Selective Realities....

My dad tells me all the time that people show you who you are in the beginning, its up to you to accept their ways or not. If you stick around in the relationship after they have showed you "themselves" than it is safe to assume that you accept their ways. And I agree with his theory whole-heartedly. Whether it be a romantic relationship or a friendship, a person will show you their ways in the beginning. And you can decide to respond to that situation accordingly by nipping that problem in the bud and cutting that person off and leaving them alone or you can be in denial and act like you didn't see the signs in the beginning, which is what I like to call a selective reality
For example, if you have a friend that borrows money all the time, no matter the amount, and never pays it back he/she has shown you them! Now you can decide to still be friends with that person and just not let them borrow money or you can end the friendship because this will cause a future problem, its really up to you. You see the problem and you can ignore it or respond accordinglying.
Same thing goes with a romantic relationship. A man or woman will show you who he/she is in the beginning and I will give an example for both a male and a female.
If a female doesn't take care of her children and is clubbing all the time, and you MET her in a club don't get mad when you have a baby by her and deem her an unfit parent! If the first time you came over to her crib and it wasn't clean and she didn't have no food in the kitchen, don't get mad and say that she is a messy board and that she doesn't take care of her business inside of the home. You already knew! Yet you still continue that relationship which mean you decided to have a selective reality and chose to stay with that person anyway despite her showing her flaws in the beginning.
Same thing goes for males. If you catch a male lying and cheating and not showing any signs of getting a job and getting his life together within the first couple months that you are seeing him, he is not going to change! A leopard doesn't change his spots! Which means that a person is not going to change anytime soon if they haven't changed by now. You knew he was a lying, cheating dog in the beginning of the relationship so don't be suprised when months or even years later he is still a lying, cheating dog. He showed you who he was but you decided to stay anyway. You chose your selective relaity. You stayed despsite that man showing you his flaws.
Now don't get me wrong. Some people do change, but very rarely. You can't change a person, that type of change has to come from within. A person can want to change for you but they still have to do it themselves. So don't be surprised or disappointed when a person ends the same way they started. They showed you who they were. You can decide to respond to them accordingly or take the option of being in a selective reality...which in other words is denial The choice is up to you!

"Tell Me Another Lie"......

Dont you hate it when people lie? Uuuggghhhh! That really gets under my skin, esp when I KNOW FOR A FACT that he/she is lying! What's the point in that? As my Godiva Baby say, "what's your angle?"

Why lie? Because YOU dont know how to handle the truth? Because the lie sounds better than the truth? Because you want the lie to be your truth? For amusement? To get out of a jam? Cuz you honestly dont know the truth? Or simply because you werent aware that the lie was a lie, and you were lead to believe that the lie was the truth?

Either way, I hate it when people lie! Why? Because the truth always comes out in the end! Just be real and up front from the very beginning. Trust me, I will respect you more for being 100% with me and Im sure alot of people feel this way!

I hate when females brag on their relationship when EVERYONE knows the TRUTH! Dont get me wrong, you can brag if you feel like you have every reason to! Meaning that your man is ONLY YOUR man, you dont share him with anyone else ((at least to YOUR knowlege you dont), he has some type of LEGAL income, and he takes care of you and treats you like the queen you deserved to be treated like. Dont brag on how good of a man you have, or how much you love your man and you ride or die for him when you KNOW that he dips and daps with other females! That's not bragging! That's broadcasting your stupdity! Don't brag that your man takes care of you when he doesnt have a job! Dont do that!

I hate when people brag and say they got money and they got their "own". STOP STUNTTIN! I KNOW YOU! You still live with your mother, in your same room that you have been living in since you were in like the 6th grade! As for the getting money part...lol...please! If you are really getting money you won't have to splash it all over myspace and facebook, taking stunna pictures and making stats about how you getting money....if you are really getting money, it will show!

And here's my fav top lie/thing to stunt about.....going back to school. That is NOT something to stunt! First off, that is something that you should have done in the FIRST PLACE! It is good that you are going back to school but DO NOT brag and stunt on facebook and myspace and put OTHER people down cuz they arent in school when you are at a COMMUNITY COLLEGE OR A TRADE SCHOOL! You are only ONE step above/ahead of them! Last week, YOU were in THEIR shoes! So stop! If you want the bragging rights and the right to stunt on somebody, go to a real college or four year university RIGHT after high school like you were suppose to, without the pit stops! Than you can brag, until than, continue to do your thing, and grind!

