Day 3-They Tried To Make Me Go to Rehabbbbbb

lol....
No one really tried to make me go to rehab, but than again, I have no reason to go to rehab.
Day 3 is my views on drugs and alcohol.
((Check my previous blogs if you want to know why I am going by days for these blogs.))
I don't really know what my view on drugs and alcohol is. I don't use either of them but that's for my own personal reasons.
Drinking burns my chest and smoking burns my nose.
I have a really low tolerance for pain. So I don't partake in those activities because they cause me discomfort.
However I do have friends, some are even close, that do drink and smoke.
That's their thing.
I don't judge.
I don't stop being their friend.
I just don't do it.
So I guess my view would be, if that's what you do, that's fine...but if not, that's fine also.

Day 2-Ten Yrs Down The Road?!

I know it's quite a large gap in between day 2 and day 1 lol but I have been realllllyyy busy! I have been working a lot!
I work for this non-profit organization Housing Opportunities for Women that helps break the cycle of homelessness among women and families. We have women in our title but we help men also. And it's just been really hectic there but it is expected to be calm down by next week sometime. So maybe next week I wont be getting off works so late and I wont be too tired to do anything but go to bed when I make it here! lol
And although my job wears me out, I cannot lie I love my job and I love my co-workers.
Now that that's out of the way.....on to Day 2 topic....where I see myself in ten years


Hmmm in ten years....I plan to be a lawyer by the time. Should have a child or two and happily married with Jonathan and working on continuing my career and building my family a strong foundation.
At least that's MY plan. God may have other plans. And I'm quite ok with that.

At the very least, in ten years I wish to be just if not more blessed than I am currently. In my career field and still building a wonderful future to retire when I get old and senile with Jonathan. Yeah, that sounds about right :)

Day 1!

"Got more than a thing for you, tattoo and the ink for you"

Ummm, for day one I am suppose to discuss my current relationship status....

and Immmm....lol....still w/ my GB....my JXD...yep Jonathan Dowdy. lol...we have made some changes tho and moved some things around. We were planning to get married early on but we changed our mind. We are going to wait some time after law school. And we are also waiting to live together. Although it seems like merely days, we are coming into the home stretch of two years. So we have decided to slow things down a little bit and just enjoy each other's company before jumping the gun on anything. I mean, we do plan on spending the rest of our lives together, so its no biggie. [At least, we PLAN to spend the rest of our life together...hehe]

So that's the update for us for now.

We are just smooth sailing.

We are have minor problems, but really nothing major.

This is the happiest I've been in a long time and I owe a lot of that to Jonathan.

He has my heart, like in a major way.

So I guess I can say....

my current relationship status is: taken and loving every minute of it.

:-)

Always and Forever #TeamDowdy

♥

Oh Leetttsss Doooo IIItttt!!!! LOL

Someone emailed me this...I actually think it was spam because....it was in my spam folder! LOL...But Imma do Imma do it Imma do it! Oooowwwww.....LEGO!!!

day 1 - your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
day 2 - where you’d like to be in 10 years.
day 3 - your views on drugs and alcohol.
day 4 - your views on religion.
day 5 - a time you thought about ending your own life.
day 6 - write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
day 7 - your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
day 8 - a moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
day 9 - how you hope your future will be like.
day 10 - discuss your first love and first kiss.
day 11 - put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
day 12 - bullet your whole day.
day 13 - somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
day 14 - your earliest memory.
day 15 - your favourite tumblrs.
day 16 - your views on mainstream music.
day 17 - your highs and lows of this past year.
day 18 - your beliefs.
day 19 - disrespecting your parents.
day 20 - how important you think education is.
day 21 - one of your favorite shows.
day 22 - how have you changed in the past 2 years?
day 23 - give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.
day 24 - your favourite movie and what it’s about.
day 25 - someone who fascinates you and why.
day 26 - what kind of person attracts you.
day 27 - a problem that you have had.
day 28 - something that you miss.
day 29 - goals for the next 30 days.
day 30 - your highs and lows of this month

You Just...Greedy!!!

“Like it’s my fault that she got on welfare. I told her, we can go half on the Similac and a daycare. But no, she got comfortable at the bottom and wanted to stay there.”

Lyfe took the words right out of my mouth. I couldn’t have said them any better myself. Now I know that there are indeed some single moms who truly do need the assistance from child support. But I also know quite a few mothers who don’t. They (the mothers) are doing fine and some are even more than fine without the assistance of child support. However, these females are still bitter. And as a result, the child’s mother tries and put the child’s father on child support out of spite. There are two things that I have learned when it comes to dealing with spite:

1) Spite is a very hard emotion to contain, which leads to a person trying to (and sometimes succeeding) to take a form of action.
2) 98.9% of things done out of spite, the person who acted out of spite ends up regretting it down the road, rather it be short or long term.

Now I am NOT by any means letting the males off of the hook. If you were man enough to create the baby, be man enough to take care of the baby. Take care of your responsibilities fellas! And don’t stop being a father to your child if/when you stop messing around with the child’s mother. Both parents need to act as adults when it comes down to matters that pertain and affect the child.

But women definitely need to stop acting out of spite when it comes to these children, because the one that gets hurt and affected by it the MOST is the child. Oh, toand a little ps for you ladies that is quick to pull the child support card and then turn around and try pull the “you can’t see your baby card”….nope, nope! You cannot do that ladies. If a man (or woman) is paying child support, that man has visitation rights bound by the law because of the fact that he is paying child support. So when you think you’ve won because you got your “baby daddy” on child support AND you control when he gets to see the child, you’re wrong! You’re out here losing and you are doing your child a disservice and an injustice. And don’t be mad if he turns and take YOU to court because you are denying him rights to see his child. You must remember when playing with fire, to be careful, because someone is bound to get burned, and that someone just may be you.

