to go to combat and fight! And I will be there, no I am there, whenever she needs me for whatever reason. She is truly my backbone and support system. I know if I dont have anyone else in the world, that I will have her. She is my one and only and I would die for her if need be. If she ever needs a lung, kidney, anything, she knows she can call me up and Im there, on my way ASAP, dropping whatever Im doing. Even tho we got off to a rocky start in the beginning, our relationship developed and blossemed into a beautiful thing and I wouldnt change a thing about her! I SUPER♥ my chocolate drop. I really and truly dont know where I would be today without her. Love you babes!

She Aint No DIVA! ((No...She's Really NOT!))

I write on things that I see happening around me or things that I feel. And as of lately, I keep seeing females claiming to be either, "5 Star Bitches", "Divas", or dare I say it, "Bosses" or "Boss Bitches"....lmao....Didn't you just crack up just reading just that small part? I know I did!

Imma break this down because each title needs its own section.....

First there's the "5 Star Bitches"

First off, I feel like if you are 18 and over, or under 18 and have children, or you just have children period, you no longer should refer to yourself as a ''bitch"...you now have a little person looking up to you for guidance. You are somebody's role model ((hoepfully))...don't you want to make a good example for your children of how they should be or act? What to accept from someone else and what not to accept? I mean if you call yourself a bitch, and your man/boyfriend/husband calls you a bitch, you are telling your son that it is okay to call women bitches or your daughter that is okay to allow a man to disrespect her and call her a bitch. Children are like little sponges, they soak up everything they hear, see, and feel. And they feel like if it's okay for this to happen because it happens in my house, than it's okay for it to happen on the street....WRONG! Nip stuff like that in the bud now....set examples in your household...and dont call yourself or allow anyone else to call you a bitch....got it? Good! And let's be real, the majority of these females that are calling themselves "5 Star Bitches" are really closer to 1 or 2 on the scale! Helllo!....moving on....lol

Second, there's the "Diva"

According to dictionary.com, a diva is, "a distinguished female singer; prima donna." This term was invented and established in the 1880s. Alright now, I dont know why Beyonce said that a diva "is a female verision of a hustla"...its sells songs but that is wrong my dear....sorry Beyonce fans....lol....it's an established singer...which Beyonce is....half of these girls that are using the term ARE NOT DIVAS. Get your act together. Oh, you think you are a diva because you "getting money"? Riiiigghhhttt....refer to my very first blog, "So You Getting Money Right"....enough said on that...moving on.....

Third, there are the "Bosses/Boss Bitches"

There are several definitions for boss, but I will use the first defintion when boss is used as a noun and the first definition when it is used as a verb. According to dictionary.com ((state the sources where you get your facts from people lol)), a boss is 1.) "a person who employs or superintends workers; manager". Just by that definition alone....98% of the people who uses the term boss, has been discredited. You claim you are a boss, but you do not own your own company or corporation. You do not employ anyone else, someone employs you, and that's even if YOU have a job to begin with. You don't superintend or manage your workers, because you don't have any! The first definition of boss when used as a verb, according to dictionary. com is, "to be master of or over; manage; direct; control.". Again, you can't do any of these things unless you employ other people, which you don't! The only boss you can be, is that over your children and maybe younger siblings, if you have any...other than that, you aint bossin a damn thing!

Now let's recap....if you are 18 or over or have children, the word bitch should be removed from your vocabulary, for your children's sake and because you are too damn old to be calling yourself a bitch! Grow up! A diva is a singer, not the female verision of a hustler, sorry! And a boss is someone who manages his/her employees....you are not a boss if you do not have a job and if at your job, you a peon ((at the beginning stages))....

I dont mean to burst anybody's bubble....ok, I do....but I just want this to be a wake up call, for people to grow up and take care of their business and this applys to everyone....college students, young parents, old parents, anyone who uses these phrases uncorrectly....call it like it is....You wanna be something? Try being a responsible adult or a positive role model, in your children's life and in everyone else's...

"What you say? SHE AINT NO DIVA?!" Well, she ain't.......

I Finally Found My Sock....

There's a theory that every person is born with one sock, and you find your matching sock when you find your soulmate/the person you are suppose to spend the rest of your life with...and I def found my sock ya'll!!! Jonathan Dowdy is everything that I could ever want in a man...he makes dreams come true that I never knew I had. He makes me want to be a better individual and a better woman for both me and him. I love him sooooo much. I never knew that I could feel like this....I feel like...I was hopeless....was about to give up on love and he gave me a second chance at that. He gave me an opportunity to see what a real man was and what real love was. Tears are coming to my eyes as a write this blog, because that's how much emotion and passion I have for him. I never see this love nor passion that I have for him fading...in fact, it grows deeper and more profound every day...even with us apart...me in Washington, DC for school and him back at home in Chicago.

