Water Bill Too High???

My pastor once said, "the grass isn't green on the other side, its green where you water it"...and nothing has ever made more sense to me in my life. It means focus on working on your own ish, your own grass instead of focusing on what someone else has....
Let me break down for yall....
You know how people always think that things are better on the other side of the fence? For example, you may look at one couple and feel like they are perfect, they never fight, they live together, you never hear about any arguments they have, he treats her like an angel supposedly, and you want that....you wonder well what would it be like to be over there on the other side of the fence in that perfect relationship? What you fail to realize, is that their grass may look green but you don't know how much their water bill is! Yeah, their relationship may look perfect to you, but you don't know at what costs that it takes for them to appear that way. They could have put years into working things out in their relationship. Maybe that man was a cheating, lying, abusive bastard and that woman left him for several years, and when they got back together when he got his stuff together and knew how to treat her like a real woman. Would you be willingly to go through her struggle of paying that high ass "water bill" to get her perfectly green grass that she seems to have now?
And this could be said about anything. Say you envy that beautiful girl on campus, she has the perfect body and she is flawless and always on point, but what if she puts in mad hours at the gym to get that perfect body and she has perfected the art of hair and make up after several years...are you willingly to take the time to learn that skill?
What I'm trying to say, is that you cant want what other people have unless you are willingly to do what they did to get where they at/what they have. Everything comes at a price, and some people are willingly to pay a higher prices than others, perhaps yourself will.
So the next time you envy what someone else has and you think that their grass is greener on the side, remember to keep in mind their water bill to pay for that green grass. And maybe, if you are willingly to pay, the grass on the other side wont be greener, it will be green where you water your own grass. If you put work into your own grass and not focus on envying someone else, your grass will be greener....remember, "the grass isn't green on the other side, it's green where you water it"....

Too Cute!!!

I dont usually post stuff about celebs, like gossip and all that other ish...but this was waayyyy too cute to pass up! So just watch the video and enjoy because I did.

Oh To Be A Kid Again

I know I have been quite on a hiatus lol...but I have been busy!!! This is the home stretch, only 6 weeks left to graduation and it is grind time baby! Anywhooo, more about that later....

So for my Poetry class I had to write a 30 page anthology. Yeah, I said 30! Yeah, that's alot right! lol....But it wasn't that bad, just very tedious because of the small bs that the teacher required us to do. We had to pick a theme and collect poems that catered to that theme. We had to get the paper bounded and everything, couldn't turn it in stapled. Gotta love this class right ((I'm def being sarcastic))
But anywhoo, the theme I picked was to be a kid again. I picked this theme because too often do we rush to be adults. We want that sense of independence and not having to listen to anyone because "you are grown". But with gaining this independence, you lose your innocence and a freedom from real responbilites. You gain having the options of making your own decisions, but you lose having the option to blame your parents or anyone else for the consequences of your decisions if you don't like the outcome.
You gain being able to have your own things, cell phone, house, etc etc, and you do as you please. But you lose having your parents for those things. I never realized how much toothpaste and tissue actually cost before living on my own and paying my own bills. We take things like that for granted all the time.
And children these days are in a rush to grow up even faster than I was a pre-teen and teenager. They rush to become adults by doing things like having sex, having boyfriends, smoking weed, doing other drugs, and drinking. What's the rush? All of that will be waiting for you when you get older, once you finally get there.
No one ever takes the time and just enjoy their child hood anymore. And it is very sad. I hear stories everyday about how children as young as 11 and 12 are having sex, with older guys of course, and children as young as 14 getting pregnant or having children! They are still merely children themselves and now they have someone else to be responsible for!
Some things you deal with as a child because that's your world. You deal with things such as petty fights with your best friend, who sits next to who on the bus, who is going to be on the end in a game of rope. Save the adult problems like sex, pregnancy, drugs, fist fights, and family issues for the time that is meant for them to be dealt with.
And what's funny is that the same people who rush to grow up and make their own rules, once they reach adulthood and deal with the consequences of their actions and rules, they want to be children again and deal with those carefree problems that went away by the time you woke up for school the next day.
Some things once gone, you can never get back, ever! And your childhood is one of them! So please cherish it while you can!