Old Enough For That But Not This? O_o

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine the other day, and we were discussing men and responsibilities. A mutual friend of ours, who shall remain nameless, put on his fb status that he was looking for a woman, a good woman, not a little girl who could do all this stuff for him. And someone comments on his status and tells him, that he is still young, that he doesn't have to rush to settle down. Ummm excuse me ma'am, he is currently 27 years old, going on 28! He is damn near 30 and you are telling him that he is too young to settle down? So when do you suggest he settle down and become a real man?
What kills me, is that alot of people, are ENABLERS! People are VERY quick to tell someone that they are way too young to be settling down....but wait, they are old enough to have a child tho! What I do not understand, is that these same men who are old enough to be a father, but not enough to be a man, settle down and be in a committed relationship? Soooo he's old enough to be someones father but NOT some one's husband? I do not understand that logic at all!
Your life does not end after you get into a marriage or a committed relationship! In fact, you enjoy life even more because you don't have to deal with the BS people tell you when are you out in the field "dating" or "talking to someone".
I'm def NOT trying to get down or bash anyone who has children at any age, it just slightly annoys me when people enable these men like this!
So if we were to talk the example I opened up with, this man is 27 years old. When you meet someone, you want to spend time at least a year or two with them before you realize that they are the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. So lets say he's 29 now, and the couple is engaged. It takes about 6 months to a year to plan a big, successful wedding, which every woman usually wants. So now he's 30. That's fine. But he wants time with his wife before they start having children. So now he's 33 years old, having his first child. The wife doesn't want the children back to back, so the couple agrees to space the children out by three years, and the husband wants three or four children. So this man is having his fourth child at about 42! That is trying to do alot. Raising a newborn at 42 years old esp if both the husband and wife are still working. I am not saying it cannot be done, because it can. That's just alot!
Most people want to retire around that age, so that they can enjoy time with their children out of the house (by that time). And enjoy time to themselves, travel a little, before they settle down into old age and their body starts going through the middle age changes.
Maybe some people want to live their life like that. I know I don't. I do not still want to be having children into my forties! That is too risky and too much to deal with! I want to be wrapping up to retire at about 48, not having someone under 10 years old still living in my house! Maybe that's just me.
All Im saying, please do not tell a young man that he is old enough to be a father between the ages of 16 and 27, but tell him he is too young to be in a committed relationship, or to be some one's husband! That's ass backwards to me! A child is ALOT more responsibility than being in a relationship with another adult!
If you are old enough for one, you should be enough for both, not just one and not the other!

Best Way To Destroy A Race (In Case You Were Wondering)

"The best way to eliminate a race is to give them the means to destroy themselves". This line came from an infamous African American movie Boys In The Hood. And Lawrence Fishburne was exactly on point when he proclaimed this statement. We, the African American community, are given, or we easily [can] obtain the very things that tear down our very own people in the community, drugs, gangs, guns, sex, STDs, HIV/AIDs, liquor, cigarettes, etc etc. We can't blame any one for tearing down our people but ourselves. We continuously allow the BS to enter our neighborhood, walk right pass it in the streets and either make a smart comment or blame it on the white people for oppressing us. Not enough people are fighting to get out of this oppressed state tho. Mentor a child, help someone out, give back. I will keep this post short and simple, don't be a part of tearing down your race, you're either part of the solution or part of the problem, there is no in between.

Aint Too Proud To Beg...Or Are You?

"Now I heard a crying man, is half a man with NO sense of pride. But if I have to CRY to keep you, I don't mind weeping if it will keep you by my side. Aint too proud to beg..."

But is this always the case? I was recently talking to some friends of mine over lunch and we were discussing the educational gap between African Americans and our white counterparts, esp African Americans males. We discussed how African Americans students struggle throughout their academic career and will get passed along but yet haven't learned anything. Some of this is due to lack of resources that just may not be able to that individual, some of this may be due that there is only one parent in the household, who works a lot to provide for the family, so as a result the time and money that can should be invested in a child isn't, but a large part, that I feel contributes to this problem is the fact that African Americans don't ask for help.
African Americans, esp the males, are taught to be strong, the provider, they cannot be seen as weak. And asking for help, the majority of males feels is a sign of weakness. This problem traces all the way back to the early stages of a male's childhood. For example, if a little boy can't read in the first grade, when the teacher calls on him to read outloud, if he stutters or doesn't know the word, instead of asking for help, the child will either not read because he doesn't want to feel em brassed and have the whole class laughing at him or he will act out so that he won't have to read. Males, subconsciously learn at an early age not to ask for help because of their pride. And they take this attitude with them throughout life, so instead of seeking help for something they can't understand in 6th grade, they struggle and do just enough to pass and never ask for help.
We, in the African American HAVE to do better! We have to teach our children that there are NO stupid questions! Children of other races and colors will ask a teacher a question until that child is blue in the face and a black child can be in that very same classroom and have that same problem and could be struggling just as much as the child asking the question, and the black child will sit therein silence and suffer.
This is NOT good! We have to have the courage to ask for help! NO ONE made it in this world alone! Someone needed help from someone else even if it was only a little help!
A man will be quick to ask and beg a woman for forgiveness (some won't even do that, they will let a good woman walk out of their life because of their pride! Smh) but won't ask a teacher how to solve a problem!
Those of us who make it, have to look back to our community and give back! Each one, teach one. We have to show them that it is ok to not know something, you just have to seek knowledge and ask for help!
As for the resources not being available in our community, well that's a whole other blog topic, oh but its coming soon!

Moral of the story: don't be too proud to ask for help. At one point of time, everyone needs help in this lifetime. No one can make it alone.

Do You Know What Today Is?!?! 0_o

Today, May 13, 2010 marks the one year anniversary for Jonathan and I.