Although this is rather irritating at times, it is amusing and funny. And it's so funny because I KNOW THE TRUTH! I know that your man aint no good, hell EVERYONE DOES including YOU! I know that you still live at your mother's/grandmother's house or somewhere that you have a ROOM and dont pay ANY BILLS OR RENT! I know that you work a min wage paying job and that you live check to check! I know that you are going to somebody's "program" or community college. So stop acting like you are doin some EXTRAordinary when you are only ORDINARY...sorry kid, you're just average. So stop claiming the title of a five star chick when you are only really a one and half star....on your best days!

This Ish Is Sad....

I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF PAYING FOR PAST PEOPLE'S MISTAKES!!!!

I am paying for people's mistakes from my past and I hate it!

I am paying for mistakes that my exs made with my current relationship. I have trust issues and other personal issues going on. We are working thru them and I am so very blessed that Jonathan is working WITH me to work out these problems. He is my life long partner and I am so very happy that God brought him to me. He has been very understanding! But I am not! And Im tired! I want to confront my exs but there is no point! They have done what they did, and that is that...I cant turn back the hands of time, all I can do is try to fix the present so that I can have a successful future.

But its not just my exs. There are other people in my life who have done things in the past and I am currently having to deal with that shit now!

Friends and even family members have done things that I have to pay for and attend to now if I want to have any type of bright future. And the shit is pissing me off! These people knew what they were doing before they did it. They knew the shit was wrong. They knew that I was going to have to be the person who dealt with this shit when it hit the fan, AND NOT THEM and they did it any way!!!!! Friends and family my ass! This is what I get for being a kind hearted person and being too damn loyal!

Now I am out to protect myself and my future because it seems that I am the one person who cares about it the most! Which is so very sad. You would think that the people in your life want the very best for you, but I guess I am wrong!

From this point on, I will only being fixing mistakes that I made! And no one else! God I AM SO TIRED FOR PAYING FOR PAST PEOPLE'S MISTAKES!!!

"Dear Lord, protect me from my friends and family because I can handle my enemies. I mean who needs enemies with "friends and family" like mine!

Too Much Loyalty?

I am a mighty Leo...yep, King of the Jungle. And Leos are alot of things. Passionate, intelligent, sexy, stubborn and last but not least loyal. And that's the problem. I think that Leos are TOO DAMN LOYAL!!!

We are loyal to all people that betray us, family members, friends, spouses, coworkers, etc, etc. Loyalty can be a good thing but is there such a thing as too much loyalty?

And because these people who know us, know that we are loyal creatures, sometimes take our loyalty for granted. For example, a friend may continue to play on your feelings, stand you up, borrow money and dont return it, and is never there when you really need them to be, but yet and still, because you consider them a friend, you remain their friend, and your friend knows this. But this is something that you have to realize, you dont just become my friend because we work together, or went to school together, or have a common friend...oh no. We are friends because we have went through something and we have bonded on another level. So for the beginning of the relationship, it is alllll good. But than, things start to happen and the frienship slowly gets sour. And of course you want to cut this friend off, but you remember the good times, and you dont.

I am trying to break out of that habit. Just because we were friends once before does not mean I have to continue to be your friend. I broke this loyalty bond with my ex and now I am breaking it with friends and maybe even some family members. If they were really friends like they claim, or loved me like they claimed, they wouldnt stress and test my loyalty anyways!

Yes, us Leos tend to be loyal.... A LITTLE TOO DAMN LOYAL! But that buck stops here! Is there a such thing as too much loyalty? YES, THERE IS! And we all know that too much of a good thing is bad for you in the end.

Part Of the List....

"Our quiet time....your beautiful mind....They're a part of the list, of things that I miss.Things like your funny little laugh,the way you smile or the way we kiss.What I noticed is this:I come up with something new, every single time that I sit and reminisce..."

TRUE LIFE: I AM IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP....and sometimes it gets hard, so very hard. I be feeling like Ne-Yo in the song above, I will just sit for a period of time and just think and reminisce of all the good and bad times that we've been through. And I remember and yearn for his kiss, touch, his smile, the sparkle in this eyes when he look at me, his laugh...HIS EVERYTHING! I just miss him sooo much.

The only thing that keeps me going strong is that I KNOW in the end that Jonathan will be worth EVERY second of this slow form of toture that I feel like Im enduring at this time. I count down all the time when I will be able to get to see him again, talk to him again, feel his touch again, and of course, there's a count day to graduation ((8 months to go))!

This long distance is very difficult but I also feel like it is helping us grow and bond on a level that most couples dont experience. We have a very strong physical bond ((lol)) but this distance is making our communication and spiritual bond stronger. We pray together and ask God for guiadance and strength in our relationship because we cant do this without His help and that all things are only able through Him. Of course our communication gets stronger and deeper because that is all we have right now. All we can do is talk and text because are not able to see each other.

