Regret

Looking back, I regret doing some things that I have done in the past. There are some things I regret not doing when I had the chance. If I had a chance, there are some things I would do over altogether. I just live with these regrets and try and make things better as I continue on in this life of mine. But there are certainly some things I would change of my past, if I could........

If I Knew Than...

I hear the phrase, "If I knew than what I know now...."and this could not be anymore true for me right now.
Going through my senior year and trying to juggle everything else with my work for my classes, is a real struggle. I just received my lsat score back, and Im not as pleased as I thought I was going to be. At first I was thinking about doing Teach For America and putting law school on the back burner for two years. Teaching children was never in the plans for me, but it may very well be a back up plan. Teach For America will pay for law school and its entirety, and in return I will have to teach children in proverty for two years. My only problem is that I dont know if I want to put law school on the back burner for two years.
I really wish sometimes that I could go back in time and start all over again. Just be a freshmen at Howard Univeristy and do my undergrad experience all over again. I wish I knew as a freshmen, what I know now as a senior and maybe my senior year and this transition wouldnt be so difficult for me.
Now by all means, I am not complaining at all. I am very blessed to be in the position that I am with, with my struggles and all, but sometimes it gets to be too much.
As a told a peer earlier, I cant go back in time, I can only push forward. And I have to continue to push foward and I will do so. Just wish I knew back than what I know now.
"Back in the day when I was young, Im not a kid anymore, but some days I sit and wish I was a kid again"
Man aint that the truth!

Burning Bridges

Someone once told me the hardest thing in life is deciding which bridges to cross and which to burn. However, when you decide these things, you must keep in mind that the bridges you want to burn you don't need the people on the other side. Don't burn bridges if you know you can't swim. If you know you will need that person and/or that connections that that the person offers, than don't cut that person off completely...but keep them at a distance.
I regret cutting off some of the people that I have cut off but not because I feel like I will need them later on down the road. Just miss the friendships sometimes, but I realized that although we were friends for an amount of time, our lives were going in different directions and it was time to part, thus those bridges had to be burned. Jonathan's aunt always tells us that in order for two people to walk together, they must agree. When the people don't agree...that's when its time for the bridges to burn.
Burning bridges may be a good or bad thing, depends on how and why the bridges were burned. And you will see the results of whether it is in the long run. So choose your bridges wisely!

Mr. Houston

Now anyone that knows me, know that I love, love, LOVE....MUSIC! It is the soundtrack to my life! Music picks up where words stop! I like all types of music, country, pop, hip hop, r&b, all that good ish! But this blog will be about one artist in particular, Marques Houston.
I will not lie, I am not a die hard IMX or Marques Houston, I only have a couple of his songs on my Ipod, and they are the songs on the radio, like "Circle" ((classic by the way)), "Naked", "Because Of You" and "Sex With You"....however, I recently listened to his new album Mr. Houston and I cannot like, I have to admit that I love it!
However I am disappointed a bit. This album was not promoted nor marketed very well and as a result, this wonderful album will not get the credit that it truly deserves! Im disappointed because his album dropped in Sept of this year and I knew nothing about it! Didn't even hear a single from it! I found out that he had a new album because I saw it on the Wendy Williams show ((yes I watch that show, I have a love/hate relationship with it lol)). And I just found out that he had a video for his single "Date" which I really enjoy, and I knew nothing about! So I decided to give it a listen.....Mr. Houston, Mr. Houston....
I really, really like the flow and style of this album. I honestly enjoy all of the tracks, and some just speak to me personally. For example, his song, "Case of You"...he sings,
"Girl, I'm feeling like I'm coming down with a case of you.
Now it started in my head but it trickled down to my shoes.
I feel so weak, so hard to breathe.
But it seems to only happen when you leave, girl.
Ain't nobody ever had me feeling quite like you do.
I'm coming down with a case of you"
and that's exactly how I feel about My Godiva Baby ((Jonathan))...enough said! lol
But than there is his song, "Date"...he tells the girl he not trying no funny business, not trying to sleep with her, just trying to take her on a DATE and get to know her better as an individual...which I feel more guys need to be like. Our generation has gotten away from it's roots and has settled under this blanet of ignorance...and things arent the way they were suppose to be anymore....
Mr. Houston shows that there are some young men out there who have not forgotten how to treat a lady....and he lets you know he does in such songs are "Restaurant" and "Beautiful Woman". And he describes how he gets a rush of feelings for a certain girl in his song, "Excited". He also goes into detail over the fight that he has with himself over loving his ex even though he know he shouldnt because she's no good for him in his song, "Letter"...
I dont usually judge and grade albums, because that is an artist's creative outlet, but this album just took me by surpise. So much that I was moved to write about it! I love this album and MH has my support! This album def gets an A+ in my book! I encourage all to go out and get this album!