I know one year doesn't seem like alot, but believe me, it was a long time coming. Don't get me wrong, I love Jonathan with all of my heart, that's my lil spoiled baby but it was hard work yall! lol...First off, we weren't like most couples our first year together because our first year was long distance. We spent 9 months of the year away from each other for our first year together. I am so very glad and blessed that we were strong enough to do such a thing. Some couples are together for years but cant be away from each other for that long without breaking up and going their separate ways and Jonathan and I did it our first year.
What Jonathan and I have is something very special and unique. Alot of people look at what we have and often wish they had it. What they don't know is that this takes hard work, we just make it LOOK easy! lol...
We learn and grow with each other every day. We pray and look to God for guidance and we seek wisdom from our elders and people who have been in our position before. I can honestly say that I have grown, developed, matured, and learned much more in this one relationship this year than all of my past relationships together. Jonathan and I push each other to our limit and than push even more.
We force each other out of our comfort zone, because we both know that we cannot live a life in fear. God said fear nothing and so we try our best not to.
One year ago told my life changed for the better and I have been grateful every since. Jonathan is my blessing that just continues to give and give and give and I love him so very much for that. We have one year down, but the rest of our life together to go. Times may get rough but I am not worried at all.
He is more than my lover, he is also my support system, biggest fan and my best friend. And at the end of the day, we both know that nobody loves him more than me and nobody loves me more than him, and no one ever will.
Do you know what today is?
Its me and my GB one year anniversary!!!!

Finally Done!!!

I know I havent wrote in a while, but the stress and heavy load of senior year was a bit much. The grind for me just took a break, not stopped completely, just a break, today! Lol!
It is May 10, 2010. I graduated from the prestigious Howard University on Friday May 7, 2010. Words cannot even begin to express the way my heart felt when my name was called and I walked across that stage. That was one of THE proudest moments of my life. I looked to my right and I saw all my previous teachers and mentors. I looked to my left and I saw some of my close friends who I know I will always remain in contact with, visit, and will invite to other important events in my life such as my wedding, my first baby shower, 30th birthday, etc etc. Most importantly, I looked in front of me and saw my biggest fans/supporters/believers, my family. I saw my aunts screaming my name and snapping pictures, my parents and grandparents with that proud look on my face that said, "my baby did it". I saw my siblings clapping and my cousins standing and yelling for me. And last but not least I saw the love and pride in Jonathan's eyes. I saw all of these things in a matter of ten seconds.
And although I didn't go to the big, end of the year annual graduation party at club Love later that night, and I woke up too late the next morning and missed the university's graduation, seeing that image from the stage on that Friday night meant more to me that weekend than anything that took place and that could ever take place at Howard University. That dwelling was surreal and bittersweet and I will forever have that etched in my memory. Now that I have graduated, it's time for the real world. And I carry some fear but not a lot because with my family, close friends, Jonathan and God by my side, I KNOW that I will be just fine!
Mama I made it!!!!!!

Water Bill Too High???

My pastor once said, "the grass isn't green on the other side, its green where you water it"...and nothing has ever made more sense to me in my life. It means focus on working on your own ish, your own grass instead of focusing on what someone else has....
Let me break down for yall....
You know how people always think that things are better on the other side of the fence? For example, you may look at one couple and feel like they are perfect, they never fight, they live together, you never hear about any arguments they have, he treats her like an angel supposedly, and you want that....you wonder well what would it be like to be over there on the other side of the fence in that perfect relationship? What you fail to realize, is that their grass may look green but you don't know how much their water bill is! Yeah, their relationship may look perfect to you, but you don't know at what costs that it takes for them to appear that way. They could have put years into working things out in their relationship. Maybe that man was a cheating, lying, abusive bastard and that woman left him for several years, and when they got back together when he got his stuff together and knew how to treat her like a real woman. Would you be willingly to go through her struggle of paying that high ass "water bill" to get her perfectly green grass that she seems to have now?
And this could be said about anything. Say you envy that beautiful girl on campus, she has the perfect body and she is flawless and always on point, but what if she puts in mad hours at the gym to get that perfect body and she has perfected the art of hair and make up after several years...are you willingly to take the time to learn that skill?
What I'm trying to say, is that you cant want what other people have unless you are willingly to do what they did to get where they at/what they have. Everything comes at a price, and some people are willingly to pay a higher prices than others, perhaps yourself will.
So the next time you envy what someone else has and you think that their grass is greener on the side, remember to keep in mind their water bill to pay for that green grass. And maybe, if you are willingly to pay, the grass on the other side wont be greener, it will be green where you water your own grass. If you put work into your own grass and not focus on envying someone else, your grass will be greener....remember, "the grass isn't green on the other side, it's green where you water it"....

Too Cute!!!

I dont usually post stuff about celebs, like gossip and all that other ish...but this was waayyyy too cute to pass up! So just watch the video and enjoy because I did.

Oh To Be A Kid Again

I know I have been quite on a hiatus lol...but I have been busy!!! This is the home stretch, only 6 weeks left to graduation and it is grind time baby! Anywhooo, more about that later....

So for my Poetry class I had to write a 30 page anthology. Yeah, I said 30! Yeah, that's alot right! lol....But it wasn't that bad, just very tedious because of the small bs that the teacher required us to do. We had to pick a theme and collect poems that catered to that theme. We had to get the paper bounded and everything, couldn't turn it in stapled. Gotta love this class right ((I'm def being sarcastic))
But anywhoo, the theme I picked was to be a kid again. I picked this theme because too often do we rush to be adults. We want that sense of independence and not having to listen to anyone because "you are grown". But with gaining this independence, you lose your innocence and a freedom from real responbilites. You gain having the options of making your own decisions, but you lose having the option to blame your parents or anyone else for the consequences of your decisions if you don't like the outcome.
You gain being able to have your own things, cell phone, house, etc etc, and you do as you please. But you lose having your parents for those things. I never realized how much toothpaste and tissue actually cost before living on my own and paying my own bills. We take things like that for granted all the time.
And children these days are in a rush to grow up even faster than I was a pre-teen and teenager. They rush to become adults by doing things like having sex, having boyfriends, smoking weed, doing other drugs, and drinking. What's the rush? All of that will be waiting for you when you get older, once you finally get there.
No one ever takes the time and just enjoy their child hood anymore. And it is very sad. I hear stories everyday about how children as young as 11 and 12 are having sex, with older guys of course, and children as young as 14 getting pregnant or having children! They are still merely children themselves and now they have someone else to be responsible for!
Some things you deal with as a child because that's your world. You deal with things such as petty fights with your best friend, who sits next to who on the bus, who is going to be on the end in a game of rope. Save the adult problems like sex, pregnancy, drugs, fist fights, and family issues for the time that is meant for them to be dealt with.
And what's funny is that the same people who rush to grow up and make their own rules, once they reach adulthood and deal with the consequences of their actions and rules, they want to be children again and deal with those carefree problems that went away by the time you woke up for school the next day.
Some things once gone, you can never get back, ever! And your childhood is one of them! So please cherish it while you can!


