Closer To My Dreams

"Yea...I remember me and, me and D used to talk about this stuff all the time, like what its gon be like when you get close to your dreams. I aint know much then, but i could probly tell you a lil somethin now"

We are in now in the month of Feb, and I graduate in May. I have less than three months here at HU...we dont count the month of May and we have alot of days out of school this sem and we have spring break...which is how there is less than three months left.
And I have been ranting and raving about how Im so ready to graduate, and leave Howard and get home to Jonathan, that I forgot about what I would be leaving behind! Which is my friends here at HU. I have a lot of people that I hang with and chill with, all from different states, and it dawned on me today ((dont know why it took so long really lol))...that after this year, I may very well never see these awesome people again in my life! Sure I will see some if I come back to HU for homecomings and to visit and whatnot, and some I will even invite to like my wedding and stuff...but the majority of these people that I share classrooms with, I wont see again. And this does saddens me a bit.
I like being able to access these people and call them up and they meet me on campus or we have a nice convo in a class. I will truly miss these things. And this year I am and have gotten close to some amazing people so far and I dont want to leave them! I swear these past four years have really passed me by! I was so focused on moving forward that I forgot to enjoy the present and the precious moments that I have now.
I have had some good times here at Howard and some bad times, and also some good memories and I will miss it all. Now I see how those seniors felt when they werent quite ready to leave and face the real world. I wish I could take HU and all of my friends and people whose company I enjoy back with me to Chicago, but I cant. Besides, where would all those people stay? Not with me and Jonathan! He would have a fit! LOL
I sure will miss my times at Howard and esp the people I shared those times with. I will be at every reunion and try to make as many trips back to DC and to other places to visit people as much as my schedule ((and Jonathan)) will allow me. Time dont go back, it goes forward, cant run from the pain go towards it. I wish I would have slowed down these past years and really enjoy HU and got all that I should have gotten from it...but I cant dwell on the past. Can only enjoy the time that I have here now, and I plan on doing so from here on out.
Although May 8, 2010 is rapidly approaching and I am getting closer to my dreams, this is a bittersweet feeling for me.
"Bittersweet, you're going to be the death of me, I dont want you, but I need you, I love you and hate you at the very same time"...and this is def how I feel about my relationship with Howard!

Snow Day! Snow Day!

The city of Washington, DC experienced a big snow storm over the weekend. The big blizzard of 2010 they are calling it. It is now Monday, it stopped snowing on Saturday! Why the hell aren't the streets plowed, salt put down, and public transportation running properly?! Grrrrrrr!!!! Now I don't mind the snow days, because classes got canceled today and tomorrow. But the problem with being snowed in in DC, is that you are really snowed in! Nothing is open! And the metro trains are only going to stops that are underground, which limits where you can go. Today I was waiting for a train for over an hour! This is unacceptable! Esp when it snowed over 48 hours ago! I feel like the snow is a problem here for one reason only, the officials of DC don't prepare for the snow! Instead of putting salt down, and getting the plow trucks out and people shoveling as soon as the snow stops, or even when it is coming down, people decide to raid and loot stores! I swear people in DC are acting like this is Y2K! Shheeessshhh!!!
I went into Target today and the shelves were completely empty! There wasn't even the basics like bread, eggs, and milk! It was all gone! This is sad, very sad!
Although I am from Chicago and we get snow frequently we haven't had this much snow in Chicago in a while. We got 22 inches over the weekend. We don't usually have snow days in Chicago, because as soon as the storm hits, the trucks are out plowing and salt is being thrown down. Schools are still open and people still report to work, snow does not stop nor slow anything down! Snow does NOT equal anthrax! Which is exactly how people in DC are acting right now!
My dear friend LaKendra, who also attends Howard and is also from Chicago put in best when she stated, "Dear D.C. seriously... This snow could have been gone, instead of fretting when you found out the storm was coming, you should have been preparing. Throw down some rock salt before the snow so it wont stick when it comes! Plow the roads after snow has landed! First it was how to run a country now its how to handle snow...Must we Chicagoans teach you everything?!"
And I agree!
Now DC, we gon give you one more chance to make this up to us! It's suppose to snow another 6 to 10 inches tomorrow night into Wednesday afternoon. The city knows this snow is coming, lets do something to prepare for it! Lets get the trucks rolling and the salt down as soon as the first flake falls! Now I really hope they are able to get things under control, because both I and some friends are mine have traveling plans this weekend, we have moves to make. It would sure be nice to be able to follow through with those. I will truly appreciate it Mother Nature, city of Washington, DC and last but not least God. Please make this happen!