Over spring break I went home and just spent time with my family. No, I really did spend time with my family. Yeah I was with Jonathan alot, that is expected, but I sat and talked with my younger sisters, helped my younger brother Cristian with his homework, took him to my younger cousin Taylor's birthday party and stayed with him the whole time, I spend time with my god-daughter Zaria, and I talked with my other younger brother James before he went back down south for college ((Alcorn State University in Mississippi)). And I can honestly say between the petty arguments and shout fests, I enjoyed my time home. Me and my chocolate drop ((18 year old sister)) even starting teaching my younger sister Kenae how to turn and jump double dutch ((who's 10)). And that's what she should be doing at 10 & 11, learning how to jump rope, not sex or rolling a blunt! But we had fun and me and my chocolate even took some turns ourselves. The pictures are below. Enjoy!
ps-Cherish your childhood while you still can.

Black History Month

"I have a scar on my back I got when I was a slave...You have people out there with this scar on their brains..."

I waited until the last day of February to write about Black History month because I really wanted to see if the entire month would go by without anyone saying anything about our race's entire month, and it sadly, it did. I am so disappointed with our generation current state. They are so lazy and will settle for anything, even if it means compromising a piece of themselves for that. Throughout this entire month, I saw very little people even mention anything at all about Black History month. It was a trending topic on twitter for about a day and that was it. Did people forget that this is our heritage month? Did they forget all that we went through to get where we are? Why forget what our ancestors went through? Their pain, their struggle, their sacrifice, their embarrassment and humiliation? But most important, their achievements? Without our forefathers doing what they have done before our time, NO ONE would be in the state that they are in now! So why hasn't there by a celebration of some sort? A festival? A poetry speaking even?
My generation and the generation after me, sad to say, is just too damn complacent where we are. They figured because we have come this far, we have a black president, that we have arrived and that we can simply disregard everything that took place before our time, even though that is exactly what got us where we are today. THAT WOULD BE THE DUMBEST SHIT IVE HEARD IN A LONG ASS TIME!
You never should feel like we've come far enough, that we have done enough. Yes we have come a long way, but we still, in fact, have a long way to go! It saddens my heart when our youth, our Black community, lets the entire month of February just slip on by them without giving thanks of knowledge to all those before us. It saddens me. Sometimes I feel hopeful for our race but other times, times like this, when I see that we still have alot of work to do and no one is willingly to give a helping hand....I lose a little bit of faith in my heart. Where are our leaders of tv of this generation? Lil Wayne, Drake, Gucci, J. Cole, they are cool, they are nice artists....but leaders of the African American race, they are NOT.
As an entire race, we HAVE to do better. No, we MUST do better. If we disregard a month that is dedicated to us and we are African American, how do you feel the white counter parts will feel? Yes we took a giant step forward by having a (half) black president in office, but we also have taken ten small steps back by simply not celebrating our history, knowing our history, and acknowledging this month for what it is.
I am sadly disappointed.
Black people, four words: WE MUST DO BETTER.
If we want a better future for our youth, we have to make those changes and make it happen. We already know from our history that NOTHING is given to us! We have to demand it and fight for it. Why would things be any different now?

Leadership For America & The Global Community

Our Howard University Student Association (SGA) President, Bryan Smart , introducing President Barack Obama as he signs an executive order to strengthen the capacity of and increase access to Federal funding for the Nations Historically Black Colleges and Universities. February 26, 2010.

Some people think that HBCUs arent as creditable in education as our white counter parts. People feel like we aren't diverse enough. How can you go out and be diverse in other cultures, when you aren't aware of the diversity in your very own culture first? I have met and mingled with people in all forms of the Black race...Haitians, Africans in many forms, etc etc. Once I had a talk with an aunt of mine, who expressed that she feels like people just don't appreciate HBCU's anymore, they feel like there is no need for them. HBCU's were birthed because African Americans were denied education at White institutions. Once we were allowed to indulge in education with our white counter parts, HBCU's were still around to give African Americans a vital education about their history, along with the same education that white Americans were receiving all while being comfortable around other African Americans who wanted the same things that individual did....success, respect, and a good quality education.