Over spring break I went home and just spent time with my family. No, I really did spend time with my family. Yeah I was with Jonathan alot, that is expected, but I sat and talked with my younger sisters, helped my younger brother Cristian with his homework, took him to my younger cousin Taylor's birthday party and stayed with him the whole time, I spend time with my god-daughter Zaria, and I talked with my other younger brother James before he went back down south for college ((Alcorn State University in Mississippi)). And I can honestly say between the petty arguments and shout fests, I enjoyed my time home. Me and my chocolate drop ((18 year old sister)) even starting teaching my younger sister Kenae how to turn and jump double dutch ((who's 10)). And that's what she should be doing at 10 & 11, learning how to jump rope, not sex or rolling a blunt! But we had fun and me and my chocolate even took some turns ourselves. The pictures are below. Enjoy!
ps-Cherish your childhood while you still can.

Black History Month

"I have a scar on my back I got when I was a slave...You have people out there with this scar on their brains..."

I waited until the last day of February to write about Black History month because I really wanted to see if the entire month would go by without anyone saying anything about our race's entire month, and it sadly, it did. I am so disappointed with our generation current state. They are so lazy and will settle for anything, even if it means compromising a piece of themselves for that. Throughout this entire month, I saw very little people even mention anything at all about Black History month. It was a trending topic on twitter for about a day and that was it. Did people forget that this is our heritage month? Did they forget all that we went through to get where we are? Why forget what our ancestors went through? Their pain, their struggle, their sacrifice, their embarrassment and humiliation? But most important, their achievements? Without our forefathers doing what they have done before our time, NO ONE would be in the state that they are in now! So why hasn't there by a celebration of some sort? A festival? A poetry speaking even?
My generation and the generation after me, sad to say, is just too damn complacent where we are. They figured because we have come this far, we have a black president, that we have arrived and that we can simply disregard everything that took place before our time, even though that is exactly what got us where we are today. THAT WOULD BE THE DUMBEST SHIT IVE HEARD IN A LONG ASS TIME!
You never should feel like we've come far enough, that we have done enough. Yes we have come a long way, but we still, in fact, have a long way to go! It saddens my heart when our youth, our Black community, lets the entire month of February just slip on by them without giving thanks of knowledge to all those before us. It saddens me. Sometimes I feel hopeful for our race but other times, times like this, when I see that we still have alot of work to do and no one is willingly to give a helping hand....I lose a little bit of faith in my heart. Where are our leaders of tv of this generation? Lil Wayne, Drake, Gucci, J. Cole, they are cool, they are nice artists....but leaders of the African American race, they are NOT.
As an entire race, we HAVE to do better. No, we MUST do better. If we disregard a month that is dedicated to us and we are African American, how do you feel the white counter parts will feel? Yes we took a giant step forward by having a (half) black president in office, but we also have taken ten small steps back by simply not celebrating our history, knowing our history, and acknowledging this month for what it is.
I am sadly disappointed.
Black people, four words: WE MUST DO BETTER.
If we want a better future for our youth, we have to make those changes and make it happen. We already know from our history that NOTHING is given to us! We have to demand it and fight for it. Why would things be any different now?

Leadership For America & The Global Community

Our Howard University Student Association (SGA) President, Bryan Smart , introducing President Barack Obama as he signs an executive order to strengthen the capacity of and increase access to Federal funding for the Nations Historically Black Colleges and Universities. February 26, 2010.

Some people think that HBCUs arent as creditable in education as our white counter parts. People feel like we aren't diverse enough. How can you go out and be diverse in other cultures, when you aren't aware of the diversity in your very own culture first? I have met and mingled with people in all forms of the Black race...Haitians, Africans in many forms, etc etc. Once I had a talk with an aunt of mine, who expressed that she feels like people just don't appreciate HBCU's anymore, they feel like there is no need for them. HBCU's were birthed because African Americans were denied education at White institutions. Once we were allowed to indulge in education with our white counter parts, HBCU's were still around to give African Americans a vital education about their history, along with the same education that white Americans were receiving all while being comfortable around other African Americans who wanted the same things that individual did....success, respect, and a good quality education.

Now that African Americans can get all of this, (expect for a vital and through education of our very own history) at White institutions today, people feel that there is no need for HBCUs. I am so glad that President Obama disagrees with these people! Last Friday, HBCU leader and student body president, Bryan Smart was given an opportunity to introduce President Obama as he signed the HBCU Initiative making more money and support from the federal government!

And I am so proud that I go to Howard University! I am so proud of my fellow student body, and president of Howard University Student Association (HUSA) Bryan. He is a great and intelligent individual with plans for progress for the black community. I am proud to have known, networked, and had a friend in Bryan. People like him and President Obama breathes a new hope of progress into the African American community.

Thank God Bryan Smart and President Obama doesn't feel the same way that modern people do about HBCUs. Howard University equals the Black Harvard. And although Howard has it problems, every school/college does, I am proud to say that I went here and will be an alumni of this great university.

Thank you Bryan and Barack for believing in HBCUs and keeping the hope and faith alive. Thank you!

Howard University, always at the... forefront of excellence. "Leadership for America and the Global Community!"