Spoken Word Is the Auto-tone of Poetry....

"Spoken word is the auto-tone of poetry"....this is what one of my teachers told me. I am currently in a poetry class here at my last sem at HU. It's called Creative Writing Poetry. My teacher, Tony Medina is completely OD, but he's still cool and I like his teaching style ((sometimes lol)). He pushes us to write with imaginary and to make the words come alive. He also encourages us to read more books about poetry and the flow of it and the techniques behind it.
I used to write and perform spoken word my freshmen and sophomore years here at Howard, but because of my work schedule and heavy class schedule, I had to stop because I no longer had the time. But I do still appreciate good poetry when I come across it. I recently went to a public library here in DC, to get a book for another class, and I ended up picking up a book of love poems by Nikki Giovanni. And there are several poems in there that once I read, I immediately knew that was the way I felt about Jonathan....soooo....for a couple of blogs I will be posting poems by Nikki Giovanni and probably other poets throughout the sem as I continue on throughout the course...so just hang in there with me....here it goes!!!!!
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Love Is

Some people forget that love is
tucking you in and kissing you "Good night"
no matter how young or old you are

Some people don't remember that love is
listening and laughing and asking questions
no matter what your age

Few recognize that love is
commitment responsibility no fun at all
unless

Love is
You and me

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And I Have You

Rain has drops Sun as shine
Moon has beams That make you mine

Rivers have banks Sands for shores
Hearts have heartbeats That make me yours

Needles have eyes Though pins may prick
Elmer has glue To make things stick

Winter has Spring Stockings feet
Pepper has mint To make it sweet

Teachers have lessons Soup du jour
Lawyers sue bad folks Doctors cure

All and all this much is true
You have me And I have you

V Day!!!!

Valentine's Day is in a week and a half. A lot of people, esp females that I know, dislike the holiday. Is is because they don't have someone special to share it with? Bad V-Days in the past? I have been blessed to have not been presented with experiences that will cause me to have a bad lingering after math taste of me for V Day like some people I know. Even in the past, I've always had someone, even if I was single, do something for me on Valentine's Day. I have been blessed I know. I have never really had a bad V Day. But that's the past....no time to dwell on that.

This Valentine's Day, I believe, will mark the beginning of very special Valentine's Days here on out and years to come. Not because I know I'm getting something special, I don't even know if I will get anything at all this year lol, times are tight and I know this....but all of my Valentine's from here on out will be spent with Jonathan. I treasure all the time that I have with him. And to share a special holiday just for lovers with him, it special to me. So in all honesty, even if he just gives me a kiss and a hand made card, I will love it and appreciate it. The fact that I am sharing my time with him on that day, is special enough for me. That's how I know I truly love him...I don't care if I get a gift, he is my gift lol

Yeah I'm a sap and a sucker for love...all that good ish. But Jonathan made me this way, and I wouldn't have it any other way to tell you the truth.

I hope you guys and gals, find someone special to spend the holiday with. Even if it is not a significant other, spend it with a friend or even family members. What makes holidays in general so memorable, is the people you spend it with and the memories you acquire because of that time spend together.

Be safe and enjoy the holiday.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Adoption vs Abortion