Now that African Americans can get all of this, (expect for a vital and through education of our very own history) at White institutions today, people feel that there is no need for HBCUs. I am so glad that President Obama disagrees with these people! Last Friday, HBCU leader and student body president, Bryan Smart was given an opportunity to introduce President Obama as he signed the HBCU Initiative making more money and support from the federal government!

And I am so proud that I go to Howard University! I am so proud of my fellow student body, and president of Howard University Student Association (HUSA) Bryan. He is a great and intelligent individual with plans for progress for the black community. I am proud to have known, networked, and had a friend in Bryan. People like him and President Obama breathes a new hope of progress into the African American community.

Thank God Bryan Smart and President Obama doesn't feel the same way that modern people do about HBCUs. Howard University equals the Black Harvard. And although Howard has it problems, every school/college does, I am proud to say that I went here and will be an alumni of this great university.

Thank you Bryan and Barack for believing in HBCUs and keeping the hope and faith alive. Thank you!

Howard University, always at the... forefront of excellence. "Leadership for America and the Global Community!"

Rambling Thoughts

At times, I find myself having just random thoughts in my mind. Sometimes I stress over things, esp things I cant control and I have to remind my thoughts to slow down from racing at 360 per hour to a normal speed. Sometimes I lay in my bed, trying to fall asleep, restless, tossing and turning, and EVERYTHING runs through my brain. And it goes a little something like this:
What if I don't do well in law school?
Maybe I should take a year off before going to law school.
Maybe I am too hard on my mother.
Maybe I am too soft on my father.
Maybe I don't show my grandmother enough love and appreciation.
I wonder what Jonathan is dreaming about.
I wonder if Pavielle is sleep.
I swear the worst feeling in the world is a broken heart.
Why aren't I friends with some of my friends anymore, was it something I did?
Why are girls these days so stupid? I mean I know I been stupid in love before, but if you know you need to get out of the situation because it's bad for you, why are you staying? You are creating problems for yourself at this point.
How will Jonathan and I wedding be?
I know I will cry at the alter.
Tears are coming to my eyes now thinking about us getting married.
How will Jonathan and I first apartment be.
What will life be life after law school and I have passed the bar.
When will Jonathan and I be ready for a child.
How painful is labor....can I go through it more than once?
Dear God, thank you for waking Jonathan up this morning, me up this morning, both sides of my family and Jonathan's family. Thank you for waking us all up in our right mind and in good health. Thank you for getting us throughout the day and protecting us all from dangers and harm both seen and unseen.
Please Lord keep me on the straight path and following in your footsteps.
Please take all ill feelings, hatred, and jealousy from my heart, I am trying everyday to be more humble.
Thank you for bringing Jonathan into my life for he is truly a great blessing. Please continue to us give us strength, endurance, faith, and hope for these next three months while I'm here at Howard and for the rest our lives together.
Amen.
Is Jonathan too good to be true?
I really love that man with all my heart.
What if he hadn't come into my life. Would I still be with my ex.
Does Jonathan ever think about his ex?
How am I going to get this paper done tomorrow? Why did I wait this late to start.
Ugh I wish this sem was over already.
Wait, no I don't, because I will miss my friends.
I will miss Howard, not the problems.
Why cant I sleep.
I want some noodles, but I love the way my dad makes them for me. His taste the best because he makes them with love and I can swear I can taste it.
I wish Jonathan was here to make me a cheeseburger and some fries, just like how he used to in the summer.
I need to start working out but I'm lazy and don't really have the dedication to do such a thing.
I like not working, but not really depending on Jonathan for everything.
I cant wait til we are married.
I want to go home. I wish I was home and in bed with him right now.
I wish we had USA, I want to watch Law and Order.
I cant go to sleep watching Snapped because than it will sink into my dreams.
I wonder what couples at Howard are going to do once they both graduate and they aren't from the same place.
I wonder is anyone up and on twitter? How about fb?
Why aren't I sleep yet?
I really wish girls today wouldn't be so stupid.
I hate Rihanna song Rude Boy...but I love her song Stupid In Love...go figure
I need to download new music for my Ipod
I love music, it soothes my soul.
I wish I didn't have this one tat sometimes, but you leave and learn.
I have to remind Jonathan to pay my phone bill.
I wonder what people are going to get me as graduation gifts.
People want love and relationships but don't want the work that is required that comes with it, than they don't really want it.
I wish I had someone to talk to at 3am. I could call Jonathan but he has to get up for work at 6:30am and that wouldn't be fair to him.
Why haven't I heard anything about the HUH ball? Bison ball? I need to know so Jonathan can come up here and escort me to the ball.
I want to watch Ray, too bad Jonathan has it.
This school year went by fast. Matter of fact, these last four years flew by.
I want some lemon cake.
And a milkshake.
Why didn't I go out tonight? But clubbin and partying is so overrated.
I want me and Jonathan to go on a cruise this summer....maybe for our one year anniversary? But how we would top each year after that?
Why do I love that man?
Why didn't we start dating sooner?
I wonder when we will have our first child.
I wonder how my single friends with kids and not with their baby daddy feel about me and Jonathan relationship.
I wonder who be writing in my formspring.
I wonder who by looking at my fb page.
I wonder who be reading my blogs.
I know I have stalkers, I feel almost honored, but than again, they are being in my business.
Sometimes I wish I was a kid again.
Why was I in such a rush to grow up?
Being an adult sucks sometimes.
I wonder what Cristian is doing...is Huda sleep....Kenae sleep? My mom on the phone? James in the room with some girl?
I wish I had all the seasons of Nip/Tuck right now.
I love The Game...I really wish BET would start a new season already!
What if I'm not ready for law school?