Scared Of Lonely

"I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely, I'm scared of lonely"
Too often do women feel like this. They are scared to be alone, well lonely. But alone does not always equal lonely. How can you expect someone to love you for who you are, if you don't know who you are in the first place. Why are you scared to be alone? Are you scared to be alone with your thoughts? You will be stuck with your flaws and short comings?
But here is the thing....EVERYONE HAS FLAWS AND NO ONE IS PERFECT! Even when it may seem like a certain someone is perfect, believe me, they are not. The grass is not greener on the other side, it's green where you water it. Yeah, the girl next door green may look green and healthy, but you dont know how much her water bill is and to what cost she has to go through in order to get it paid.
Some females are so afraid to be alone, with themselves, that they will settle for ANY man. He can be a HALF OF A BOY, not even a man, but they will keep him around because they are scared to grow old alone. Why? Don't you know by keeping this boy around you just may very well be blocking your blessing of allowing a real man to come into your life.
If the good is outweighing the bad, and I mean, really outweighing it, than you have to let that relationship go. God gives us signs that certain people are not for us, yet we see the signs and ignore them. Yeah, we sometimes choose to live in a selective reality. And we have to stop this because the only one that is getting hurt in the end, is us, well you in that case. There are so many girls ((some are friends, some are just girls I know, and some are girls that I dont even like, but Im not a hater and I give credit where credit is due)) that can do better and they dont. Simply because they are afraid to be single, because to them, single equals alone which equals lonely. Well if you enjoy the person that you are always with ((which is yourself)) you can never be lonely! And if you have great friends, you will never be lonely either!
I know sometimes you want more than yourself, and more than friends, but at what cost? Your health, your sanity, your pride, your image? What lengths will you go thru just to keep a boy? In the end, you will realize, that you were already alone in that relationship, so just cut the dead weight and free yourself for someone good to come along. Believe me sweetie, just like you got him, you can get someone else, and someone that is better. Please know your worth, because if you don't, you will sell yourself short every time!!!
"I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of be the only shadow I see along a wall"
But sometimes, one healthy shadow, is better than two sickly shadows....think about it....
would you rather be alone or play the role of the broken hearted girl?
Yeah you have a man, but he comes with all these problems, other girls, drama, baby mommies, kids ((other than yours)), no job, refuse to grow up, and just cant seem to be faithful.
The only reason I feel I can speak on this subject is because I been there, done that, got the t shirt and will not be going on that road trip again. And if I can do it, I know these other girls can. You never know how strong you have to be untl being strong is the only choice you have....
but that's a choice that you have to make on your end....
To be alone or play the role of the broken hearted girl over and over again?
I am blessed to say that I'm not longer in that situation where I have to pick between those two....but when I was....
I picked to be alone

and take a look at me now......

It Couldve Been Me!!!!

" It could've been ME, with no clothes or shoes and no food to eat, It could've been me without your love Lord tell me where would I be....I just can't thank you enough no matter how hard I try, Jesus I realize it could've been ME"
What is the true meaning of Thanksgiving? To give thanks right! Some people often take the things that they have in their life for granted, and I will not lie, I am one of those people. I complain and nag alot about what's wrong in my life and don't take the time to acknowledge all the good as much as I should.
It is very true that I have problems, but it could def be much worst than what it is. I am blessed with good health, my sanity, friends, family, a fiance, a good education,a job, I don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from, I have shelter, good clothes, shoes, and even purses and accessories of all sorts. I will be blessed with the opportunity to go to law school in the fall and than after that blessed to be able to have a career in my choice of field.