Rambling Thoughts

At times, I find myself having just random thoughts in my mind. Sometimes I stress over things, esp things I cant control and I have to remind my thoughts to slow down from racing at 360 per hour to a normal speed. Sometimes I lay in my bed, trying to fall asleep, restless, tossing and turning, and EVERYTHING runs through my brain. And it goes a little something like this:
What if I don't do well in law school?
Maybe I should take a year off before going to law school.
Maybe I am too hard on my mother.
Maybe I am too soft on my father.
Maybe I don't show my grandmother enough love and appreciation.
I wonder what Jonathan is dreaming about.
I wonder if Pavielle is sleep.
I swear the worst feeling in the world is a broken heart.
Why aren't I friends with some of my friends anymore, was it something I did?
Why are girls these days so stupid? I mean I know I been stupid in love before, but if you know you need to get out of the situation because it's bad for you, why are you staying? You are creating problems for yourself at this point.
How will Jonathan and I wedding be?
I know I will cry at the alter.
Tears are coming to my eyes now thinking about us getting married.
How will Jonathan and I first apartment be.
What will life be life after law school and I have passed the bar.
When will Jonathan and I be ready for a child.
How painful is labor....can I go through it more than once?
Dear God, thank you for waking Jonathan up this morning, me up this morning, both sides of my family and Jonathan's family. Thank you for waking us all up in our right mind and in good health. Thank you for getting us throughout the day and protecting us all from dangers and harm both seen and unseen.
Please Lord keep me on the straight path and following in your footsteps.
Please take all ill feelings, hatred, and jealousy from my heart, I am trying everyday to be more humble.
Thank you for bringing Jonathan into my life for he is truly a great blessing. Please continue to us give us strength, endurance, faith, and hope for these next three months while I'm here at Howard and for the rest our lives together.
Amen.
Is Jonathan too good to be true?
I really love that man with all my heart.
What if he hadn't come into my life. Would I still be with my ex.
Does Jonathan ever think about his ex?
How am I going to get this paper done tomorrow? Why did I wait this late to start.
Ugh I wish this sem was over already.
Wait, no I don't, because I will miss my friends.
I will miss Howard, not the problems.
Why cant I sleep.
I want some noodles, but I love the way my dad makes them for me. His taste the best because he makes them with love and I can swear I can taste it.
I wish Jonathan was here to make me a cheeseburger and some fries, just like how he used to in the summer.
I need to start working out but I'm lazy and don't really have the dedication to do such a thing.
I like not working, but not really depending on Jonathan for everything.
I cant wait til we are married.
I want to go home. I wish I was home and in bed with him right now.
I wish we had USA, I want to watch Law and Order.
I cant go to sleep watching Snapped because than it will sink into my dreams.
I wonder what couples at Howard are going to do once they both graduate and they aren't from the same place.
I wonder is anyone up and on twitter? How about fb?
Why aren't I sleep yet?
I really wish girls today wouldn't be so stupid.
I hate Rihanna song Rude Boy...but I love her song Stupid In Love...go figure
I need to download new music for my Ipod
I love music, it soothes my soul.
I wish I didn't have this one tat sometimes, but you leave and learn.
I have to remind Jonathan to pay my phone bill.
I wonder what people are going to get me as graduation gifts.
People want love and relationships but don't want the work that is required that comes with it, than they don't really want it.
I wish I had someone to talk to at 3am. I could call Jonathan but he has to get up for work at 6:30am and that wouldn't be fair to him.
Why haven't I heard anything about the HUH ball? Bison ball? I need to know so Jonathan can come up here and escort me to the ball.
I want to watch Ray, too bad Jonathan has it.
This school year went by fast. Matter of fact, these last four years flew by.
I want some lemon cake.
And a milkshake.
Why didn't I go out tonight? But clubbin and partying is so overrated.
I want me and Jonathan to go on a cruise this summer....maybe for our one year anniversary? But how we would top each year after that?
Why do I love that man?
Why didn't we start dating sooner?
I wonder when we will have our first child.
I wonder how my single friends with kids and not with their baby daddy feel about me and Jonathan relationship.
I wonder who be writing in my formspring.
I wonder who by looking at my fb page.
I wonder who be reading my blogs.
I know I have stalkers, I feel almost honored, but than again, they are being in my business.
Sometimes I wish I was a kid again.
Why was I in such a rush to grow up?
Being an adult sucks sometimes.
I wonder what Cristian is doing...is Huda sleep....Kenae sleep? My mom on the phone? James in the room with some girl?
I wish I had all the seasons of Nip/Tuck right now.
I love The Game...I really wish BET would start a new season already!
What if I'm not ready for law school?

Than the panic attacks start and I have to control myself, calm down and convince myself to slow down my breathing.....
and that's usually when I turn on the tv, to Cartoon Network and the thoughts slow down and I drift off to LaLa Land.....

My Brain Has Already Graduated!!!!

With less than 11 weeks left to graduation, I am trying my hardest to push through. This is so funny and ironic to me....I sailed through my first three and a half years here at Howard....and I kept rushing graduation to come along, and here I am so close to the deadline and I feel like I'm getting flat lined!

I can not focus on anything! There are so many rambling thoughts in my mind that I cant even seem to organize them....and I am a very organized person! I know it may seem like I'm fine to the outsiders, but I'm going crazy in my mind. It is 5am right now, and I am suppose to be working on a 24 page midterm that is due tomorrow, I have a test later on today in one class and a brief homework assignment due in another!

I wont even begin to mention what I have missed in my Creative Writing Poetry class! I went home for V day, and I was only suppose to stay for the weekend....I ended up staying a week and half. And I could blame Jonathan, but he's not the problem. Taking a week off from classes wasn't the problem either because I actually got some work done at home....I cant even pin point the problem actually....

All that I know is that I am tired of school! I am so over it! Like a friend said today on twitter, "my mind has graduated already". This is truly how I feel. As my friend Joel would say, I have a oh so bad case of Senioritis...and it is slowly killing me!

The days are moving so fast, they are all such a blur! Sometimes I feel like I am so behind in my life!

I was excited before hand about going to law school in the fall but I seriously have been thinking lately about taking a year off. I have been in school from pre-school straight up to my college career. To be in school from the age of four up to twenty one is a very long time. I think I may need a break because I def do not want to enter law school with this type of attitude....If I do, I feel like I would be setting myself up for failure....

If I do take a year, I have to be sure that I don't get comfortable and one year turns into three, which turns in six and before I know it, I'm approaching fifty years old and I never made it to law school.

