I...Always...Fall...For Your Type...

I am so SICK AND TIRED of seeing/hearing females say "all n*ggas aint sh*t & they all cheat" NEWSFLASH:not ALL MEN are the same! Stop messing w/ these young immature boys who dont know what they want &/or have in their life. People do what YOU allow them to! Dont complain OR generalize about the males in your life that you KNOW treat you like a doormat but still allow in YOUR life. Its not just him to blame, YOU are at fault also!

First off, I feel like things such as self esteem, self value, self love, and how you are to be expected to be treated starts at HOME and with YOURSELF! In a perfect world, there are two parents in each household, and the household is loving and caring. The father shows the children (both men and women) how a woman is suppose to be treated by a man, both by telling his children and be constantly displaying that when interacting with his wife/the mother of his children. And the mother shows/tells the children what is to be expected from a woman, by telling the children and showing them when interacting with her husband/children's father. But this isnt a perfect world and things dont work like that. We have both males and females who grow up and come from single parent homes, broken homes, foster homes, mixed families, abusive homes, neglected parents...I can go on and on. If a child is not taught early on how to treat others and respect themselves, than most likely when they get older, the nasty cycle will continue. A man should NEVER raise his hand to a woman. A man takes care of home first.

I can NOT say with 100% certainty that Jonathan has been faithful for the two years we have been together. What I CAN say, is that he takes care of home very well. And by this I mean, if there was/is someone he is messing with I havent caught him or found ANY clues about her. No phone calls, texts, visits to my job or house, his house, no facebook wall posts or messages to neither him or I. And I believe that alot of this contributes to the fact that he grew up in a two parent household, his parents are still married and together to this day. His father has shown and taught him how to treat a woman and his mother has taught and shown him how a woman is suppose to treat a man. And for this, I am so so soooooooo grateful.

Not to say that only those from two parent households will have successful HEALTHY relationships because that's not true either, the percentage is just higher. There are also those who grew up like Jonathan and for some reason become abusive to women, criminals, unfaithful dogs...etc etc. But the key thing, is that when someone (man or woman) shows you that he/she doesnt respect you be either hitting you, calling you names, cheating on you, etc etc LEAVE THEM ALONE! Once a man cheats, and YOU STAY, you are allowing what happened to continue. Are you really surprised that he cheated, yet again, for the fourth time after you discovered he cheated the first couple times? At this point, his isnt playing you, you are playing yourself! When you demand more, you receive more!

And what I DESPISE the most, is when a woman will pass up a GOOD MAN for a LOW LIFE THUG, stating, "he isnt my type". Oh so, being treated like a queen, him being faithful and committed to you, a working man, a man striving to better not only himself but you as well, him respecting you, loving you whole heartly and never hurting you....isnt't your type? Buuuttt....the one who had a kid when you met him, baby mama drama, no real job or a dead beat job that isnt going anywhere, hanging on the block, you constantly defending your relationship to others, you always crying (NOT tears of joy), you getting into it other females or other females telling you about YOUR "man", you always catching him up with another female, if you have a child he isnt really there for him/her and that's IF he is claiming your child AT that moment, him not claiming you, in and out of jail, him calling you names, publicly humiliating you, him hitting you, is YOUR type?

Well damn! And you wonder why you are a doormat? Look at the men YOU ALLOW in your life! If you won't trust just anyone in your house, or to drive your car, or to use something special to you without them proving that they are worthy first....why won't you do the same with your heart, mind, body and soul? You will always fall for the wrong type if you continue on with these actions that clearly show you don't have love for yourself. I know people make mistakes, and grow and mature. But if you continue to make these same mistakes over and over, there are no longer mistakes, these are choices. You are choosing to be someone who you know is a cheater and can't bring anything to the table for you and your family (if you have children).

Don't be dumb ladies.
Don't fall for that type.

"If you dont treat her like a queen, you gon be a lonely king"

Yall need to listen to Fab, he makes sense at times!

More About Nothing

Since I haven't written in so long, of course, it's time for yet another update...which is really more about nothing....lol

Sorry for the neglect. Ive been busy...with...well...life...lol
I can honestly say at this point in life I am happy with my growth thus far and the direction that I see my life heading in. I am content in all aspects, my relationship, my job, my apartment, my friends....my family (the jury is still out on that one lol)
Ive been getting back to reading more lately. And Ive moved away just the "hood books" by Triple Crown Publications. Dont get me wrong, I still read a good Nikki Turner or J'Wan (sp) book every once in a while but Im more about reading other things. I read Tavis Smiley's auto-biography and that was really good. Im getting more into John Grishman, who mainly writes about law. And currently Im reading "The Color of Water" which is a black's man narrative dedicated to his white mother.