I think now a days people are so focused on what they don't have and trying to get what they don't have, that they fail to see all of the good things that they already do have right in front of them. People fail to appreciate their current blessings. And that must stop before it is all taken away.
I originally was about to write on another topic but something moved me to write this one. It is 4am, I have to get up for work at 8am. There is no reason I should be up, because I'm def NOT doing any Black Friday shopping, too many people and I don't like crowds! Ugh! I am blessed to not have to go through that! But here I am writing this...they say if you want to hear the Lord laugh, tell HIM what YOUR plan is...I know the Lord is chucking at me right now than....
LBS ((Laughing But Serious))
I am also thankful for my struggles, trials and tribulations. For if I did not go through what I did in my past, I would not be where I am today. Like A. Keys said in her song Lesson Learned, "Life's perfect aint perfect if you don't know what the struggles for. Falling down aint falling down if you don't cry when you hit the floor. It's called the past, cause I'm getting pass and I aint nothing like I was before...you outta see me now. Yes I was burned but I called it a Lesson Learned"
Jeeeezzz I love that song!
Anywhooo lol....
The point is, be thankful for what you have and what you don't have. You have what you have for a reason and you also have what you do not have for a reason. Everything isn't for everybody, and God has a different plan for you. Be thankful for the blessings you had, the blessings you have now and for the blessings to come. When I pray, I thank God for the blessings I deserve and have earned and for those that I know I didn't deserve but he gave to me anyway! Now that is an awesome God right there!
I just thank the Lord, because it couldve been me! And I will try my best to make a conscious effort to not complain and nag so much because it could always be worst. And I will try my best to appreciate what I have in front of me. Can't make any promises, but I will put forth an effort to try! ;)
Happy Turkey Day of 2009!

Can You Help Me????

"My piece of bread only belongs to me when I know that everyone else has a share, and that no one starves while I eat." Which is how the world suppose to be. We, as human beings, and esp African Americans I feel, should always be willingly to help the next person, esp if you are in the condition in which you can help someone who you knows needs the help. But what if you don't even know that the next person needs help?

I had a recent convo with Jonathan, and we discussed the topic of help and African Americans. How us African Americans are so hesitant to ask for help, and why is that? We both came to a conclusion that it is two reasons that us Black folks are not so willingly to put out our hand and ask for help, one being our pride and the second being the fact that some of us are just not using to having the help available there for us.
African Americans, esp males, do not want to ask for help because we scared to be looked upon as weak. The pride always comes before the fall. Don't be afraid to ask someone for help if it is truly needed. Some men I know we will go sick or starve before they ask their fellow peer for some help. We all need someone to help us along this journey in life at one point of time in our lives. The pride can be a very nasty thing when it gets in the way of asking for help. It plays tricks on your mind and make you think that people will look at you in a different light when that is just not true. For example, if a man has no money and know that there will be no money coming in, and he has a child, he will steal, rob, and maybe kill before turning to a "friend" and just simply explaining the situation to him and asking for help. Now do not take advantage of a person and always ask them for something if you know you can get it on your own and you just don't want to, or if you are not helping yourself! You ask that friend for help, but you also ask that friend does he/she know anyone that is hiring or anyone that you can do some work for so that you can get some extra cash in your pockets. There is a difference between needing help and just being greedy and/or lazy!
The second reason being that us African Americans are just not used to having help there for us. If you went to any type of public school in a big city, just as Chicago, New York, Philly, etc etc, you may know this from experience. I can only speak on behalf of Chicago Public School systems and no one else because that this the only public school system I have been in, but those teachers do not care to really help you out. The teachers pick their "favorites" and try to help those people out along the way, and if you aren't one of them, than you are S.O.L. For example, I had a teacher in high school, who gave me nothing above a C in her class! I would go to her and try to ask her could she help me to see what she was expecting from me or what better I could do, and she never had any time for me after school. But one of her suppose to be "star" students, always got As and Bs and she always made time for them! As a result I had to find help else where....but some people aren't as fortunate as I am to be able to have the resources to go elsewhere to get help. For some students, these public school teachers are all they have. And it may be sad and unfortunate and not the teacher's fault, but the fact of the matter, is that it's our reality. I know friends and family members who were simply passed along...so now they are grown but only reading and operating educational wise at a 3rd or 4Th grade level. So these people prolly figure what's the point of asking for help if they are always being told no. This is a sad and dim reality for some people and I am so sorry that they have been dealt that deck of cards for their lifetime.
It's always hard to ask for help, no matter who you are...but sometimes, you just have to swallow your pride and ask, because you just may get what you were looking and/or asking for.