This is a very tough decision. But I have been praying on it, and I am leaning toward the Lord for guidance....

As soon as I make the decision, I'm sure I will feel better because right now I just feel like I'm under a lot of pressure....

Hopefully things will get better.

Scratch that, I KNOW things will get better....they always get better in time.

Dear Lord,

I'm not praying to you or begging you for a lighter load, just a stronger back. I know you brought me this far and you wouldn't leave me here right now to fend for myself. I know you are by my side even when I feel you are not and that I am at my very lowest, you are there....and when I stop seeing two sets of foot prints in the sand...I know it is not because you left my side, but because you carried me for a while....

Sincerely

Kenese

Closer To My Dreams

"Yea...I remember me and, me and D used to talk about this stuff all the time, like what its gon be like when you get close to your dreams. I aint know much then, but i could probly tell you a lil somethin now"

We are in now in the month of Feb, and I graduate in May. I have less than three months here at HU...we dont count the month of May and we have alot of days out of school this sem and we have spring break...which is how there is less than three months left.
And I have been ranting and raving about how Im so ready to graduate, and leave Howard and get home to Jonathan, that I forgot about what I would be leaving behind! Which is my friends here at HU. I have a lot of people that I hang with and chill with, all from different states, and it dawned on me today ((dont know why it took so long really lol))...that after this year, I may very well never see these awesome people again in my life! Sure I will see some if I come back to HU for homecomings and to visit and whatnot, and some I will even invite to like my wedding and stuff...but the majority of these people that I share classrooms with, I wont see again. And this does saddens me a bit.
I like being able to access these people and call them up and they meet me on campus or we have a nice convo in a class. I will truly miss these things. And this year I am and have gotten close to some amazing people so far and I dont want to leave them! I swear these past four years have really passed me by! I was so focused on moving forward that I forgot to enjoy the present and the precious moments that I have now.
I have had some good times here at Howard and some bad times, and also some good memories and I will miss it all. Now I see how those seniors felt when they werent quite ready to leave and face the real world. I wish I could take HU and all of my friends and people whose company I enjoy back with me to Chicago, but I cant. Besides, where would all those people stay? Not with me and Jonathan! He would have a fit! LOL
I sure will miss my times at Howard and esp the people I shared those times with. I will be at every reunion and try to make as many trips back to DC and to other places to visit people as much as my schedule ((and Jonathan)) will allow me. Time dont go back, it goes forward, cant run from the pain go towards it. I wish I would have slowed down these past years and really enjoy HU and got all that I should have gotten from it...but I cant dwell on the past. Can only enjoy the time that I have here now, and I plan on doing so from here on out.
Although May 8, 2010 is rapidly approaching and I am getting closer to my dreams, this is a bittersweet feeling for me.
"Bittersweet, you're going to be the death of me, I dont want you, but I need you, I love you and hate you at the very same time"...and this is def how I feel about my relationship with Howard!

Snow Day! Snow Day!

The city of Washington, DC experienced a big snow storm over the weekend. The big blizzard of 2010 they are calling it. It is now Monday, it stopped snowing on Saturday! Why the hell aren't the streets plowed, salt put down, and public transportation running properly?! Grrrrrrr!!!! Now I don't mind the snow days, because classes got canceled today and tomorrow. But the problem with being snowed in in DC, is that you are really snowed in! Nothing is open! And the metro trains are only going to stops that are underground, which limits where you can go. Today I was waiting for a train for over an hour! This is unacceptable! Esp when it snowed over 48 hours ago! I feel like the snow is a problem here for one reason only, the officials of DC don't prepare for the snow! Instead of putting salt down, and getting the plow trucks out and people shoveling as soon as the snow stops, or even when it is coming down, people decide to raid and loot stores! I swear people in DC are acting like this is Y2K! Shheeessshhh!!!
I went into Target today and the shelves were completely empty! There wasn't even the basics like bread, eggs, and milk! It was all gone! This is sad, very sad!
Although I am from Chicago and we get snow frequently we haven't had this much snow in Chicago in a while. We got 22 inches over the weekend. We don't usually have snow days in Chicago, because as soon as the storm hits, the trucks are out plowing and salt is being thrown down. Schools are still open and people still report to work, snow does not stop nor slow anything down! Snow does NOT equal anthrax! Which is exactly how people in DC are acting right now!
My dear friend LaKendra, who also attends Howard and is also from Chicago put in best when she stated, "Dear D.C. seriously... This snow could have been gone, instead of fretting when you found out the storm was coming, you should have been preparing. Throw down some rock salt before the snow so it wont stick when it comes! Plow the roads after snow has landed! First it was how to run a country now its how to handle snow...Must we Chicagoans teach you everything?!"
And I agree!
Now DC, we gon give you one more chance to make this up to us! It's suppose to snow another 6 to 10 inches tomorrow night into Wednesday afternoon. The city knows this snow is coming, lets do something to prepare for it! Lets get the trucks rolling and the salt down as soon as the first flake falls! Now I really hope they are able to get things under control, because both I and some friends are mine have traveling plans this weekend, we have moves to make. It would sure be nice to be able to follow through with those. I will truly appreciate it Mother Nature, city of Washington, DC and last but not least God. Please make this happen!

Spoken Word Is the Auto-tone of Poetry....