And of course we have problems like every other regular couple, but we talk about it with each other and than we come to a conclusion together. We feel like sometimes that this a test but we are overly confident that we will pass each and every thing that comes our way. We may struggle with it at first, I cant lie, we do struggle, but we struggle together. And that's why I feel like our bond is strong, because we are both from humble beginnings and we are struggling together to build this rock solid foundation. I feel that this next 8 months will bring alot of things our way but at the end, on May 8th when I walk across that stage and receive my degree from Howard University, he will be there and on the 10th we will be getting on a plane together and going back to Chicago together, hand in hand. But until than, all I can is reminisice.....

"I dreamed you now every night in my mind is where we meet and when I'm awake staring at pictures of you asleep.Touching your face,invading you space....They're a part of the list of things that I miss. Things like your funny little laugh, the way you smile or the way we kiss. What I noticed is this:I come up with something new, every single time that I sit and reminisce...."

My Inspiration

Someone asked me at work earlier this week what I was in school for. That's not unsual, I get that question all the time. So as usual I answered that I was pre-law. And of course the follow up question was what type of lawyer did I want to be. And of course I answered a criminal justice defense attorney. But than I was asked why that type of lawyer. There usually aren't any questions after the second one. And that made me think...
I've always wanted to be a lawyer, just the type of lawyer has changed. Since I've been about five years old I have always been interested in the law and the police and the way things work. And for the longest I've wanted to be a prosecutor. I wanted to help put the "bad guys" away. It wasn't until recently that I switched the type of lawyer that I want to be from a prosecutor to a defense attorney. And the question is why? And the answer is because ......my brother.
I have a brother that is a year younger than me, so that means he's 20 for all those that read my blog and don't know how old I am. And we have the same mother and father. Grew up in the same household. And somehow he lost his way a little. Around his junior year in high school he got into the streets and started gang banging and selling drugs. At this time I was on my way to college and my younger sister who is 17 now was the valedictorian of her 8th grade class. Where he got this thrill or need to be in the streets no one knew and no one knew where it came from. But long story short, he got arrested and got back on track. It took him a while but he did it, and I'm so happy and proud of him. Right now he is a freshmen majoring in Accounting at Alcorn State University in Mississippi.
And looking back and probing deep now, I realize that he is the reson I changed my mind. Because I know that every young man standing on the corner wasn't born a criminal and that he isn't necessarily a menace to society like the news and the media and the society itself wants you to think. Sometimes there are just some ppl who lose their way for a while, but they find their way back to that straight path. So I guess you can say my brother is my inspiration. And I'm glad that he is. I'm so proud of you lil bruh. You make me proud to be your big sister. I love you James! :)

We're At The Top...The Bottom is TOO Crowded...

I attend the great Howard University, located in Washington, DC....only one of the top HBCU's in the nation....ONLY!!!! lol

Now I can not lie....Howard has it's PROBLEMS....AND ALOT OF THEM! But I realize that I wouldnt give it up for anything. Im glad that I was {forced} lol to come here. I have learned so much here, both in and out of the classroom. It has helped to shape the person that I am today. It has taught me growth.

Howard has shown me how the real world operates. It has shaped me to know how to manuever, learn, and work the system in the corporate world. It has shown me that time waits on no one, and that you know what you have to do, so just do, or else you will have problems. So I guess with that being said, Howard doesnt really have all the problems, I contribute some also.

I get mad that the people in the fin aid department are NOT very friendly and that people often times give you the run around! Ugh! But either way, it's still all good.

There are many people who applied to Howard and did not get in...I am so glad that I am not one of those people. Howard is a great place to be and I wouldnt trade it for any other college. And I feel that I can say that now, in my senior year ((CLASS OF 2010 STAND UP! LOL)) because I've been here the whole four years at HU. And I've dealt with their BS every semester of every year. And even tho I am ready to go, I will miss it. I will miss the caring teachers, the ((sometimes)) helpful advisors, the fasion show that we call the yard, the over the top organizations...the end of the sem when it seems like everyone is in the library trying to study for the hardest class that sem, and most importantly the friends that I've made throughout my entire college career at Howard.

I've met many individuals who I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, will become very successful in this lifetime. And who will go on to become leaders for the global community. I mean, after all, Howard Univeristy does produce the greatest of all time ;)

So even with all of it's flaws and problems, Howard is still a great academic foundaton for one's future. I mean, we are at the top, because the bottom's too crowded....like Mr. West himself said, "you can ask big homie, man the time is so lonely"....and it is. Welcome to the best of the elite....Howard Univerisity :)