Ive shed a couple of "friends" (term used loosely). Ive come to realize that I no longer have things in common with these people anymore. They are more concerned about clubbin, having more babies, and their no good boyfriends who can't even begin to commit to them or seem to stay out of jail. When it comes down to discuss things with them, I have nothing to contribute to those conversations. Ive passed that point in my life years ago.

Im training myself to get back into school mode. Im back on my LSAT tip after taking some time off from it and working. I mean, there's no way for me to get into law school and become a lawyer without first taking the LSAT...believe, Ive researched this ish! lol Ummmm....what else is new? Jonathan got his series, 6 and series 63 license, so he is putting forth the motion to start his career and I couldnt be any more happier for him. He knows Im his greatest fan and supporter.

My relationship with God is growing and becoming stronger. It's not exactly where I want it to be, but I dont want to rush things either. Things like this take time. Im developing my relationship with Jesus at my pace. It's between me and Him and He has no complaints, at least not to my knowledge, so it's all good.

Im starting to miss HU and my friends there sooooo much. I cant wait til I have a reunion with all of them.

I also decided that Im getting locs! Yep, those that know me know I dont know how to do ANYTHING with my hair! And I think locs will be good for me! Im already going natural, havent had a perm in months. Im going to cut it this summer, and than in the fall I will start going to get it twisted and trained for the locs. Im so excited!

Oh, Ive started workin out! Yay me! My body hurts like hell but hey, no pain no gain! lol. Ive also started the process of portion control (eating on smaller plates & eating less food). Did you know it takes 20 minutes for your brain to send a message to your stomach that you have started eating? So by the time that process begins, you are already on your second plate and now you're over stuffed! Greedy! LOL. So to cure that lil problem, you drink a glass of water or a bottle of water before you start eating, this way by the time you start eating, your body has already started the process of getting full. I work out 6 days a week, twice a day four days a week. I work out in the morning, Monday thru Saturday, and I take classes after work, Yoga, Core/Toning, Pilates, Kwando Monday thru Thursday. I also watch what I snack on now. Instead of grabbing those Oreo Golden Cookies (which I love love LOVE) I grab a apple or grapes or a yogurt. And also ladies, a yogurt a day keeps the doctor away! Both my doc and personal trainer informed that yogurt has the same cultures that your vag produces. Yogurt keeps the ph balanced in your uterus and it lowers the risk of infections.

Well gotta cut this short, Jonathan is on his way...chao!!!

Side Effects, Oh Oh Ohhhhh

Side effects. When most people hear this word, medicine comes to the mind majority of the time. People think of side effects as something that happens as a reaction to someone taking something. However, there are side effects to everything. Dictionary.com gives two definitions for side effects, and they are as follows:

1)any effect of a drug, chemical, or other medicine that is in addition to its intended effect, especially an effect that is harmful or unpleasant.
and
2)any accompanying or consequential and usually detrimental effect as the result from an act, person, place or thing.

The first one as I stated, relates to the medical field. But the second one is one that I wish to focus on more, "the accompanying or consequential and usually detrimental effect as the result from an act, person, place or thing."
Too often, do we as humans, do things for ourselves, and not think about the side effects that it may have on us in the future or even people around us or those who love us.
I will take myself for example.
When Jonathan and I first started dating, I wanted him around allllll the time. And not like how it was with some of my exs. I wanted them around because of fear of what they were doing when I wasn't with them. I genuinely enjoy Jonathan's company and if I went more than a couple hours without him, I would really miss him.
It got to a point where I wanted him to spend the night, even when I was living with my mother. Looking back now, I realize my selfishness. I was only thinking about myself. I wasn't thinking about how having a young man spend the night in my mother's house was effecting other people in the household, for example my younger siblings.
I wasn't thinking about how it would effect them, coming down to my room and seeing Jonathan just laying in my bed with his pjs on or just some basketball shorts and a tank top.
I wasn't thinking about how Jonathan spending the night at my house was effecting HIS younger brother. With his brother being as an impressionable age. We were sending off all of the wrong signals. But at the time, that wasn't the thought on our minds. We weren't thinking about the side effects.
I write all this to say, that people need to be more conscious in their actions. All parties need to be considered when making decisions and because of the day and age that we live in, most decisions needs to be made with alot of thoughtfulness and urgency.
For those who have children, women, don't allow a man to walk all over you. Don't allow a man to yell, shout, curse, and/or put his hands on you AT ALL but def not in front of your children. Because you don't know how that little girl will see it. She may grow up and decide, she won't be like her mother and won't let men walk all over her, or she may decide that such behavior is acceptable because she saw Mommy put up with it, so it must be ok. And what about your son? You don't want that little boy growing up thinking it's ok to be a womanizer because he either saw his daddy do it or he saw his mother put up with it. And the same goes for the young men who are fathers. You don't want your little princess to see you treating women like dirt on the bottom of your shoe because she is going to think that's the way a female is suppose to be treated. And you don't, or you shouldn't, want to give off that impression to your son that women can be treated like anything. And all of this can be summed up in one word: responsibility.
If one acts with responsibility in all that one does, the side effects, at least the bad ones, will be limited.
I know, we are only human, and we aren't perfect. But we can make more conscious decisions and try to be aware of those who will be effected. Most of the time, it's not just about us, we have siblings, cousins, children, family to consider along the way. We just have to stop a second and think about it.
"Any accompanying or consequential and usually detrimental effect as the result from an act, person, place or thing."