"Spoken word is the auto-tone of poetry"....this is what one of my teachers told me. I am currently in a poetry class here at my last sem at HU. It's called Creative Writing Poetry. My teacher, Tony Medina is completely OD, but he's still cool and I like his teaching style ((sometimes lol)). He pushes us to write with imaginary and to make the words come alive. He also encourages us to read more books about poetry and the flow of it and the techniques behind it.
I used to write and perform spoken word my freshmen and sophomore years here at Howard, but because of my work schedule and heavy class schedule, I had to stop because I no longer had the time. But I do still appreciate good poetry when I come across it. I recently went to a public library here in DC, to get a book for another class, and I ended up picking up a book of love poems by Nikki Giovanni. And there are several poems in there that once I read, I immediately knew that was the way I felt about Jonathan....soooo....for a couple of blogs I will be posting poems by Nikki Giovanni and probably other poets throughout the sem as I continue on throughout the course...so just hang in there with me....here it goes!!!!!
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Love Is

Some people forget that love is
tucking you in and kissing you "Good night"
no matter how young or old you are

Some people don't remember that love is
listening and laughing and asking questions
no matter what your age

Few recognize that love is
commitment responsibility no fun at all
unless

Love is
You and me

_____________________________________________________________________________________
And I Have You

Rain has drops Sun as shine
Moon has beams That make you mine

Rivers have banks Sands for shores
Hearts have heartbeats That make me yours

Needles have eyes Though pins may prick
Elmer has glue To make things stick

Winter has Spring Stockings feet
Pepper has mint To make it sweet

Teachers have lessons Soup du jour
Lawyers sue bad folks Doctors cure

All and all this much is true
You have me And I have you

V Day!!!!

Valentine's Day is in a week and a half. A lot of people, esp females that I know, dislike the holiday. Is is because they don't have someone special to share it with? Bad V-Days in the past? I have been blessed to have not been presented with experiences that will cause me to have a bad lingering after math taste of me for V Day like some people I know. Even in the past, I've always had someone, even if I was single, do something for me on Valentine's Day. I have been blessed I know. I have never really had a bad V Day. But that's the past....no time to dwell on that.

This Valentine's Day, I believe, will mark the beginning of very special Valentine's Days here on out and years to come. Not because I know I'm getting something special, I don't even know if I will get anything at all this year lol, times are tight and I know this....but all of my Valentine's from here on out will be spent with Jonathan. I treasure all the time that I have with him. And to share a special holiday just for lovers with him, it special to me. So in all honesty, even if he just gives me a kiss and a hand made card, I will love it and appreciate it. The fact that I am sharing my time with him on that day, is special enough for me. That's how I know I truly love him...I don't care if I get a gift, he is my gift lol

Yeah I'm a sap and a sucker for love...all that good ish. But Jonathan made me this way, and I wouldn't have it any other way to tell you the truth.

I hope you guys and gals, find someone special to spend the holiday with. Even if it is not a significant other, spend it with a friend or even family members. What makes holidays in general so memorable, is the people you spend it with and the memories you acquire because of that time spend together.

Be safe and enjoy the holiday.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Adoption vs Abortion

"See everybody at the door ain't got a key. You on the outside looking in, now tell me what you see"
A friend of mine and I were watching the TV series Teen Mom. Teen Mom is basically a show that shows these young girls who have children at 16. They follow the girls and their lives from the time the girls are in their third trimester, give birth, and up until the child turns 1 year old. This season was a good one, in my opinion. There were four girls on there. Maci and her son, Bentley. Amber and her daughter Leah, Farrah and her daughter Sophia, and Catelynn and her daughter Carly. Although I could write on these four girls all day lol...this blog will be discussing Catelynn and Tyler (her boyfriend/baby's father) situation. Tyler and Catelynn gave their daughter Carly up for adoption. My friend and I were having a debate on adoption and abortion shorty after the show went off.
She felt as though Catelynn and Tyler should have kept their child, struggled with her, and raised her alone. I felt that the young couple made the correct decision. Both her and I felt that although abortion is your choice, we are both pro-life, so Catelynn not getting an abortion was a good thing in our opinion. Catelynn and Tyler were dirt poor, living in a tailor home, and lived with their parents. Tyler's Dad was married to Catelynn's Mom ((I don't even know why Tyler and Catelynn were dating and having sex than! Maybe they got bored and decided to do it, Idk lol...but anyways....)) It wasn't exactly the best environment to be raising a child. It could have been done....
But Catelynn and Tyler decided to find a perfect family for Carly, a couple that could give her everything that they could not give her....mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally and financially. Nor did they have a support system themselves. The only family they had were individual parents who were now married to each other, who did not support Catelynn and Tyler upon the disclosure of Catelynn's pregnancy. In fact, the parents moved out and Catelynn and Tyler were forced to try to find a way to make it on their own.
Adoption, in my opinion, when done right, is the most selfless act a mother could do for her child, esp when the act is done for the best for the children. Simply giving your child to a foster home or orphanage in my opinion is different from adoption. Adoption, to me, is when the biological parents set out to find a fit couple for their child. And a lot of adoptions are sometimes closed, but Catelynn and Tyler decided to keep theirs open. So they get pictures and updates about Carly ever three months or so.
I can't say what I will or wont do when faced with a situation like pregnancy when in a situation such as Catelynn and Carly's. Esp when I look at movies such as Pursuit of Happyness when Will Smith was living in a shelter with his son and sleeping on the floor in a public restroom in a train station. I can not even begin to image what to do, how to think, what to feel. But in a situation so bad, I would not want my child to be exposed to that struggle of me having nothing and living in a shelter.
Everyone isn't strong enough for adoption, abortion, or raising a child. Different people have different degrees of strength, and what they can and cannot take and/or sacrifice in their life. Watching that show taught me a humbling experience and here I was thinking I was just watching it to be entertained. It taught me to be thankful for my parents, grandparents, and their struggles to raise me and get me to where I am today and for their continuing support. Lord knows I could have been Carly, or one of the Carlys of the world, but I wasn't and I'm not.
I try harder now to not judge a person so quickly, esp if I don't have all of the facts and background behind their story, which you usually don't, because people disclose to you what they want you to know about them. Adoption or abortion, what would you do?

How Come....