Whheeewwwww....I am just speechless, over edge and just breatheless, I never thought I would catch this....catch what you ask? This LOVEBUG ya'll. He is the last person I think of, the last face I see before I close my eyes and drift off to sleep and he is the first person and first face that comes to my mind when I open my eyes. I can close my eyes and just envision him in front of me. I can see his face and all the details of it....I can see his arm and his muscls and his veins, his legs, his stomach, his thighs, **Oscar ((inny))** lol....I can just see him....

Whewww....and now the tears are falling...but they are tears of joy! I cried my first tears of joy with him and I want to cry my last tears of joy with him...I want to grow old with him, and sit on the front porch of our house in Memphis ((that's where he wants to retire to, so I will with him....dont tell him just yet tho ya'll lol))...and just feel the wind on our faces as we sit back and take strolls down memory lane together. I am confident that we have that Ally and Noah love from the Notebook ((and if you havent seen it, you must! It's def a classic!))...only we didnt have to lose each other to realize how deep our love is....we always knew because we felt it in the bottom of our hearts when we gave each other our last first kiss.

I love you Jonathan Dowdy....til a day pass forever and I truly hope forever never comes for us!!!

Tis Was The Best....Better Than ALL The Rest!

This past summer...which was summer of 2009 was the best summer that I've experienced in....forever it seems! LOL....There were def those hard moments, esp with my mom and my friends, but everything worked out for the best. I def learned some lessons this summer. Although I didnt hang with my friends as much as I usually do, I did learn who my real friends were and who were really down for me! I eliminated alot of "friends" but I kept the real ones, so I didnt feel like I lost anything at all.

I also found the love of my life! Yaaayyyy!!! Jonathan Dowdy came into my life out of nowhere...well not out of nowhere, I went to high school with him, so I've known him for about eight years now....lol....but I would have never thought that we would end up dating and him being my future husband. He taught me alot this summer as well. He taught me to be patient, not to sweat the small stuff and most importantly what true and real love is. I dont know what I was doing before him, because this love is sooo real that I KNOW those other dudes in the past HAD TO BE FAKE!!!
He is the flame to the candle that sets my soul on fire. I cant picture my life without him and I honestly just dont want to! He means the world to me...but all of my love for him is for another blog....lol....but he was def one of the best, if not THE best part of my summer....him coming into my life....

I also became more "spiritual" in a sense. I didnt go to church as much as I would have liked but I did develop a better relationship with God, with Jonathan's encouragement and I am so glad I did. I learned to talk to God and to look to him for guidance. I learned not to pray for a lighter load but for a stronger back for God wouldnt put too much on me that I wouldnt be able to bear. The sin is not in getting weary, but in giving up. And I am chugging forward through this struggle that is my life with the help of God. Everything happens for a reason, and I've learned not to question that. He is there right when you need Him....He doesnt come when YOU want Him to, but He comes RIGHT ON TIME!

I also did an internship and I worked....which is a biggie for me because I have been coming home every summer for all of my college career and this is the first time I've had a job, and than I had an internship on top of that! Go figure! lol...I gets busy right before senior year!

Anywhooo....there were some laughs, some tears, and most importantly some GROWTH! This was def the best summer I've ever had, better than all the rest! It was so necessary in my life and it came at the perfect time...I would like to thank all of those who made it a *perfect* summer...no need to name names because they were there and they know who they are :)

So You Getting Money Right....

I hate to see people's stats on facebook or myspace claiming that they are getting money simply because they keep their hair done, nails done and some gym shoes. That is not getting money! That is called living check to check! And that's even if they have a job, because most times, it's their parents or grandparents that is funding their appearance. So you think you gettin gmoney right? Plllleeeaassseeee....try going to somebody's four year college, buying books and paying for housing...can you do all that? If not, you arent getting money shorty!
Im so sick of seeing people living these ghetto fab lives and they think they got it like that....you dont! You are living a simple life....you arent doing anything! You sit on your ass and collect a check for you kids...or you get money from your parents....and I havent left out the ones who think they are all good because they have a job and they pay their own bills and they got their own apartment. Sweetie please, you live in low income or section 8....your rent is less than $300 a month...and you work at a department store....lol....but I applaud you for trying....just try harder....strive for more....for yourself and for your kids (cuz I know you got one or two lol)...
And please dont get me started on these "half-ass" ballers! You know what Im talking about...the ones that have the nice cars sitting on dubs, but everytime you get in their car, the tank is always damn near at E...it's never on full....and they expect you to pay them some gas money for them coming to get you....lol....or they have unlimited everything, but they have a boost....or they stay real fresh to death...nice shoes, nice clothes, nice jewlrey but they live with their mama and it's their babymama that is paying for all those nice things that attracted the hoodrats to the male in the first place....
People, people...we need to get it together and grow up!
"They say they getting money because they got 26 inch rims on their cars, but Im the one taking trips to Africa"
sooooo the next stop you shout you getting money, sit back and think....are you really?!