"See everybody at the door ain't got a key. You on the outside looking in, now tell me what you see"
A friend of mine and I were watching the TV series Teen Mom. Teen Mom is basically a show that shows these young girls who have children at 16. They follow the girls and their lives from the time the girls are in their third trimester, give birth, and up until the child turns 1 year old. This season was a good one, in my opinion. There were four girls on there. Maci and her son, Bentley. Amber and her daughter Leah, Farrah and her daughter Sophia, and Catelynn and her daughter Carly. Although I could write on these four girls all day lol...this blog will be discussing Catelynn and Tyler (her boyfriend/baby's father) situation. Tyler and Catelynn gave their daughter Carly up for adoption. My friend and I were having a debate on adoption and abortion shorty after the show went off.
She felt as though Catelynn and Tyler should have kept their child, struggled with her, and raised her alone. I felt that the young couple made the correct decision. Both her and I felt that although abortion is your choice, we are both pro-life, so Catelynn not getting an abortion was a good thing in our opinion. Catelynn and Tyler were dirt poor, living in a tailor home, and lived with their parents. Tyler's Dad was married to Catelynn's Mom ((I don't even know why Tyler and Catelynn were dating and having sex than! Maybe they got bored and decided to do it, Idk lol...but anyways....)) It wasn't exactly the best environment to be raising a child. It could have been done....
But Catelynn and Tyler decided to find a perfect family for Carly, a couple that could give her everything that they could not give her....mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally and financially. Nor did they have a support system themselves. The only family they had were individual parents who were now married to each other, who did not support Catelynn and Tyler upon the disclosure of Catelynn's pregnancy. In fact, the parents moved out and Catelynn and Tyler were forced to try to find a way to make it on their own.
Adoption, in my opinion, when done right, is the most selfless act a mother could do for her child, esp when the act is done for the best for the children. Simply giving your child to a foster home or orphanage in my opinion is different from adoption. Adoption, to me, is when the biological parents set out to find a fit couple for their child. And a lot of adoptions are sometimes closed, but Catelynn and Tyler decided to keep theirs open. So they get pictures and updates about Carly ever three months or so.
I can't say what I will or wont do when faced with a situation like pregnancy when in a situation such as Catelynn and Carly's. Esp when I look at movies such as Pursuit of Happyness when Will Smith was living in a shelter with his son and sleeping on the floor in a public restroom in a train station. I can not even begin to image what to do, how to think, what to feel. But in a situation so bad, I would not want my child to be exposed to that struggle of me having nothing and living in a shelter.
Everyone isn't strong enough for adoption, abortion, or raising a child. Different people have different degrees of strength, and what they can and cannot take and/or sacrifice in their life. Watching that show taught me a humbling experience and here I was thinking I was just watching it to be entertained. It taught me to be thankful for my parents, grandparents, and their struggles to raise me and get me to where I am today and for their continuing support. Lord knows I could have been Carly, or one of the Carlys of the world, but I wasn't and I'm not.
I try harder now to not judge a person so quickly, esp if I don't have all of the facts and background behind their story, which you usually don't, because people disclose to you what they want you to know about them. Adoption or abortion, what would you do?

How Come....

"How come we don't even talk no more And you don't even call no more We don't barely keep in touch at all And I don't even feel the same love when we hug no more And I heard it through the grape vine we even beefin now After all the years we been down Aint no way no how, this bullshit can't be true We family and aint a damn thing changed, unless it's you"
This is currently how I am feeling. I'm in the last semester of my senior year, and it troubles me that the friends that I had my freshmen year, close friends of mine, are either not my friends anymore or we aren't as close.And people tell me all the time that friends grow apart, and that as you grow older, you don't lose friends you just learn who the real ones are....and even though I know this to be true...sometimes it just hurts my heart. I have a hard outer interior, but once I let you in, I let you in. And I don't let alot of people in, esp females, so if I do, it saddens me when I grow apart from someone, or we stop being friends for whatever reason. See I have this habit of being my all into these "friendships"...and though I've already found it to be a fact, I could never really get with giving my loyalty and friendship and my being whole heartdly and not getting that shit back.It just saddens me. I learn not to live with regrets and that everything happens for a reason.....but sometimes, times like this, when I'm alone in my room, in the wee hours of the morning, I wonder how come? Was it me? Was [EYE] not a good friend? Did I change with the seasons? And I have come to realize, that no, it's not me. I don't hold grudges, I retain memories.Good memories, and I want it back....but a friendship, just like any other relationship, is a two way street.
"I changed huh? You got a phone, pick it up, call me ..."
So does this mean that we werent real friends to begin with?

Haiti....

I really don't know what to say about the earthquake in Haiti. When I first heard the news, on the radio, I was like, OK, it's not that bad. But than there was details given, so much destroyed, so many missing, and the images are heartbreaking and devastating. I can not even BEGIN to IMAGINE how they are feeling over there. My heart hurts every time I see an image or hear in great numbers so many people missing.
This is def a time when people need to come together and do all that they can. This is an unbelievable disaster. And sometimes it makes you wonder why would God allow such a thing to happen. However, now isn't the time to question God, now is the time to look to and for Him.
Somehow my problems that I thought I was having, with Howard, with my family, with Jonathan, with law school, with anything, appears to be so insignificant compared to what they are experiencing in Haiti, broken bodies, losing family members, no food, no running water, nowhere to live....and to tell the truth, it really is.
I am watching Hope for Haiti benefit concert and tears keep springing to my eyes. This is def a sad and trying time. Even if people don't donate, prayer is free, and I pray for them every night. Haiti won't be fine overnight, but the process of healing has to start now, one prayer at a time.

Weep for Haiti, help Haiti, pray for Haiti.