Than the panic attacks start and I have to control myself, calm down and convince myself to slow down my breathing.....
and that's usually when I turn on the tv, to Cartoon Network and the thoughts slow down and I drift off to LaLa Land.....

My Brain Has Already Graduated!!!!

With less than 11 weeks left to graduation, I am trying my hardest to push through. This is so funny and ironic to me....I sailed through my first three and a half years here at Howard....and I kept rushing graduation to come along, and here I am so close to the deadline and I feel like I'm getting flat lined!

I can not focus on anything! There are so many rambling thoughts in my mind that I cant even seem to organize them....and I am a very organized person! I know it may seem like I'm fine to the outsiders, but I'm going crazy in my mind. It is 5am right now, and I am suppose to be working on a 24 page midterm that is due tomorrow, I have a test later on today in one class and a brief homework assignment due in another!

I wont even begin to mention what I have missed in my Creative Writing Poetry class! I went home for V day, and I was only suppose to stay for the weekend....I ended up staying a week and half. And I could blame Jonathan, but he's not the problem. Taking a week off from classes wasn't the problem either because I actually got some work done at home....I cant even pin point the problem actually....

All that I know is that I am tired of school! I am so over it! Like a friend said today on twitter, "my mind has graduated already". This is truly how I feel. As my friend Joel would say, I have a oh so bad case of Senioritis...and it is slowly killing me!

The days are moving so fast, they are all such a blur! Sometimes I feel like I am so behind in my life!

I was excited before hand about going to law school in the fall but I seriously have been thinking lately about taking a year off. I have been in school from pre-school straight up to my college career. To be in school from the age of four up to twenty one is a very long time. I think I may need a break because I def do not want to enter law school with this type of attitude....If I do, I feel like I would be setting myself up for failure....

If I do take a year, I have to be sure that I don't get comfortable and one year turns into three, which turns in six and before I know it, I'm approaching fifty years old and I never made it to law school.

This is a very tough decision. But I have been praying on it, and I am leaning toward the Lord for guidance....

As soon as I make the decision, I'm sure I will feel better because right now I just feel like I'm under a lot of pressure....

Hopefully things will get better.

Scratch that, I KNOW things will get better....they always get better in time.

Dear Lord,

I'm not praying to you or begging you for a lighter load, just a stronger back. I know you brought me this far and you wouldn't leave me here right now to fend for myself. I know you are by my side even when I feel you are not and that I am at my very lowest, you are there....and when I stop seeing two sets of foot prints in the sand...I know it is not because you left my side, but because you carried me for a while....

Sincerely

Kenese