How detrimental the side effect of something for a person, may just depend on you. Act wisely.

Great Music!

I know I been MIA, what's new right? lol...But for the past couple weeks I have been buying music lately instead of just downloading lol yay me! But the following are some great music I gathered and I highly suggest you guys PURCHASE it! ;)

T.I. - No Mercy (great album & TI is one of my fav hip hop artists)
Cee-Lo Green-The Lady Killer....(I was never really a fan of Cee-Lo's but his hit single F**k You prompted me to get the album and I keep it on rotation in Jonathan's car or on Lindsay (my Ipad) heavy!)
Miguel-All I Want Is You (Miguel's hit single ft/ J. Cole All I Want Is You was a great song and this man has amazing talent, both singing and writing his own songs. His album is GREAT! I loved it the first time I listened it!)
And the best for last,
Adele-21. (Adele's last album 19 was great! A classic in my book and I was turned on to her late in the game by my cousin. I purchased Adele's album maybe 3 days ago and already I have listened to it AT LEAST 10 times! This girl has MAD skills and talents and her songs and lyrics just speak to your soul! I love love love her song Rumour Has It and I Found A Boy the most off of this album! But the ENTIRE album is great and that's sometimes rare to find, an entire album that is great that you have skip NO SONGS AT ALL because they ALL are great! I sooo love this young woman!)

These all are some great albums and if you are a true music lover in any form, go and purchase these albums, rather it by via CD or itunes....just pay for it! Give the artists their credit and pay them for hard work!

More posts to come!

Welfare Wifeys!!!!

WELFARE WIFEYS!

UGH!

We all know them....

Some of them are our close friends

Some of them are even in our families

Hell some of YA'LL are them!

What are these you may ask?

Let me back up and explain....

Welfare wifeys are those (mostly females but it can be males also but for the purpose of this blog, we will stick to just the females) who have children and MILK the welfare system...like literally MILK...IT...DRY!!!!

For example, a welfare wifey...will be on low-income/section 8 AND will receive food stamps AND will receive some type of other assistance such as TANF (which is cash along with their food stamps). Also alot of these females will also be receiving a check for their child, SSI,SSA....etc etc...not all but some.

Now I am in the social work field so I dont mind helping people. I actually take pride in it and I enjoy it.

HOWEVER...

I am referring to those who want hand outs and do not wish to help themselves. I'm referring to those who receive all of this assistance, pay no rent, have no job, and club, party, and stunt all the time.

You know, the ones who are always bragging about getting money but never worked a legal job a day in their life....yeah, THOSE are the girls I'm talking about!

I'm talking about the girls who depend on the welfare system as if welfare is their husband, hence the term "welfare wifey".

What I do not like is that these females are able to get assistance quickly, whereas a person such as myself, with no kids, and a job, gets the run around and than usually I'm denied help!

What type of ish is that?

I need help just like the next female does!

Some of these WW are living better than college graduates!

Is that the message that we are trying to send to the young girls of our future? That you will receive all the help you need if you have a baby and limit yourself by not getting an education and not going to school....but if you go against the grain, and you do go to school, and than get a job....well, hey, you're on your own sister!

That is sad!

And we need to do better!

And these wifeys need to divorce the system and get a real job!

Close your legs and open your mind!

I'm thankful for all of my blessings and I'm not complaining....but damn....

We just have to do better!

Both the system and these wifeys!