"How come we don't even talk no more And you don't even call no more We don't barely keep in touch at all And I don't even feel the same love when we hug no more And I heard it through the grape vine we even beefin now After all the years we been down Aint no way no how, this bullshit can't be true We family and aint a damn thing changed, unless it's you"
This is currently how I am feeling. I'm in the last semester of my senior year, and it troubles me that the friends that I had my freshmen year, close friends of mine, are either not my friends anymore or we aren't as close.And people tell me all the time that friends grow apart, and that as you grow older, you don't lose friends you just learn who the real ones are....and even though I know this to be true...sometimes it just hurts my heart. I have a hard outer interior, but once I let you in, I let you in. And I don't let alot of people in, esp females, so if I do, it saddens me when I grow apart from someone, or we stop being friends for whatever reason. See I have this habit of being my all into these "friendships"...and though I've already found it to be a fact, I could never really get with giving my loyalty and friendship and my being whole heartdly and not getting that shit back.It just saddens me. I learn not to live with regrets and that everything happens for a reason.....but sometimes, times like this, when I'm alone in my room, in the wee hours of the morning, I wonder how come? Was it me? Was [EYE] not a good friend? Did I change with the seasons? And I have come to realize, that no, it's not me. I don't hold grudges, I retain memories.Good memories, and I want it back....but a friendship, just like any other relationship, is a two way street.
"I changed huh? You got a phone, pick it up, call me ..."
So does this mean that we werent real friends to begin with?

Haiti....

I really don't know what to say about the earthquake in Haiti. When I first heard the news, on the radio, I was like, OK, it's not that bad. But than there was details given, so much destroyed, so many missing, and the images are heartbreaking and devastating. I can not even BEGIN to IMAGINE how they are feeling over there. My heart hurts every time I see an image or hear in great numbers so many people missing.
This is def a time when people need to come together and do all that they can. This is an unbelievable disaster. And sometimes it makes you wonder why would God allow such a thing to happen. However, now isn't the time to question God, now is the time to look to and for Him.
Somehow my problems that I thought I was having, with Howard, with my family, with Jonathan, with law school, with anything, appears to be so insignificant compared to what they are experiencing in Haiti, broken bodies, losing family members, no food, no running water, nowhere to live....and to tell the truth, it really is.
I am watching Hope for Haiti benefit concert and tears keep springing to my eyes. This is def a sad and trying time. Even if people don't donate, prayer is free, and I pray for them every night. Haiti won't be fine overnight, but the process of healing has to start now, one prayer at a time.

Weep for Haiti, help Haiti, pray for Haiti.

"My Business"

"Yeah I may like you for a minute, but that dont mean I like your friends all up in my business!"
Ugh! So true!
I hate when people, esp people I dont like nor know, try to be all up in my business and what not! That irks the hell out of me!
I just had to remove and block about 25 people on facebook because they were all suspect of being in my business. These nosey ass people were taking simple ish that I put on facebook and going back and telling Jonathan. I mean, one time I wrote on HIS wall that he snores in his sleep and three people texted him about it! Like wtf? Seriously.
So I had to drop them!
If you arent part of the solution, than you are part of the problem. They were not helping toward the greater good of our relationship, as a result, they were part of the problem. As a result, I had to remove them from my life.
That is all.
Back to my reguarly scheduled life.
Look forward to a post soon.
And for those who read this, please....
esp with my relationship,
esp the parts that I dont indulge to you myself personally.
Thanks :)

Ask Me!

Sooooo the new thing right now, is this sorta honesyt box...but its not like facebook, twitter, or myspace. Thank God because I only have a facebook! LBS....Anywhooo...it lets you ask totally anonymous questions and it give the person the option to answer it or not. I am currently answering all questions that come thru my box. I feel like I don't have anything to hide, I'm pretty up front. So far Ive been getting general, random questions, but I know the more people find out about it, the crazier the questions might get. And I'm ready! LBS....
So go ahead and ask away! I know there is something that you want to know about me...go ahead and ask away my darling!!!!
Here's the link...copy and paste it to go to the website. And remember it doesn't tell me who you are!
http://www.formspring.me/mzpippi
Indulge yourself in my life!
:)

Betrayal....At Its Finest???

"Yo rude boi, why you cross me, like a little t?"
Betrayal.
Such an ugly word. And no one wants to be on the wrong end of it. No one should really want to be on either side of it. But the question I am posing today is...."is some betrayal more worst than others?"
And my answer is yes. But remember, this is just my opinion.
I feel that some things, some forms of betrayal, a person can forgive, and continue on with that relationship, rather it be a friendship, romatic relationship, co-workers, etc etc. However, there are some things, that can be forgive {in due time} but the betrayal was so great, that the relationship is totally damaged and can not be repaired and it is best for all parties to go separate ways.
Betrayal comes in many stages, but it also depends on the individual and what betrayal is to them. What I may feel like is a small form of betrayal may be a bigger deal to some one else.
The bottom line, is that no one likes to feel the sting of betrayal. No one like to feel like someone balantly disregarded the relationship and the trust of the relationship. It is not a good feeling.
I can possibly get over if a female friend of my mine, talked to an ex boyfriend of mine. It would bother me for a while, but depending on the relationship I have with that girl and the relationship I had with my ex, in {due time} I would be able to forgive and still be that girl's friend. If one of my closest friends sleeps with like my husband to be ((which I hope and pray will never happen, but I trust Jonathan and Pavielle lol))that is really unforgiveable and I would not be able to be with him nor be her friend again. But that's just me. I've seen this happen and all parties were able to move past it. Not me.
Betrayal isn't good. So just try to avoid it at all cost. The best way to avoid it, ask yourself, "what if he/she was doing this to me? How would I feel or react?" And it you cant answer, or you get a negative answer....just stay away.

Betrayal is never good, for anyone. Heed my warning and stay away before you be crying and your nose is all stuffy!

Whole New Decade

Sooooo, it's 2010! I could not wait for this year to get here in 2006. LOL....I graudated from high school in 2006, and now Im graduating from college in five months!
I said last year when 2009 first came in, I told everyone else that they could have 2009 because 2010 would be my year! I already claimed it! Yes, it's mine!. Alot of great things are going to fall into place for in this great year.
Along with my success and accomplishments, will be challenges and hard times, and because I know this already, I am ready for whatever is going to come my way. I have God on my side, so I know there is no way I can lose!
None the less, 2010 brings the start of a new year, a new decade and new learning experiences.
I won't say that I will change, because I progess, mature and develop every day, not just when a new year comes along. So I will continue to do as such.
Can't wait to see all the great things of 2010!