And it's funny how this topic even came up....I posted a question twitter asking how do those who have no job get money...do they get it from their parents, from selling drugs, from selling a**?! I want to know!

And someone tweeted me back....from you

Meaning me...which is soooo true. My taxes are paying for these lazy WWs and I don't like it at all!

"Ask the IRS b*tch Im paying for your healthcare"

Damn Nikki...aint that the truth

These are just my thoughts. Just the way that I feel personally. You don't have to agree with them. Some do, and some don't. And if you don't....

"its fine...it cost you nothing, pay me no mind"

Rings.Before.Babies.Movement

Here's a little something that I have been up to lately....
A couple friends that I went to Howard with and myself joined together to start the Rings.Before.Babies. Movement.
Its a rather simple movement.
Be a wife before you are some one's "baby mama"....for lack of a better phrase.
The movement wasn't put in place to judge or degrade people.
Its more of a motivational movement. What follows below is a conversation that took place on facebook about the importance of the movement and what it stands for...

Tahnesha Davis: Well if that's the case, MARRIAGE BEFORE SEX!! its only right, cus last time i checked anything is possible and can happen even if protection is involved. i guess it means have abortion and then start over in your sense
Marissa L. Charles: Anything can happen ? If birth control and condoms are used correctly, the chance of you getting pregnant, is low.
Abigail Shillingford: But what about the sex before marriage!!!to avoid all chances
Marissa L. Charles: Abstinence? Then go for it! I'm not preaching this from a religious point of view, so i don't know why you all are posing that option to me.
Tahnesha Davis: It's no preaching, just a point! Fact was regardless anything can happen, some things ppl can't prevent from happening
Marissa L. Charles: In 2011 Tahnesha, there are NUMEROUS ways to prevent pregnancy. Birth control, IUDs, Condoms, Cervix Caps, the list goes on, so lets agree to disagree.
Kenese Clay: I agree with Marissa, in 2011, there are too many options to simple say, "stuff happens". I am a firm believer in Rings before Babies. If a man decides that he likes me enough to make me the child of his mother than he should love me enough and respect me enough to make me his wife. And to make sure that happens, birth control and protection are used if there is sex involved.
Kenese Clay: So many people take it as offensive and get mad, but we are simply pushing something positive to the generations to come. Why wouldn't I preach to my younger sisters to not allow a young man to release his children into her and not respect ...her enough to make her his wife? I would be doing both her and that young man a dis-service. African American females are barely getting child support whereas other racial counter parts are getting rings. And why is that? Because people are offended when you say you should have a ring before you have a baby. And because these people are against the movement, the cycle continues. Single mothers raising children, who become teen, single parents, and than it starts all over again. Some women are strong enough to do it on their own and provide everything for their children, hell my mother did. But money canNOT buy everything and money can't teach a young boy to be a man. You need a father around. Your children can have all the worldly desires and still be empty because the one thing they yearn for, desire for, and need, a father, a family, cant be bought in stores.

_______________________________________________________
Any questions or comments...feel free to post them here! We love talking about the movement. And to read more about the movement and other things pertaining to the movement, you can also follow our blog at

http://www.ringsbeforebabies.tumblr.com/

Spread the word!
Rings.Before.Babies.
Its a movement!

Long Time Coming

Whew! I see I haven't written in a while! I have been a little busy bee! LOL...
I was going to continue to try and do the 30 day blog thing but too much time has passed and I simply can't blog as much as I want, so I'm not going to go further with that.
Sorry :(
In other, more pleasant news....IM MOVING!
WWWOOOOOOO!!!!
I was going to move with two close friends, but than other things came up, that I can not disclose, and so it's decided that I will be moving alone.
((Well that wasn't the immediate decision after discovering that I wasn't moving with my two friends, but that has been the final decision))
At first I was scared about actually living on my own, but now, not so much.
I'm still scared but I'm more excited than anything! lol
Its alot of responsibility, but I'm sure I will be fine.
I have been busy calling around and taking trips and making moves so that when I do move in, I will move in with furniture and all of my utilities cut on the same day I move in.
I'm so excited!
I'm so excited!
I'm moving closer to my job, which is great since it takes me two hours to commute to work every day each way!
lol....
I be dead a** tired by the time I make it to my mother's house.
So I'm ready, I'm ready! lol
The big moving day is next Friday, Jan 21st.
And my apartment warming(s)...yes I will be having two...
one for my co-workers and another for my friends and family...
will be the first week of Feb
so look out for invites people!
Did I already mention....
I'M SO EXCITED!
;0